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Nothing surprises me

Old 08-19-2014, 07:56 AM
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Pia
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Nothing surprises me

Nothing surprises me anymore of my STBAH.

I already expressed my boundary to him.He hasn't come over or called me. But I guess I didn't also say email. arghhhh

I found out he has now resorted to going to my parents house and helping them around the house. My parents are elderly and think he just needs love. They are normies and don't understand.

And now AH has sent me an email with the subject line "Hi Mom" with a picture of our/his dog that we got when he was 4 months old and now he is 6 years old.

I almost responded and told him to bring him over but stopped myself and told myself not to react.

How sad that alcoholism doesn't affect just them but everyone involved.
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Old 08-19-2014, 08:04 AM
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You know what I did? I set up a rule in my e-mail inbox so that any e-mails from him went straight into a special folder. That way, I didn't have to see them; I could just forward them directly to my divorce lawyer.

That he's going over and acting all nice with your parents makes me think violent thoughts. How dare he? (OK, I know I know I know -- you can't control etc, it still makes me ANGRY that he's trying to manipulate them into being on his side. Bastard.)
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Old 08-19-2014, 08:04 AM
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Radiant,

It is a blessing that you can see what the email really is about. He is pulling at your heart strings hoping to open up the lines of communication, for what purpose? I am sure that with your long history, he is hurting as well. I think the alcohol affects them more than us in the end. They lose everything and are left to battle the effects of long term alcohol abuse. However, they are so good at putting on the "I am okay, everything is okay" face.

My ex ABF also seems just as happy-go-lucky as he has always appeared on the outside. Now that I am not intimately involved in his day, all I see is that side of him- the one that everyone sees and embraces. However, I know what the secrets are. I don't have to see them to know that they didn't just abruptly stop being part of his life simply because I am not there to witness them.

Helping your parents is a nice thing, of course his motive may not be so pure. Even when you put up your boundaries, you can only control your behavior. I have read that we should also be able to control our feelings and thoughts, but is something that I am still struggling to do. So, until my heart and mind catch up with my determination to have a safe and healthy life, I have to celebrate the no contact and my reactions or behavior when I do find myself engaged with him...time will help. I am sorry about your doggy though. I am sure you miss him. HUGS!!! stay strong!
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Old 08-19-2014, 08:29 AM
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Thank you lillamy and Timeisky- I see how he is pulling at anything to get to me. I must be doing somethings right!!

I will set up the rule in my email thank you for the reminder. I didn't respond nor will I. I don't want him to think this is the way to get to me, although at the moment it is hurtful.
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Old 08-19-2014, 09:43 AM
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good idea Lill!!
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Old 08-19-2014, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Radiant View Post
And now AH has sent me an email with the subject line "Hi Mom" with a picture of our/his dog that we got when he was 4 months old and now he is 6 years old.
Omigosh. He's pulling out the stops in that one, that breaks my heart! I bet you miss your pup :-(
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Old 08-19-2014, 09:47 AM
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Wow...he is a determined one. Just tune it all out Radiant. I know it's hard to do, but eventually if you don't react he will stop all of it.

Hugs.
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Old 08-19-2014, 10:35 AM
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Thank you again everyone. I am sad to see my baby and I miss him. But, I know if I don't react he won't do this to me again.

What I don't understand is how drugs and alcohol can revert someone to acting like a child again. I understand it stunts the growth mentally but why do they act like kids?
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Old 08-20-2014, 06:32 AM
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I made it through my day yesterday. It was challenging but I am relieved another obstetrical overcome.

Today is a new day and I will go about my day with my head high and awareness.

I have blocked his email and verified the cellphone has him blocked too.
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