What do you do when you're unhappy?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
What do you do when you're unhappy?
Pema Chodron Heart advice
August 13, 2014
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE UNHAPPY?
Sit quietly for a few minutes and become mindful of your breath as it goes in and out. Then contemplate what you do when you’re unhappy or dissatisfied and want to feel better. Even make a list if you want to. Then ask yourself: Does it work? Has it ever worked? Does it soothe the pain? Does it escalate the pain? If you’re really honest, you’ll come up with some pretty interesting observations.
These are the questions I ask myself when I want to drink to get rid of emotional pain. The relief is not real and does not last. It definitely escalates the pain. I used to think it worked but I was dead wrong. It's never worked. Drinking only caused more heartache for me and those around me.
I'm grateful I got this heart advice email from Pema this morning. Yesterday I was in so much pain and cried almost all day. I wanted to drink so badly, but I didn't. Made it through and I feel better today. I am grateful for that too.
August 13, 2014
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE UNHAPPY?
Sit quietly for a few minutes and become mindful of your breath as it goes in and out. Then contemplate what you do when you’re unhappy or dissatisfied and want to feel better. Even make a list if you want to. Then ask yourself: Does it work? Has it ever worked? Does it soothe the pain? Does it escalate the pain? If you’re really honest, you’ll come up with some pretty interesting observations.
These are the questions I ask myself when I want to drink to get rid of emotional pain. The relief is not real and does not last. It definitely escalates the pain. I used to think it worked but I was dead wrong. It's never worked. Drinking only caused more heartache for me and those around me.
I'm grateful I got this heart advice email from Pema this morning. Yesterday I was in so much pain and cried almost all day. I wanted to drink so badly, but I didn't. Made it through and I feel better today. I am grateful for that too.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
RB.....I wish I were there to hug you my friend!!! I am so sorry yesterday was so hard.
Thank you for sharing this. It is so very true. So many of the things we do are just temporary relief for a short time. We all need to learn how to cope in a much healthier way.
I am so glad you are feeling a bit better today. I hope your day continues to get better by the second!!!
Much Love!!!
Thank you for sharing this. It is so very true. So many of the things we do are just temporary relief for a short time. We all need to learn how to cope in a much healthier way.
I am so glad you are feeling a bit better today. I hope your day continues to get better by the second!!!
Much Love!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Thank you for sharing!
When I'm unhappy I will shop...which I can't really afford to do. So it doesn't help, just makes me stress more. or I sit and stew about the issue. which doesn't help either.
Good for you for staying strong!
When I'm unhappy I will shop...which I can't really afford to do. So it doesn't help, just makes me stress more. or I sit and stew about the issue. which doesn't help either.
Good for you for staying strong!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
RB, thank you very much for sharing that! I now have many of Pema Chodron's books on my want list at Amazon. I'm not sure which one I'll start with. Signing up for the emails is a wonderful idea.
I hope you have a much better day today. Congratulations on the successes you are finding and taking for yourself. ((((hugs))))
I hope you have a much better day today. Congratulations on the successes you are finding and taking for yourself. ((((hugs))))
Our suffering comes not from our actions or events in our lives, but about the thoughts we have about those events.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
This is really good, readerbaby. Thanks for sharing it, and I pray that today is a better day for you.
This is from a book I was reading this morning called How Big Is Your God? by Paul Coutinho:
"...Pain is a part of life, and we learn to find meaning in pain and to work through pain. We cannot work around pain; we have to work through it. We have to work through it and make it work for us. This too is freedom. The Buddhists believe that pain that is not resisted purifies and enlightens; pain that is resisted becomes suffering. Pain enlightens us about the true meaning of life."
It is true that when I have tried to resist pain in my past, it has lingered and become suffering. Because the hard part is knowing how to work through it. What you shared is a concrete way to face it.
Thank you! Hugs to you.
This is from a book I was reading this morning called How Big Is Your God? by Paul Coutinho:
"...Pain is a part of life, and we learn to find meaning in pain and to work through pain. We cannot work around pain; we have to work through it. We have to work through it and make it work for us. This too is freedom. The Buddhists believe that pain that is not resisted purifies and enlightens; pain that is resisted becomes suffering. Pain enlightens us about the true meaning of life."
It is true that when I have tried to resist pain in my past, it has lingered and become suffering. Because the hard part is knowing how to work through it. What you shared is a concrete way to face it.
Thank you! Hugs to you.
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Good post readerbaby 
You got me thinking this morning. Thank you!
I googled a lot of Pema quotes after reading this thread. What a beautiful individual with lovely thoughts. I love finding new reads and quotes and such Keeps my recovery strong. It is a necessity in my tool bank.
Just know your words helped me today. I hope today is better than yesterday for you. I am glad you didn't drink yesterday. Just think where you would be today if you did. Keep up the good work and keep posting things like this hugs!
You got me thinking this morning. Thank you!I googled a lot of Pema quotes after reading this thread. What a beautiful individual with lovely thoughts. I love finding new reads and quotes and such
Keeps my recovery strong. It is a necessity in my tool bank.Just know your words helped me today. I hope today is better than yesterday for you. I am glad you didn't drink yesterday. Just think where you would be today if you did. Keep up the good work and keep posting things like this
hugs!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I shop and eat In N Out. Both make me feel better for a little while but it doesn't solve anything. Lately I've been telling myself that I can be blue for a set period of time then I have to go so something. If today was a blue day for me, I'd compromise with myself that I could be a bum and wallow until noon and after that I need to go running for at least 15 minutes. Or that I need to go to the ocean at 1. Or go grocery shopping. Something productive that needs a little mental focus.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I'm very proud of you for not drinking yesterday. I hope you have another sober day today.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I'm very proud of you for not drinking yesterday. I hope you have another sober day today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. So glad to hear you didn't drink!
