healthyagain

So, there were exactly 3-4 days of "honeymoon," and for the first time EVER, I did not fall for it. I did not enjoy it at all. I have been so detached since Monday, acted in a very polite and "official" manner, and did not have any outbursts of love and care. We kinda lived like roommates. And this made me feel quite refreshed and energized. I did not cook for him either.

This evening, during the supper (yeah, I cooked, stupid, stupid me), there was this sudden mood swing (the reason, he did not like the food for the n-th time - too many potatoes, not enough meat) like when you turn the switch off, and I was outside driving away within a few minutes. That was my plan A. Now I usually give him 1-2 hours to calm down (fall asleep). So he was asleep when I came back.

My plan B was sleeping in a motel. Calling police was plan C.

But there is something that came to my mind. It is not like I did not have any boundaries when we first met. I was trained to listen, to dance to the tune he was playing, to obey. . . it was rage at first, outbursts of anger, and I wanted to please, instead of telling him back then, "You cannot treat me like that!" But today, when I try to enforce my boundaries, he is so trying to violate them, and it is so sneaky (at moments, it gets even funny what kind of tactics he uses to get what he wants from me . . . mainly my brain and cooking skills). It is really an eye-opener when you detach and can observe the situation from another perspective, recognizing manipulation, baiting, fight-picking . . .

My next step? Definitely finding a doctor, a therapist . . . for myself. I feel this urge to open up, to talk, to confess. I do not know.

And right now, I feel fine. Got myself some chocolate.

lillamy

Some solid insights there, I think. I functioned much the same way. I thought I could love his bad behavior out of him. I thought I could show him by example that calm discussions and hugs were much more pleasant than screaming and insulting and throwing things.

I'm going to warn you that when you start detaching, he probably will do what you've seen him doing -- provoke more. He's sensing a change in you; he can no longer manipulate you like he's become used to, and that's unsettling to him. Be very careful, please. (((hugs)))

hopeful4

Your own recovery is shining! Enjoy your chocolate!

XXX

healthyagain

Had a good night of sleep, even after eating the chocolate. I guess he was so wasted (and still is) that he even did not hide his bottle of whiskey.

Another change is that I do not feel sorry for him, not even one bit.

Thanks God It's Almost Monday!