Soberintexas007

Well, today was the 2nd day off for my husband. Yesterday went okay, as he only had two beers. But we went out today to the casino, and he had 5 beers. Once again, on the drive home, he began quacking and saying that he wants to move out together ASAP from my parent's home and wants our own place (my mom did call the cops on him a month ago and he was arrested for public intoxication, as he was being verbally belligerent to her and the police). He also wanted another beer before we got home, and I told him no since he was already being somewhat verbally belligerent. He then accused me that I was going to nark on him tomorrow to my parents when he was at work. This incited me, and I told him he can leave if he wants to. I also told him that why would I want to move out with him when he treats me like this, and this sure bothered him. He knows that I would eventually like to move out, but I need to finish my internship hours in December. When he is sober, he is nice and understands this and says that I need to get on the right track with my job, but when he drinks too much, this all goes out the window. When we got home, I almost broke down in front of my parents, which probably would have started a conflict between my parents and AH, but I didn't. It took him about 1.5 hours since we got home to start sobering up and thinking rationally again, and is now being nice to me again and saying rational things. When I asked him if he wanted me to say yes to that last beer, he admitted that it would not have been a wise thing for him to do.

He says that he will quit drinking if we had our own place, as he would not need to drink. But I am not sure of this. I often wonder how he would be if we did have our own place. Whenever he drinks, it is the same old story about how he wants to move out in our own place. I wonder if he actually would be happier if we had our own place and would be less belligerent when he drinks. My parents think that his drinking would escalate and get worse if we had our own place. My AH says that he would be a lot happier if we had our own place which would decrease his drinking.

CarryOn

He's quacking...he wants to move out because your parents are getting between him and his alcohol. Sorry.

It's so hard when the amount they drink has a direct relationship on the quality of our days together. Have you set any boundaries for yourself? One of mine was to not speak with RAH after he'd had 4 or more beers at a given time. The first 3 he was in a good mood and fine to talk to. Somewhere between 4 & 6 he became difficult to talk to & everything became a fight. It reached a point where I would come home, could tell he'd been drinking, asked how many he'd had...if the answer was 2 or more (he always lied about the number), I just walked away. Saved me from a lot of stress, anxiety, and general emotional turmoil. He wouldn't remember the conversation so I was the only one effected.

Hugs, Justbreathe.

ErinGoBragh

He drinks because he is an alcoholic. People live in terrible circumstances, but they don't drink to cope with it. Perhaps you should stop listening to his litany of excuses as to why he drinks. I've lived under some pretty lousy circumstances, but it isn't an excuse to drink. Do you really believe what he is telling you?

I guess the question that pops into my mind is "Would he be a happy drunk rather than a nasty drunk?" Granted, he may be happier for a time, but I imagine something else would make him "unhappy" within a short period of time. After all, it would be another convenient excuse to drink.

JMO.

Soberintexas007

Thank you for your replies. I agree with you CarryOn that my parents are interfering wit his drinking. And Erin said exactly what I am wondering in better words. If we had our own place, there is a chance he may become a happy drunk, as all of his complaints when he is drinking and quacking concern my parents. And there is also that chance that he would become an unhappy drunk within a period as well.

But can you blame me for wanting to find this out? My parents said that in December they would match what he is paying for rent to get us a place until I make my own money. I really want to see how my husband will be on our own. If it does not work out, I can always move back in with my parents, he will have his own place, and at least I know that I gave my marriage this important try, right?

(Sidenote - When we were on our family vacation a few weeks ago, he was drinking and was fine. I never had a problem with him the whole week because he was happy and on vacation. So, there is this question mark in my mind that does maybe believe the mood of my husband when he is drinking is somewhat determined by his environment, or else he would have become belligerent on that vacation as well.)

NWGRITS

He's got you good. He drinks because he's an alcoholic. He's still going to drink when you have your own place. And he'll likely leave you hanging there fighting to keep the lights on while he continues to drink. He's always going to have a reason to pick up that next drink. Always. Being on your own is too stressful, it's raining, work isn't going well, it's Tuesday. Pick one and run with it. Do not get yourself further entangled with him.