healthyagain

Actually, there were several of them:

1) I can control my rage. I can walk/drive away. I can then come back and keep it cool. I can calmly tell him how I feel. I can stay unaffected by his answer "do what you wanna do."
2) I can do what I wanna do. I can chop my fears into pieces. I know there are people who truly care about me (my family), no matter what.
3) It is easier to act if you have a plan/scenario in your head. I told myself that next time a potentially dangerous situation occurs, I'll be out, at the speed of light. No discussions with him. Just out. I did that this evening. A part of me felt lost, but at the same time, I was feeling powerful. I was in control of my adrenalin rush.
4) It is funny how our honeymoon lasts now only a day or two.

Timeiskey

Healthy,

Sounds like you are making your way through the steps...I am glad you can point to the positive! Stay strong.

healthyagain

I think that for the first time tonight, I saw him as a seriously sick man. Not an a-hole as usual, but a really really sick person who cannot control himself. It is sad, but not my responsibility. Not my problem. I must not fail again and be drawn into another argument. Well not tonight anyway, he is wasted. The night should be peaceful.

lillamy

I'm sorry to sound like a worried grandma here, but when the honeymoon periods start getting shorter, that's a definite warning sign. I hope you have a way to leave and stay out -- and you know, you don't have to wait until the next blowup.

Like you say -- you can do what you want. When you want it.