killerinstinct

XAH come to mine at 2am drunk. All I wanted to do was let him in to hug him and spend time with him.. But instead I called the police.. I had to break the cycle once and for all. I feel so sad because I missed him so much and just wanted to see him but I know I've done the right thing by not letting my feelings get in the way. So now maybe I can heal a bit more in the short time I have before we go to court.

MyGirlGracie

"KI"... thinking about you and sending you strength and healing hopes!

ladyscribbler

Hang in there killer, you're getting stronger every day. Hugs and hats off for making such a healthy choice.

bringiton

What a healthy strong choice you made for yourself. Chances are if you had let him in things wouldn't have gone well anyway. Sending you hugs!!

Blossom717

I agree with bringiton! you made a healthy decision for YOU

atalose

It was not an easy decision you made but one that will greatly benefit you in the long run.

YES breaking THAT cycle is how WE get healthy.

((hugs))

meggem

Killer how inspiring!!! I will remember your strength when I am faced with needing to do the right thing..

good job, give yourself a big hug..

PippiLngstockng

Killer, I've been there. In some ways I felt like I was betraying ah, and the children. And it was scary. What would he do to me afterwards?

But there was no better choice. I wish now thst I had called the police a few other times as well. Would have helped me now.

What are you doing to take care of, and especially, take care of yourself now?

You have to be vigilant because now he could be more enraged with you. Are you working with a domestic violence advocate??

(((Hugs)))

PippiLngstockng

Especially *protect* yourself

killerinstinct

Yep I have a DV worker, I am so scared, he's so charming I don't know what he will do or what the courts will say but at the same time I feel so sorry for him, finally he was reaching out to me, finally I thought he was coming back to us.. I guess I'll never know if he was or not... because I didn't get to see him and had him arrested... I've waited two years for him to come around and when he did I slammed the door on the opportunity.. Kicking myself for it. But I know he's messed up, I'll never get closure on this bit I pray and hope that this court order gives me closure to no longer be effected by how he runs his life by removing him from mine. It's been awful. I loved him so much, how could he turn my life upside down. What on earth am I dealing with?? It's like the more boundaries I put up the more I can see how horrible addiction is! I wonder if he's even bothered by the charges or if his ego is just bruised?? Has anyone on SR been in the position I am currently in, does anyone know what breaking the cycle of abuse feels like and what to expect emotionally speaking? God I loved him So much, how has my life come to such a mess??? I just don't get it, I thought he had a girlfriend, why is he coming around to mine at the wee hours of the night?? I don't believe it's about my son or maybe it is but definitely about controlling me but can't he just control whoever he is sleeping with and using and dating?? Why screw with my head when I actually loved him?? What is it with people like this that one persons not enough?? I'm frightened to see addiction now that I am healthier... It's like layer upon layer upon layer of lies, deceit, pain and suffering.. It's so heavy to even contemplate. I can't believe falling in love with one man could end like this but not even end!!!!

PippiLngstockng

KI,

I can only say this now, having got Xah permanently out of our home almost 2 years ago following an episode of DV.

Who you think he is and how you feel about him aren't the first matters at hand. Talk to us and a counsellor about the emotional bit, but if you are going to protect yourself you need to treat your situation in as business-like a manner as you can.

Protect your money and your assets. Figure out how you are going to keep safe for now and the long term. Things could get a whole lot worse for a while. It's like a hurricane warning is in effect.

The charm may just be a tool he uses to manipulate you. Don't trust him and don't trust your heart. Use your head. Force yourself.

And don't expect him to be considerate, rational or reasonable.

It gets easier the more you detach and go no contact.

And yes, it's agony, but you get yourself back in the end. And you are well worth it.

DMC

But what did he want? I mean, 2 am? Not a good time for anything good to happen. This was a recipe for disaster, especially with the background you've given us.

Good for you! Hard, yes. But definitely the right choice. I don't think you slammed the door on any "opportunity" - except perhaps to be battered and belittled and god only knows what else.

Stay strong. And try to keep your heart out of this. Abusers tend to become very dangerous when you try to leave... we love you, be careful. Listen to that little voice and trust your gut on this one.

Ann

Please don't beat yourself up. He was drunk, no matter what he might have said...he would have said it drunk.

If he comes back to you, let him come back after some long term sobriety. In the meantime live your life well, it's shorter than you think.

Hugs

LoveMeNow

Showing up at your house at 2:00 am drunk is NOT reaching out to you. He was just looking for another enabler/ victim. Based on your history with this very sick person, I am glad you trusted your instincts and called the police. Stay strong. Journal how you are feeling and forget trying to figure out he feels. That's his job!! Trying to figure out how I felt was far more then I could handle most of time.