Liz08

Hi I am new to this type of thing I have never posted on a web site like this before. I am in desperate need of support, guidance, and just plan insight it to what to do about the situation that I have found myself in. I am pregnant with my second child, and my b/f that fathered this child has relapsed on meth-speed. This has happened within the last month and he fell hard and fast. We were not living together at the time of his relapse due to the fact that we were having other problems. He moved in with his mother and slowly I saw that things were changing with him. Up untill this point we were living together and planning on getting married next year. At one point he let me know that he had messed up and that he had relapsed once and that this would be it he didnt want that for his life and he wanted better for our family. Well once turned into twice and so on and so on. He is now a little over a month later completley re-involved with the drug lifestyle, and all his friends that he used to have are no longer people that he associates with. I am desperate for him to get help. I have tryed everything to get him to realize what he is doing. I've been distant to crying to trying to break it off. It seemd like everything that we had is slowly slipping away and our son is due next month. I already have a son from a previous relationship with another partner, and I just dont want to lose my b/f to this lifestyle. He has said that he feels stuck and he cant get out. He hardly ever calls anymore and when I talk to him we fight. I think he doesnt want to talk to me because he know knows that I totally dissaprove with what he is doing. He has already had problems with the law and I know for a fact that his PO is looking for him and has put a warrent out for his arrest. I am scared that something bad will happen to him in the mean time. I feel like everything that he is doing is affecting me as well, and I cant eat, sleep, or work. I dont know what to do any help at all would be greatly apprciated. Thanks in advance

Nightowl

Oh, Liz, I hate to answer as I am no expert on this. I am new here too and struggling with trying to figure out my situation as well. FIrst I will just say how sorry I am that your b/f is not there for you in this special time. The birth of a baby is such a special time. Such a wonderment...those little folks.

I am afraid you may have already lost your b/f to this lifestyle. He has a PO? and a warrant out for his arrest? He has a lot of problems that you don't need to be involved with and neither do your children. Is this his way of backing out of his responsibility to you and your child? I don't know what you can do at this point. I wish I had some magic words. You can't control a grown man. I will let someone else try to offer you some words of advice. I am not feeling very wise today. Some days I feel strong...today not.

Huge hugs and I will be thinking of you. Stay strong. Listen to your gut and take care of YOU and your future. Do NOT let him put you in any danger of legal ramifications. You certainly cannot afford that with your children.

Gabe

Hey Liz,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. There isn't anything you can say or do to make him seek help. That is something he has to want for himself.
Now, about you and that baby. You need to take care of the both of you. Your focus should be souly on that and not on the boyfriend. Stress and no sleep is not good at all when you're pregnant.
Come here and vent whenver you need to. There are lots of people here who understand what you're going through.
I'm glad you found us, stick around.
Gabe

noodles:)

I am definitely not an expert, but my sister was in a very similar situation about a year ago. After much heartache she decided that she needed to concentrate on her children and make sure that they were in a healthy environment. Having an addict around just created a stressful environment for everyone. If he decides to get help then consider having him be a part of you and your baby's life. Hugs to you and the best of luck!

myles1

Hi,

There is nothing you can do about him.. You must take care of you and your children though. Are there any support groups near you like a group for pregnant moms, alanon groups?

Ngaire

Soul Catcher

Honestly..........run and run fast for the sake of you and those beautiful children. Too many out there chose addicts almost over their own children. The one thing that I learned is that you are not his saviour and there is nothing you can do but suggest help. As sad as it is, it's all in his court. I too was pg going through alot of this crap and it took away so many precious memories because I was more focused on helping him. Don't marry him and get caught up in it. I know now what you eventually will. Being away from the stress will be good for you and the baby. Don't tolerate excuses from him. He's a big boy to make a life but then he can not control his own. Think about that. It's true you have to love yourself before you love others. You get counseling if you can. Otherwise. RUN. That is just my opionion. Children don't deserve to be put in that situation and I know you want the best.

Magichappens

Hi Liz,
Welcome. You may choose not to be with your bf, but you will have a child with him and that is going to keep you involved with him. It may be time to seek help in how to deal with addiction in your family. There is a lot of help and support in Al-Anon. They can help you learn to heal and become whole. They can give you tools to live a happy and serene life, even if your bf continues to go down this path. We can't control it, we can't cure it, and we didn't cause it. But we can help ourself, and those who are affected by it, namely your children. It takes courage to reach out, but there is so much that we can gain. You don't have to handle this alone. This forum is a good place to start. Browse the forum. You will find many that are dealing with the same things, and overcoming the h#ll this disease causes us. There is a link to Al-Anon under the Links and Resources forum. Hugs, Magic

angelar

Liz,
Thank God those children have you, because right now they don't have him.
Remember that.

I went through a pregnancy without the father and it is hard. I am so sorry that this is happening so soon to delivery. Maybe better before than afterwards, so you can prepare.

Find the people who are there for you right now and please try to enjoy this last part of pregnancy. Rub that tummy and talk to both of your children and let them know that Mom will be ok. They know when we are loosing it.

Please let us know how you are doing and keep us posted!

God bless,
Angela

Teggie

(((Liz)))) I'm glad you found us. Theres alot of good advice here for you. Magic is right you have a child together and that is going to forever bind you. You may have to deal with him alot because of this. Get the help you need to help you through. You have to take care of you and the baby right now. Keep posting here and check out the narcanon board too. Hugs! Teggie

Edge

Liz,
You are in the right place. Everytime your thoughts revert back to your bf, remember that you are more important... not only within your own right, but also with respect to the well being of your children. Try to keep the focus on yourself. You cannot do anything for him, but you can do things to keep yourself healthy.

Magichappens

Hi Edge,
Welcome. Glad you could join us. Don't be a stranger. Hugs, Magic