Wisconsin

Depending on the state's laws, if a non-driving spouse's name is on the title of the vehicle, being separated has no bearing on whether the non-driving spouse can be sued for damages incurred if the DUI driving spouse causes an accident. Santa, the spouse in your scenario may not have been *charged* with anything, but that is an issue of criminal law, not of civil liability. Most states have "permissive use" statutes that say if RTW is on the title of the car, the law presumes he has given his AW permission to drive it and he is legally (not criminally) responsible for damage she causes with that car. For example, California has a statute that says "Every owner of a motor vehicle is liable and responsible for death or injury to person or property resulting from a negligent or wrongful act or omission in the operation of the motor vehicle, in the business of the owner or otherwise, by any person using or operating the same with the permission, express or implied, of the owner."

And here is a website listing Virginia cases involving permissive use:

http://www.brienrochelaw.com/tort-la...ermissive-use/

Sounds like another question for your legal consult, RTW.

schnappi99

So the AW goes to jail, husband loses the house and his pension in the civil suit.

A guy I know is a retired taxi-cab driver. He told me about another driver he knew had the misfortune of getting in a wreck w/ a car driven by a secretary of a legal firm... they made their civil lawsuit a firm-wide effort and ruined him.

KidsR#1

Agreed OTOH even if it its not his fault it won't stop the lawyers who would very likely be suing him for every penny they can get in such a case. They are still married so the OP is fair game.[/QUOTE]

I had checked with a lawyer about whether I would be held responsible if AH was drinking and I told him he needed to leave the house and then got into an accident . Her answer is No, because he could chose to walk, call a friend, taxi etc.

amy55

I was wrong on a few things, dam that government for doing all different kinds of pension plans.

Health coverage goes by the 20/20/20 rule, or 20/20/15 rule. She doesn't meet them. She would only be eligible for DOD Continued Health Care Benefits for 36 months, she must file within 60 days of divorce.

DOD has a SBP (Survivor Benefit Plan), cost is 6.5% of the amount you want to guarantee. It is deducted from your gross pension which then determines your disposable retired pay. That is what she would get 35% of. (Therefore, $1000 a month would cost $65. a month)

Also checked out a little about Va. divorce laws, if you can prove fault, which you may be able to with that R.O. and that you have custody, you may not have to pay alimony. They can and do use "fault" to determine spousal support, but really not in division of assets.

I do think your safest thing to do now is divorce. Like someone else said Florida rules can be crazy. Va. is used to the military thing. They do them all the time.

Some things I saw said that a QDRO would be necessary to split the pension, others said the divorce papers if worded correctly would be sufficient.

Numbers wise, emotions wise, financial risk wise, I would file for the divorce.

soberjuly

I think Amy is right

amy55

Also they can impute wages to her. In Va I think min wages is about $7.25 an hour. If we go by a 35 hour work week, (possibly 40) but I don't know, that a yearly income of $13,195, that they can impute to her, plus her part of your pension. Sufficient income to pay child support.

Also just remember each deduction you put in for your TSP, she gets half of it.

When you file for divorce the stop date for everything, assets......... is the date the divorce is filed. Not when your divorce. She can run up her credit card bills. You may be responsible for half of it.

From reading what you wrote here, I don't think you ever plan to be back with her, (if you do, make sure she is tested for STD's)

Cut your losses now.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Thumper

FYI. I needed a QDRO for my 401K. My lawyer wasn't aware but I called the 401K people and they said it was necessary. It was simple but needed to release the money to my ex as cash. The penalties etc were taken out before he got the check. The receiver of the money claimed it on their taxes - so him even though the 401 was in my name.

amy55

Thumper, the way that it is supposed to be done, is that you roll it over to his 401k, or IRA. No penalties on this, no taxes to pay. If not, yes, he will be hit with the penalty for early withdrawal and have to pay the taxes on it.

edited to add: even if he received the cash if he rolled it over into an IRA he might not have had to pay the taxes. The money from my ex went directly to my IRA. It was a "rollover".

ResignedToWait

I am in such reverence at the number of inputs & opinions in this thread...thank you so much. The amount of information to process is so much more staggering that I'd ever considered it was.

amy55

I just want to say that I think you are very well loved here and we just want the best for you and your children.

Wisconsin

Fairlyuncertain, I want to thank you (seriously...THANK YOU) for this wonderful post. This articulates so well what I hope I can strive for, and the attitude I hope I can have toward my AH when we go our separate ways.

Thumper

Ya. He didn't have an IRA and just wanted the cash. He drank it away of course.

amy55

Of course. So the 10% penalty was taken out and whatever tax bracket he was in was taken out. Just to drink it away.

He could have opened an Ira. So if he ever blamed you for the taxes, not your fault.

FireSprite

Amy is correct about the rollover vs. distribution from the 401K having different tax treatment & penalties.

Also, just to clarify, a QDRO is often needed regardless of whether the activity results in a rollover or distribution - it's used as a letter of instruction to facilitate the need to take the funds out of the 401k platform regardless of how that is accomplished. Only the administrator of the 401K plan can tell you whether it will be required or not - I've seen it go both ways. Check with them first - you don't want to have to pay for this legal document to be done if you don't need it, but you don't want to NOT have it & slow down the process if you DO need it.

My mom's divorce initiated a split like this & a QDRO was required to rollover from his 401 to her IRA.

I've learned TONS in this thread!