Laraine9225

My husband is an alcoholic. We have a 5 yr old. Got a protection order in early July. My husband went to detox and is now living in a halfway house about 30 minutes away. He doesn't plan on coming back home to live for at least a year. We have been doing visits every weekend the 3 of us. He has been very nice and thoughtful. I am taking my son to disney in November my husband wants to come. Very confused about whether to stop the protective order and have him join us on vacation.

lillamy

Hi Laraine,

My experience is that an recovery from alcoholism takes a long time. He went to detox less than 2 months ago. My ex went to 30-day detox. Then was sober for another 3 months. Then went back to drinking and being threatening and abusive and dancing right on the edge of the protective order until one day he stepped over the line.

Here's my thing: Protective orders aren't handed out like candy. You only get one if the court considers you being in danger. One thing my lawyer really emphasized was that if you take the initiative to lift a protective order, the court is going to be less likely to give you a new one.

So.
I'm glad you're here. Please hang out and chat with the good folks here. Going to Disney with your son sounds like tons of fun (I took my kids a couple years ago). Bringing a husband who may or may not be sober and may or may not be abusive doesn't sound like fun at all. It just sounds like adding a layer of stress that will take away from how much both you and your son enjoy it.

Laraine9225

Lillamy
I really appreciate you responding. And I agree with you. I probably just needed to hear it from someone other than family. Thank you. Our last 2 vacations my husband was a drunken mess and it was awful. The trip isn't until November but I think I should keep the order going for at least 6 months.

ladyscribbler

If your husband is still doing well in November 2015 you guys can maybe all take a vacation then. That way he will have more than a year of sobriety under his belt if he sticks with his program.
Are you in Alanon or Celebrate Recovery for yourself? It's hard when all the focus is on getting the alcoholic better, but you have suffered from his disease as well. Make sure you're taking good care of you. I know how hectic it is to be a single parent. I have two boys myself.
Hugs to you and your son.

lillamy

If you have a PO that's not time-limited, I would probably keep it in place until he has been sober for 12-18 months.

Laraine9225

Lady scribbler
I do alanon online sometimes. Hoping to do more when my son starts prek in a couple of weeks.being a newly single mom is challenging and wonderful. I just found sober recovery.com today. I am liking it. I was thinking of doing a family vacation next fall. He sort of has been trying to change my mind in suttle ways. He has a way to go. I need to stick my original plan. My husband has been making great progress. But my main concern is my son. Just trying to keep things normal and happy for him.

hopeful4

Hello and welcome! I agree with lillamy above. In addition to that, I think it's important for them to see all they miss out on as a result of addiction. That may seem harsh, but it is the reality.

Go with your son to Disney and have a fun time!!!

Laraine9225

The PO is for a year, until July 2015. You are probably right. My husband has gotten sober 2 previous times. One was only a few months. And the other was almost 18 months. Of course he says he will never go back to drinking. But they all say that right?i think for now we will stick to weekly visits.

AnvilheadII

what prompted the need to get the PO in the first place?

dandylion

I strongly suggest that you keep the PO in place.

Please don't let feelings of "guilt" soften your resolve. Don't let his "subtle" attempts at manipulating you to lift it sway your resolve. You need to be firm in your boundaries. Otherwise, it sends the message that your words (and actions) are hollow.

believe, me I know how the images of the happy family playing with Mickey gnaws at you....but you have a better chance of providing stability for your son if you keep firm boundaries as the first order of business.

dandylion

ladyscribbler

Good deal. My youngest was in pre k last year and he absolutely blossomed in that program. This year he has adapted really well to kindergarten (with just a few first day jitters) and I know it's because of pre k. Being away from his dad has also done wonders for his development, which is sad, but he is still drinking and getting worse all the time, which is his choice.
It's nice that you're able to do the visits. I send my ex photos and pictures my son draws for him, and about once every six weeks he's sober enough to call and have a short conversation with him.

Laraine9225

I got the PO because his drinking just got really bad. he used to do it after my son was asleep. but in the last 2 weeks before I got he was interacting with him drunk. it was awful to see. no physical abuse. but he did get very scary and threw furniture. I was fed up and scared.
When I first got the PO I was very strong and couldn't stand my husband. all of our visits have been very pleasant. but I cant be a sucker again. I am going to keep things the way they are. my son actually seems to be doing fine and rarely asks for daddy. he seems happy to see him when we do. but him and I are doing great on our own. thank you all for your support. I really am loving this site.

Laraine9225

my husband seems like he is making a big positive change which is great, but we both agree he has a long way to go. we both even agree living together again is not an option for at least a few years. if ever.

hopeful4

I commend you! You are strong in your own recovery and taking care of your little boy, excellent!!!! The realizations you have stated above mean you are worlds ahead in your recovery and you realize all the serious things. Keep up the great work.

So glad you found us!!! SR is a great community, I hope you get lots of good info here!

dandylion

Laraine.....you sound like you are riding a winning horse. Never get off a winning horse!!!!

I suggest that you print out this thread...put it in your sock drawer and pull it out to read whenever you find yourself getting "soft around the edges".

dandylion

Laraine9225

To hopeful4 and dandylion

Thank you so much. I guess I didn't realize how well I was actually doing. Love the winning horse reference. That was perfect.
I just need to be strong for my precious little boy. He is the best!