Greetings! Is this how it is?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: redondo, CA
Posts: 3
Greetings! Is this how it is?
:banghead:
Hello Friends,
Guess I need to hear it one more time so I can move out of the land of "Denial".
He can go months without drinking. But when he does, like a weekend with the guys, he will drink non-stop for 12 hours straight. Says if he limits the amount, it'll "make him tired". He is becoming a little beligerent, has recently stood naked on the hotel balcony. I would say he binges about 6 to 8 times a year, always with the guys. His drinking also triggered a Panic Attack 3 years ago and he is on Prozac. He never drinks before or during work, doesn't suffer from blackouts or passing out.
Of course he doesn't think it's a problem despite Counciling. I am about to embark on Alanon meetings.
Any insight is welcomed! Almost 4 years of this, I have doubts to marry.
Thanks....
Hello Friends,
Guess I need to hear it one more time so I can move out of the land of "Denial".
He can go months without drinking. But when he does, like a weekend with the guys, he will drink non-stop for 12 hours straight. Says if he limits the amount, it'll "make him tired". He is becoming a little beligerent, has recently stood naked on the hotel balcony. I would say he binges about 6 to 8 times a year, always with the guys. His drinking also triggered a Panic Attack 3 years ago and he is on Prozac. He never drinks before or during work, doesn't suffer from blackouts or passing out.
Of course he doesn't think it's a problem despite Counciling. I am about to embark on Alanon meetings.
Any insight is welcomed! Almost 4 years of this, I have doubts to marry.
Thanks....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: close to the FLAMES!!
Posts: 129
Hi and welcome, Sag871.
I know you are trying to figure out whether your husband/boyfriend/whomever has a problem, but this is what I have learned from Alanon and this forum. Whether he thinks he does or not, it is up to you to decide if it is a problem for you- if alcohol is affecting your life, it is a problem for you. I have also learned that if he does have a problem, there isn't much you can do about it. We are powerless over everyone else's actions and no matter what you say or do, you can't control, cause, or cure it. Until someone is ready to quit, until they have realized it on their own terms, they will continue to keep drinking/using. All we can do is learn how to not let someone else's actions affect who we are, to learn how to live at peace whether or not someone else has hit their bottom with their addiction. Trust me, it isn't easy- I still have very hard days. I try to remember to take it one day at a time, that I need to take care of myself (something I am not so great at) and to keep the focus on what I can do with my own life. It will get easier.
Alanon has taught me so much and I am very grateful for this forum.
Anyways, hope to see you around here!
-SFG29
I know you are trying to figure out whether your husband/boyfriend/whomever has a problem, but this is what I have learned from Alanon and this forum. Whether he thinks he does or not, it is up to you to decide if it is a problem for you- if alcohol is affecting your life, it is a problem for you. I have also learned that if he does have a problem, there isn't much you can do about it. We are powerless over everyone else's actions and no matter what you say or do, you can't control, cause, or cure it. Until someone is ready to quit, until they have realized it on their own terms, they will continue to keep drinking/using. All we can do is learn how to not let someone else's actions affect who we are, to learn how to live at peace whether or not someone else has hit their bottom with their addiction. Trust me, it isn't easy- I still have very hard days. I try to remember to take it one day at a time, that I need to take care of myself (something I am not so great at) and to keep the focus on what I can do with my own life. It will get easier.
Alanon has taught me so much and I am very grateful for this forum.
Anyways, hope to see you around here!
-SFG29
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 80
Sag
Denial is a great land to live in if you like confusion. If you think there is a problem and your questioning it, there probably is a problem. But what Sunflower is saying about not being able to control anyone else but yourself is what I'm learning too. It's difficult because it feels wrong to us, it must feel wrong to them. It just doesn't work that way because as much as we can't understand what it's like for them, they can't understand what it's like for us (worry, fear they will hurt themselves, us, our kids, DUI, hurt someone else and on and on).
I found a lot of help in just reading these boards, it's amazing how much the people who have been here before us are really helping us.
I wish you the best and hope you come back!
Denial is a great land to live in if you like confusion. If you think there is a problem and your questioning it, there probably is a problem. But what Sunflower is saying about not being able to control anyone else but yourself is what I'm learning too. It's difficult because it feels wrong to us, it must feel wrong to them. It just doesn't work that way because as much as we can't understand what it's like for them, they can't understand what it's like for us (worry, fear they will hurt themselves, us, our kids, DUI, hurt someone else and on and on).
I found a lot of help in just reading these boards, it's amazing how much the people who have been here before us are really helping us.
