torquemax777

I've been drinking in these forums like water in the dessert over the last few weeks; I have so many things I could ask. but I will cut to the chase with one very important question: if I am ready to leave an alcoholic husband, and I have no money, live in a town with a population of less than 4000, with no one hiring, no savings, and need to leave with two dogs, how is it possible??? Oh and the nearest Alanon meeting is hundreds of miles away, actually, the nearest towns (that are just as small or smaller/touristy) is at least 80 miles away in any direction and the biggest city is over 200 miles away. So, if I apply for jobs in a town where my daughter is attending college, I will have to make several 200 mile round trips to interviews where I may or may not get the job anyway, and I can't afford to both "save" to get out on my own, AND ALSO gas money to drive back and forth to interviews that far away. Also, if I do get a job, do I just then "hope" I get lucky right away and find a rental I can afford that will also allow my two dogs? Or do I save up and get the money for a rental, then "hope" I get a job before then next rent is due. I have yet to find a thread that addresses these "getting started on leaving" issues. A lot of sites and forums advise women to "get out" but never seem to address the "how to" aspect of that very issue???

CodeJob

Hello Torque,

Welcome to SR.

This thread might be helpful.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-leaving.html

torquemax777

I'm starting to see this as a "process" that may take some time. I have to learn patience. I have a tendency to be one of those people who procrastinates and then when I decide to finally do something, I want it done yesterday; like I may not get my haircut for a year and then all of a sudden I'm irritated that it's a Sunday and no one is open. Thanks for the link though! thanks!

Hammer

[insert list of 1000 things that you have not prepared . . . ]

I would submit that YOU are not ready.

Not talking about the A. Talking about you. You follow nothing on your list has much or even anything to do with any A?

All things are related solely to you -- but that IS GREAT.

Since we work on us, (and Hammer works on Hammer), and You work on You -- You can fix all that. Truth is -- once you start fixing you, you will barely even notice the A in the background.

dandylion

torquemax....I understand how isolated and alone you feel.

I have just read about his abuse on your recent post. By the way, "gaslighting" is a form of abuse.

I suggest that you contact the National Domestic Violence Organization. They have the resources to help you with the practical matters that you are facing. You will find them to be very kind and non-judgemental. They exist just to help those in your situation.
Your husband doesn't need to know....and you are not obligated to anything just because you talk to them. They will respect your wishes. They can even relocate you to a secret and safe location, if you wish.
Please do not disregard this source of help that is available to you.

I know that you feel "trapped", right now....but, you do have options and there is help!!

By the way...I know of a person who need to relocate their cats 2 states away...he contacted PETA...and they were able to help him get his cats transported. He found them to be very helpful.

Please keep posting...you are NOT alone...

dandylion

torquemax777

One thing I was unclear about; the "relocating the cats via PETA" does that mean giving them up to a "new home" cuz as lame as it sounds, I just can't not bring myself to do that yet. And thanks a million for your insight and wisdom ;-)

dandylion

torguemax....he left a small Missouri town to take a badly needed job in Wisconsin. A Missouri neighbor had agreed to care for the cats for a short time (only). His cats were his "heart"...but he only had barely enough money to go to Wisconsin on a greyhound bus.
He contacted PETA and shared his story...and they used their contacts to get the cats transported to Wisconsin. He had found a cheap rental place and more-or-less sneaked the cats in...LOL. He says that if anyone objects to the cats....he will offer more money each month on the rent for them to stay.

I don't know some of the intricate details...but, I was impressed at how PETA people responded to his pleas.

I have found out that if one needs help and goes aggressively to find it where ever they can....it is amazing how strangers will often be willing to reach out....

LOL....when going for help...it is best to treat it like a full-court press in the last quarter of the game. You turn over every rock;pull out all the stops.

dandylion

torquemax777

I've been as active on Craigslist "just looking" (I know you have to be careful) but there are sometimes some unique situations that I am keeping my eye out and may even eventually post an ad for. Things like; house sitting, live in caretaker, different roommate arrangements etc... I sure do appreciate the insight, wisdom, advice, and ideas on this forum though for sure!

dandylion

torquemax...yes, do be careful with craigslist for this type of thing. Many not so good people have their antennae out for very vulnerable people--like yourself.

Do not forgo the national domestic violence organization. They have connections and resources at their fingertips that might be hard to find, otherwise. They can help you get hooked up with housing, job placement, food, legal aid, transportation services, social services, counseling and safety measures.

I am rootin' for you, torquemax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

***maybe you could put up ads on community bulletin boards (in your 4 stores..LOL)...or go through someone that you trust in the church that you spoke of.....you never know.....

dogged

I could take ur dogs temp.til u grt situated..actually im looking for a roomate lol..message me if u need my help.

dogged

Theres tons of jobs here also

torquemax777

Wow! What a generous offer!!! One that I will take into consideration. Thing is, I have lost some valuable time with my daughters over this, and was "hoping" to relocate somewhere near one of them. Probably the youngest, who will be attending college in Durango CO (about 100 miles from here) But I am also open to new ideas and avenues. But if it requires a move that far (I'm in Blanding UT/4 corners area) I really need to make sure my ducks are in a row. But WOW! Thanks!

Shellcrusher

Im also one of those get it done now people. Over the years, I've made big moves and big choices. Some were good and some were not. Learning patience and ultimately letting go helped me immensely and I practice that stuff every moment of my life. It is one of many ways to start any process and being clear of mind or at least healthier in the head has always brought me closer to something better. It may not be "leaving" but it's a better life for me in the current time that I'm living.

dogged

I understand the time with the kids...colleges are reasonably priced here..something to consider..cheaper living for the kids also.. i have 4myself..all adults now and on thier own..think about it

torquemax777

That's true, regardless of when a person leaves, they have to find some way to "maintain" while they are getting their affairs in order. Got a lot to think about and prepare for. Thank you for the encouraging reply.

torquemax777

My kids have been at their dad's since my ex husband put a permanent restraining order on my AH. I don't really have any say in where they go to college; in fact, I don't even get to see them more than a few hours every few months. No restriction on me, but since their dad is their primary residence, and they are/were teenagers when this happened, and busy all the time, it's been hard for them to find time to spend with me. Plus, even though my AH has volunteered to leave the house anytime they want to visit day or night, any weather, but they tend to just come around mid day and leave by evening. They are now 18, 19, and 21. This incident happened back in 2011, so this "not seeing them much" has been going on for a few years now. Now that they are adults, I would like to live near them if possible. (shaking my head) It's ironic; the last couple summers before this happened, my AH and ex husband (who is not addicted to anything/Ward Cleaver-like) were really hitting it off and everything was as good as possible for a divorce situation. I got the kids half the week, he got the other. He even sent my youngest to live with me an AH over a couple summers because she and her step mom were butting heads so much....SIGH! How that all has changed. But if at all possible, if I leave this marriage, I feel compelled to be near at least one of them and "redeem" some time.. :-/