kiwigirl

My last post (a while ago now) said that I had had enough and was leaving, but My A wanted to go to counselling and try and work things out. Well, he turned up to the first session after having a few beers and was so obnoxious that I was not only upset that he has half drunk, but so embarrassed by his behaviour. Even the counsellor was quite taken aback by what he said.

Anyway, I've been back to one session by myself, and am still waiting for his turn. The only time I have mentioned it was when he was drunk and he said he did'nt think we needed it, as everything was going o.k. This means it's going his way. Not the time to argue really, you can't reason with a drunk person. When I rang the counsellor she was going to follow it up but I haven't heard anything since.

I'm a bit apprehensive about following this up, because it puts me in a position to make an ultimatum to myself. If I pursue it and find out he doesn't want to sort things out the way I do, where does that leave me.

If I go, what if he slides into some sort of suicidal depression (he has before) and how do I live with that on my conscience. We have 2 kids, one only 7 months. How do I tell them what's going on.

What if he gives up the drink and I decide it's always been him I don't love anyway. Or he decides I'm not the same.

I don't know if I've got the energy or even want to go through with the consequences. I do know I don't want to live like this anymore.

Rose56

I totaly relate to your thoughts. My husband has made a less of counseling sessions several years ago and it was embarassing to me. I also relate to the fears about not really loving my husband at all, or him me. I also fear my husband getting much worse if I were to leave him, that it would be my fault. I too feel that I don't have the energy to begin the separation process and all that will require but also dont have the energy to stay the way things are now. I can see how a reasonable person can expain away all of these feelings and fears and it would be so clear to them what needs to be done. But I relate to being in the midst of these fears and how that can make you feel stuck with no where good to go.
But on good days I can see that none of these things I fear has to hold me prisoner to a new life. On good days I believe that I can have a happy life whether I stay with my husband or not. I'm sorry I dont have any good advice, except maybe patience. I believe in time you will know what to do and what action to take if any. Good luck and please keep sharing.

helluvagalnva

I was miserable too and had decided that i couldn't and didn't want to live like that anymore. I was so obsessed with him and his drinking that I lost my self in the process and I also knew that my children deserved a better life than that. My husband is a very sick person. He has quit drinking but the other issues still remain.

The unknown is always scarey. You just have to decide what's best for you!! Either you continue to live with it or you choose not to. I've been told that you can live with it without allowing the sickness to control your life. Although, I don't know how, i personally couldn't ever figure out how to. It drove me absolutely crazy. Still does sometimes when I allow for it to.

My husband and I have been apart 1 1/2 years and it's just now starting to get easier. I was devastated when we split up. I was scared as hell being by myself with 3 kids. Now looking back on it I had been along, I just never looked at it like that before.

Every person is different and there's not one answer or quick fix. I wish there was. It's been a long and hard road for me to get where I am today and that's still not saying much but atleast it's one step closer than yesterday. So for that I'm proud of myself!

you should be proud of yourself too and to realize that you can do what ever you set your mind to. Unfortunately, you are the only person that can decide what's best or you and I wish you luck on finding the answer.

I'm always here if you need a shoulder to lean on. You can e-mail me anytime that you want. I am so glad that I've found this site and to know I have someone to talk to that understands. It helps!!

Take Care

CherylG

Just have to say Helluvagalnva is sooo right. I got off the Merry-Go-Round a year ago. It was the right time for me. I still see him because of the kids, but the serenity of letting go of the drinking situation was great. He is still drinking and battling with his demons. The kids are doing great and I have found inner strength I didn't think I had. Of course the financial part is scary occasionally, but that is when I let go and let God and he has not let me down yet. Meetings has been a big part of reaching for serenity, that and the good people on this line that know when I need the skillet to get back to working on me. I posted this part on Bonbon's post earlier about a comment my A made to me this weekend about getting what he thought he always wanted and that was being alone to do as he wanted. The message being, watch what you wish for you just might get it. Good luck on finding yourself again.