My wife is an alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1
My wife is an alcoholic.
Co-dependent is a word I dislike enormously.
A good friend (sadly passed away) used to tell of the 'co-dependent'. He ran a rehab centre and was a reformed alcoholic. His advice was to not get caught up in the alcoholic becoming the focus of your (well, me really, as it was aimed at me) life.
I vowed this would not happen. It has and is happening.
I've screamed, bawled, threatened, walked away, came back, cried, etc etc and all to no avail.
My wife is an alcoholic, and I am a co-dependent.
I am not a perfect person, no one is.
I have my own issues, everyone has.
I've had to learn to take a good look at myself, my reactions, my state of mind, my reasons for being where I am.
I am also a follower of Christ, brought about by our attempts to battle alcoholism together as husband and wife. We both gave our lives to Jesus.
I do not drink, for there is no point (co-dependent).
Family hardly come around because of my wife. (co-dependant).
When I am out, I am always thinking of what I will come home to. (co-dependent).
So I learn daily, as a Christian, why I react the way I do, how to react with love. Though a very flippant cliche?, maybe, but I HAVE to react with love. Otherwise, the hate and bitterness and resentment that comes from my 'fleshly' reactions could destroy me (co-dependent).
So I pray, and I ask God to heal my wife. And she drinks.
But I love her. She is my wife. And I hate her when she is drunk. But she is my wife.
So I look at myself and ask God to work on me, to look inward rather than outward. To remove the plank from my eye before pointing at the speck in my wife's eye......and pray that Jesus can fill in my wife, what alcohol currently does.
A good friend (sadly passed away) used to tell of the 'co-dependent'. He ran a rehab centre and was a reformed alcoholic. His advice was to not get caught up in the alcoholic becoming the focus of your (well, me really, as it was aimed at me) life.
I vowed this would not happen. It has and is happening.
I've screamed, bawled, threatened, walked away, came back, cried, etc etc and all to no avail.
My wife is an alcoholic, and I am a co-dependent.
I am not a perfect person, no one is.
I have my own issues, everyone has.
I've had to learn to take a good look at myself, my reactions, my state of mind, my reasons for being where I am.
I am also a follower of Christ, brought about by our attempts to battle alcoholism together as husband and wife. We both gave our lives to Jesus.
I do not drink, for there is no point (co-dependent).
Family hardly come around because of my wife. (co-dependant).
When I am out, I am always thinking of what I will come home to. (co-dependent).
So I learn daily, as a Christian, why I react the way I do, how to react with love. Though a very flippant cliche?, maybe, but I HAVE to react with love. Otherwise, the hate and bitterness and resentment that comes from my 'fleshly' reactions could destroy me (co-dependent).
So I pray, and I ask God to heal my wife. And she drinks.
But I love her. She is my wife. And I hate her when she is drunk. But she is my wife.
So I look at myself and ask God to work on me, to look inward rather than outward. To remove the plank from my eye before pointing at the speck in my wife's eye......and pray that Jesus can fill in my wife, what alcohol currently does.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I have never stopped praying for my husband, even when he became my X husband. Sounds like you need Alanon orCelebrate Recovery. Read the stickies at the tops of the forum, good info there. Stick around, lots of great support for you here at SR. Im sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by Jamjam13 
So I pray, and I ask God to heal my wife. And she drinks.
On some visceral level I realized that it wasn't my place to ask God to heal my husband. If my husband wanted healing he could ask God himself. He knew how to reach him if he wanted to.
I had spent years imploring my Higher Power to protect my husband, all the while neglecting myself. When the prayer switched from "Dear God help him" to "Dear God help me" everything started changing.
Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
jamjam13 - your post really touched me and I just hope you can gain sufficient detachment with peace in your mind. Doing this does not mean you don't love your wife or will welcome her in your life in sobriety, but it is absolutely necessary to enable her to desire and therefore gain sobriety, it really is. Please ask God to help guide you towards this.
From a very grateful recovering alcoholic in Scotland
From a very grateful recovering alcoholic in Scotland
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