AngelB

I've gone through the horror of living with an active A for 4 years... now that he's in recovery, there are other difficulties. I read the posts here almost daily, and I empathize with all of you, yet I am presently in dire need of some form of support with "after-care"... Is there anyone out there that is finding the relationship during recovery as rocky as the rollercoaster that got you both here?

Twinkle

I have some knowledge regarding the perils of recovery, although my husband has been trying to stay clean for 8 months, his longest sucess has only been 4months. Prior to that he was sober for 16years. Whenever he is on the road to recovery, it's a whole new ball of wax. They must relearn how to function in society. How to do everyday tasks which they used to be able to handle. When my husband is sober, he is a slob, he cannot find the time nor the desire to help out at home. He gets depressed very easily..all of this is part of the process.

What particular problems are you encountering?

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Angel...

Lessee... I believe Dino recovers on Tues, Thurs, Saturday and alternate Sundays. So today I can comment, I guess.

Dino's DOC was/is (?) crack, his recovery method consisted of some counseling, skimming the AA book and applying some on again, off again will power. It has actually been 2 or 3 weeks since I thought he sounded or looked messed up when I talked to or saw him. He doesn't live here any more, but I talk to him most days.

Do I qualify? What questions have you got?

Smoke

AngelB

Physical intimacy ...more specifically: lack of.... He was heavily into internet porn the whole time he was drinking... and he seemed to let up on it since becoming sober.... but there's still no physical intimacy with us and now he's "doing it" again. I asked him about it and his first response was "this is part of my recovery and I don't have to discuss it with you". I wouldn't mind it so much if there was a "relationship" with US. His response to that was "this is not a priority right now". Here I'm being understanding for 3 months that, hey, sex probably isn't something he's thinking about right now... when in reality, he's thinking about it alright!... just not with ME. I don't know how to handle this... I'm trying so hard to be supportive of his recovery and still standing by him after 4 years of mental and verbal abuse because of his drinking and I feel like I'm being left in the cold for women on the internet. I don't know where to go or what to do to ease this kind of hurt... I didn't mean to write a novel.... sorry.... thanks for listening... please don't feel obligated to respond... this is a subject that seems out of the "comfort zone" for most people here. I'm just hoping SOMEONE understands. Thanks for listening.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi AngelB...

Internet porn is not part of anyone's recovery. Also... not every element of an addict's behavior is due to their addiction. Have you thought about couple's counseling?

Go to the Naranon page. I just brought an old post back up to the top for you... title "okay, I'll say it". It relates to what you're asking about.

Hugs,
Smoke

AngelB

couples counceling requires two people.... thanks, though.... i'll check out that posting.... thaks.

Earthmother

I wouldn't take this personally, the internet thing, it isn't anything against you, rather, it is easier to feel like a man when the woman isn't real and they have no expectations and the A has no responsibilities towards them. This is just another means of escape from reality.

Rose56

Thanks for this post. My problem is just the opposite. My husband still wants to have sex frequently but I dont. Right now I am mad at him most of the time and I feel our relationship is right on the edge. So I dont want him to touch me. He complains about the lack of sex and I feel bad. I have trouble saying no to anyone, but I just cant do this anymore. Any thoughts?