Ex's mental health
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Ex's mental health
I’m so worn out worrying about ex's effect on our kids. My XAH and I split when our kids were 17 and 14. After a lot of therapy the older one is doing pretty well. Hella angry still, but coping. The younger one, still at home, is in treatment for depression. Their father has had nothing much to do with them since he left (and the last 10 years before that, as he was actively drinking). As XAH tried to work a recovery this past year (white knuckle, not 12 step) he attempted to renew his relationship with them, and in some ways did pretty well stepping up, until early summer when he went homeless. (His high paying job, and now any job, long gone.) We have seen little of him as he’s been out of the area, but he came around this weekend.
It’s so stressful on everybody now to see him. He looks terrible (although he says he is sober), and his mental health seems to be deteriorating. He goes into rants about going off the grid and the evils of a society that he hopes never to rejoin. He says he bought a gun for protection.
I used to think that any level of relationship with their father, if sober, would help the children, particularly my younger son. But his situation is so unsettling that no one wants to see him. Anytime he shows up it upsets our hard-won equilibrium. He’s living in his car with a gun.
As of today I’ve asked him not to come by anymore. He said okay, although he said he doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t have much history of respecting boundaries. I hope I’m not going to end up having the call the cops, but I’m preparing myself to do that if he shows up. I thought of going to the station today with his plate number but decided not to do that, yet. He's made no threats and has no history of violence.
It’s so stressful on everybody now to see him. He looks terrible (although he says he is sober), and his mental health seems to be deteriorating. He goes into rants about going off the grid and the evils of a society that he hopes never to rejoin. He says he bought a gun for protection.
I used to think that any level of relationship with their father, if sober, would help the children, particularly my younger son. But his situation is so unsettling that no one wants to see him. Anytime he shows up it upsets our hard-won equilibrium. He’s living in his car with a gun.
As of today I’ve asked him not to come by anymore. He said okay, although he said he doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t have much history of respecting boundaries. I hope I’m not going to end up having the call the cops, but I’m preparing myself to do that if he shows up. I thought of going to the station today with his plate number but decided not to do that, yet. He's made no threats and has no history of violence.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Wow. Yes, definitely sounds like alcoholic delusion or maybe even drugs.
I'm so sorry you are living in this type of fear.
I hope he doesn't have a key. Maybe you should call the police for an information phone call. I've found them to be really helpful in giving me ideas of how to deal with unstable people. Your kids need to be equipped with strategies on how to deal with him should he approach them in any way when you are not present.
I'm so sorry you are living in this type of fear.
I hope he doesn't have a key. Maybe you should call the police for an information phone call. I've found them to be really helpful in giving me ideas of how to deal with unstable people. Your kids need to be equipped with strategies on how to deal with him should he approach them in any way when you are not present.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Key? hell no. We're divorced. I took the keys back when we separated in 2011. We go months without seeing him. He's homeless somewhat by choice, I think. His brother in a nearby state offered him a roof, although I doubt my former SIL is too thrilled about that prospect, they have several children. He seems to be on some kind of quest, I just want him to leave us out of it.
I have thought of going to the cops, they were helpful in the past when I had a scary neighbor. If I get a whiff of him coming around or an unpleasant message, I definitely will. So far he has really done nothing and made no threat. He's just clearly not all there anymore mentally.
I have thought of going to the cops, they were helpful in the past when I had a scary neighbor. If I get a whiff of him coming around or an unpleasant message, I definitely will. So far he has really done nothing and made no threat. He's just clearly not all there anymore mentally.
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