I wish you the best and hope you come back!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hey Sag,
Welcome to SR. Al-Anon has been a life saver ( and sanity saver ) for me. There are no quick answers to what you are going through, but there is plenty of experience, strength and hope in Al-Anon, and in this forum. Feel free to browse, share, vent, and learn. You don't have to deal with this alone. Hugs, Magic
Welcome to SR. Al-Anon has been a life saver ( and sanity saver ) for me. There are no quick answers to what you are going through, but there is plenty of experience, strength and hope in Al-Anon, and in this forum. Feel free to browse, share, vent, and learn. You don't have to deal with this alone. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
Welcome
Hey Sag - welcome! I am fairly new also, but it's a great place to learn, vent, etc. Lots of helpful folks on these boards with good information as we all have "been there, done that" in one form or another. It's amazing how many of us are out here.
My AH kind of does the same thing - bingeing and withdrawing (hard, to the point of seizures - scary!
) Also is on an antidepressant (of course, you are not supposed to consume alcohol when taking most of those drugs) so......
I just started going to Al-Anon last week and I am going to continue to go and see what I can get out of it for myself.
Listen to the good folks who have been here a while and come back!
Hang in - cwohio
My AH kind of does the same thing - bingeing and withdrawing (hard, to the point of seizures - scary!
) Also is on an antidepressant (of course, you are not supposed to consume alcohol when taking most of those drugs) so......I just started going to Al-Anon last week and I am going to continue to go and see what I can get out of it for myself.
Listen to the good folks who have been here a while and come back!
Hang in - cwohio
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
OMG Cwohio! That lil guy next to scary in your post cracked me up so bad I thought I was going to fall off my chair!!!
Hi there Sag!! It's good to meet you! I thought I was the only one that lived in the land of denial and confusion, looks like Marci does too so you'll have to come by often and see us lolol. (hehe Marci, you know I luv ya!) Just kidding we are really glad to have you here. I think you'll find alot of kindred spirits in here. My AH is a binge drinker, a sneaky one at that, theres no telling how many times he did it that I don't know about. The only ones I caught him at was when he'd come home looking like the skin on his face was going to slide off his skull, (that prob sounds weird but I can't describe it any other way) if you saw it you'd say yup, thats what it looks like. But the time I remember the most he planned a overnight camping trip with our 3 yr old son, (male bonding and all that, yeah right!) I helped pack for it, sent them off, watched TV and went to bed, about 2 am he comes stumbling in drunk with our son, obviously drank the whole time they were gone and then left all the camping stuff out there and drove 30+ miles back home, drunk, with our 3 yr old. GGGGRRRRR.......... I said why did you do that with our child with you? He says those famous three words "I don't know". Sigh, well we're seperated now, he took the walk, I'm hoping he'll make the choice and get help, but I know it's up to him. I am powerless, as we all are. Alanon is the best decision you'll make, please go and start working on yourself so that you can better handle your reactions to him. And chose for yourself how you want to live your life. Post here anytime, yell, rant, vent...it's all good in this world. Hope to see you around!! Hugs!!! Teggie
PS: Just remembered this one, I once found a receipt while doing laundry from The Big Red Beer Barn, I hand it to him and say what's this? He says oh......I was thirsty for a coke and it was the only place around. Geeez.............
Hi there Sag!! It's good to meet you! I thought I was the only one that lived in the land of denial and confusion, looks like Marci does too so you'll have to come by often and see us lolol. (hehe Marci, you know I luv ya!) Just kidding we are really glad to have you here. I think you'll find alot of kindred spirits in here. My AH is a binge drinker, a sneaky one at that, theres no telling how many times he did it that I don't know about. The only ones I caught him at was when he'd come home looking like the skin on his face was going to slide off his skull, (that prob sounds weird but I can't describe it any other way) if you saw it you'd say yup, thats what it looks like. But the time I remember the most he planned a overnight camping trip with our 3 yr old son, (male bonding and all that, yeah right!) I helped pack for it, sent them off, watched TV and went to bed, about 2 am he comes stumbling in drunk with our son, obviously drank the whole time they were gone and then left all the camping stuff out there and drove 30+ miles back home, drunk, with our 3 yr old. GGGGRRRRR.......... I said why did you do that with our child with you? He says those famous three words "I don't know". Sigh, well we're seperated now, he took the walk, I'm hoping he'll make the choice and get help, but I know it's up to him. I am powerless, as we all are. Alanon is the best decision you'll make, please go and start working on yourself so that you can better handle your reactions to him. And chose for yourself how you want to live your life. Post here anytime, yell, rant, vent...it's all good in this world. Hope to see you around!! Hugs!!! Teggie
PS: Just remembered this one, I once found a receipt while doing laundry from The Big Red Beer Barn, I hand it to him and say what's this? He says oh......I was thirsty for a coke and it was the only place around. Geeez.............
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: redondo, CA
Posts: 3
Hi Everyone!
Wow, thanks for all the love and advise. I can't tell you how much it is already making a difference for me. I understand how I need to be responsible for myself, not for him. I see now how important it is to attend Alanon.
I'll keep you posted.
sag
Wow, thanks for all the love and advise. I can't tell you how much it is already making a difference for me. I understand how I need to be responsible for myself, not for him. I see now how important it is to attend Alanon.
I'll keep you posted.
sag
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