Nightowl

I thought I was getting poison ivy. We found some in our yard but it has been over a week since I worked in the yard. The breaking out started over the weekend (my SO moved out on Friday). And it is getting worse. Red, dry bumpy patches are cropping up in different places. I'm going to the dr today. I'm feeling very anxious, can't sleep, very upset over SO moving out. More so than I thought. I feel naseous, shaky. I think I am in a major anxiety/panic attack. I hope he can give me something to calm me down. Or figure out if this rash has a physical reason.

I so want my SO back. But I can't be with him when he's drinking. I just can't. i hate this. I hate him for drinking.

Marcinor

Nightowl - the rash could be all the anxiety you are feeling. I'm so sorry. I understand some of what you are going through. My SO moved out one day while I was at class. I talked to him in the morning and came home 4 hours later to everything gone or torn apart, my kids crying, my life felt shattered. That was 3 months ago, and while it seems like you'll never feel normal again the ache lessens a little tiny bit everyday.

Going to the Doctor is a good idea but be sure to tell him everything that is going on in your life right now and don't be ashamed (I stuggle with this) if talking about it makes you cry. Please make sure you drink lots of water and try to eat too. It's important that you take care of yourself.

Hugs

Teggie

((((Nightowl)))) Take a deep breathe hun, you have to do this, you know that don't you? Sounds like what your going through is a result of your body trying to handle all the stress you've been through. I experienced something similar a couple of days after my AO walked. It's was like I was running on adrenaline after he left and as soon as that faded I felt like I crashed down. Like you I got really anxious, had trouble sleeping, was crying alot and just plain miserable. And I hated him, lord did I hate him at that time. It took abit to get through it but it did get better, I can't say exactly what helped it get better, a think it was a combination of everything, making myself function, reading my books, talking to my support, I had'nt found this forum yet at that time. I say it gets better and it does, but it doesn't go away, it's still there and rears it's ugly head at me every now and then. Keep on with your recovery work and keep on with your life and kids. Thats whats going to help you the most. Remember how vulnerable you still are, and avoid any decisions right now. I remember I sat down and wrote a email to my AO, describing everything I saw that was wrong in our relationship, and things I felt the both of needed to resolve before we could consider another try. Whether you send it or not is up to you, I kept a copy of mine where I could read it anytime I felt I needed a little anchorage. It really did seem to help. Posting here has really helped. Dang, grab all the help you can get! You deserve it! Stay strong!
Your sister in pain & recovery Teggie

Teggie

(((Marcinor)))) Great advice GF!!! Welcome to our club girl! Keep the faith, we'll all get better together. Hugs! Teggie

Gracey

I am so sorry that you are going through this.......

The Doctor will be able to give you something to help the pain.......take some benedryl that should help the itching....

do something you like go see a friend, go for a walk, a bike ride.....do something that will keep you busy, maybe so busy you dont have time to think about it.......I will keep you in my prayers.........I wish I could help......

cwohio

Nightowl - I too experienced a rash and thought it was poison ivy before the "crash" came for my AO this last time. Benadryl and poison ivy lotion did help tho. Stress can do lots of bad things. Hang in! cwohio

Nightowl

Well I think that all the talking about he and I has caused me to have nearly an emotional breakdown. His ex-wife called me last night. Believe it or not we are fairly good friends. The two of them have remained friendly. She is a very swseet lady. We talked for a long time. Also about their son. He is struggling with his alcoholism and has hung out at our house constantly for the last 9 months. He was also a big part of our break up. I just couldn't take TWO alcoholics at once. Plus they both smoke up a storm and I amnot used to that in my house.

So anyway, I think it upset me more than I know. Our friends all like my SO and his family adores me. And everyone seems to think we are good for each otehr but I just can't do it. It is so frustrating. His ex wife indicated that he has drank like this ...the same amount for years. Ever since she has known him basically which is nearly 25 years. So she reallly doesn't see his drinking getting any worse. I am not sure. I guess some people do that. But even so, I don't like the level it is right now...so worse or not...it bothered me.

The rash is just stress. I'm an emotional mess right now I can't work. I can't concentrate. I need sleep. I hate this. I just want to call him so badly and tell him to come home. And I can't do that.

jessieandme2003

Many of us have been there and know the incredible strength you are showing just getting through this moment. Then the next. You can tell yourself you are making it one moment at a time. Or one hour. The key is that you are making it.

Do any combination of the things suggested here, or none of them. Whatever gets you through that next moment, that next hour. Slowly, very slowly, you will start to function again. At your own pace.

One thing that I found did help hugely was to avoid being alone too much. That is when I was weakest, when I wanted to call him, so I avoided it. I made a ton of plans just to be around other people. Sometimes I warned them I'd be lousy company, other times I didn't, and I just hoped they'd forgive me later for just taking up space and being a zombie. They did, of course.

Being around others made me not call him, not start imagining how much better I'd feel if he were back. It made me see me and my life through their eyes, those who never wanted me to call him back. Those who saw I needed to do this. If you don't have those people to be around, keep talking here.

Good luck, stay strong, be proud of yourself and try to enjoy something you couldn't when he was there. For me I noticed I enjoyed having control of the remote control and I watched lots of things he never would have agreed to if he were sitting there.

Read read read this stuff here to remind yourself of why you are doing this. Of the life you want versus the life you'd have.

I am thinking of you.