When I'm feeling blue I
1. Take a nap - This is what I call my attitude adjustment. Works pretty well most of the time.
2. Call a friend and talk about anything but what's making me feel down. This brings me out of my own self imposed funk and keeps me touch and helps me to gain perspective on my problems.
3. Exercise! Endorphins are a mood boosting natural high for me.
4. Snuggle/play with my cat. Warm, furry, purring bundle of love.
5. Sometimes I'll just let myself be sad for a bit. I'll have a good cathartic cry and let it all out. Another poster on another post described it as a release valve and I think that is it.
I hope you're having a better today.
When I'm feeling blue I
1. Take a nap - This is what I call my attitude adjustment. Works pretty well most of the time.
2. Call a friend and talk about anything but what's making me feel down. This brings me out of my own self imposed funk and keeps me touch and helps me to gain perspective on my problems.
3. Exercise! Endorphins are a mood boosting natural high for me.
4. Snuggle/play with my cat. Warm, furry, purring bundle of love.
5. Sometimes I'll just let myself be sad for a bit. I'll have a good cathartic cry and let it all out. Another poster on another post described it as a release valve and I think that is it.
I hope you're having a better today.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
First I stay unhappy for awhile. If you are miserable, why not spend some quality time and enjoy it?
But finally, really, prayer. Really serious deep prayer. Not that nickel and dime chant crap like at the beginning and end of the meetings.
Talking about down on the floor, hands, elbows, knees, toes and nose in contact with terra firma, that would make any of my Muslim buddies look over and say, "ehhhh, I did not know those Jesus Freaks could do that."
He is fairly good at turning those Frowns Upside Down.
Sort of like Joseph mused -- "you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good."
(btw, for anyone poking along through here, I would HIGHLY recommend the Joseph story, and ways of dealing with difficult families.)
By the time things are over, I am generally praising God for the experience, and thankful He sent the challenge my way as it draws me closer to Him.
Least that is how things seem to go with me.
But finally, really, prayer. Really serious deep prayer. Not that nickel and dime chant crap like at the beginning and end of the meetings.
Talking about down on the floor, hands, elbows, knees, toes and nose in contact with terra firma, that would make any of my Muslim buddies look over and say, "ehhhh, I did not know those Jesus Freaks could do that."
He is fairly good at turning those Frowns Upside Down.
Sort of like Joseph mused -- "you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good."
(btw, for anyone poking along through here, I would HIGHLY recommend the Joseph story, and ways of dealing with difficult families.)
By the time things are over, I am generally praising God for the experience, and thankful He sent the challenge my way as it draws me closer to Him.
Least that is how things seem to go with me.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I keep losing my posts today, ugh.
For me, a bad day is easy to manage for the most part. I can sleep extra, take a long bath, do some scream therapy, whatever fits the bill.
But true unhappiness tends to hang on me like a misty fog & as much as I hate to admit it - I'm a Moper. It's a hateful cycle - I spend the first part convincing myself that it's ok to wallow sometimes & then the 2nd half kicking myself in my own a$$ for wasting so much time/taking steps backward/affecting my family & those around me. I know I would probably work through it all faster if I could isolate myself away during that time, but that's not always realistic so I'm just trying to see the pattern & shorten it. I like Stung's approach of setting a time limit, I'll have to try that.
Once I make the conscious decision to stop the wallowing, I almost always, immediately, start noticing tons of little signs from my HP because I am shifting my POV outside of myself.... like the difference between staring at my feet while I walk vs. looking around at everything going on around me.
Alternately, I emotionally eat. I have been focusing on this part specifically over the summer (since I did a fasting/cleanse over the Summer Solstice in June) & have made some good headway with my roots, reasons, excuses, emotions, triggers & patterns. Slow, but steady progress there.
For me, a bad day is easy to manage for the most part. I can sleep extra, take a long bath, do some scream therapy, whatever fits the bill.
But true unhappiness tends to hang on me like a misty fog & as much as I hate to admit it - I'm a Moper. It's a hateful cycle - I spend the first part convincing myself that it's ok to wallow sometimes & then the 2nd half kicking myself in my own a$$ for wasting so much time/taking steps backward/affecting my family & those around me. I know I would probably work through it all faster if I could isolate myself away during that time, but that's not always realistic so I'm just trying to see the pattern & shorten it. I like Stung's approach of setting a time limit, I'll have to try that.
Once I make the conscious decision to stop the wallowing, I almost always, immediately, start noticing tons of little signs from my HP because I am shifting my POV outside of myself.... like the difference between staring at my feet while I walk vs. looking around at everything going on around me.
Alternately, I emotionally eat. I have been focusing on this part specifically over the summer (since I did a fasting/cleanse over the Summer Solstice in June) & have made some good headway with my roots, reasons, excuses, emotions, triggers & patterns. Slow, but steady progress there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I think. That sounds dumb. I retreat inside my head. I sometimes feel like I spend entirely to much mental energy just counting my blessings and reminding myself that I should be happy. So much head space geared towards fighting the desire to close all the doors and windows and just be left alone and not come out or face life.
I also eat which is a choice that only works very short term and of course long term it has bad results. When I exercise (which I hate, lol) I have an easier time not eating for comfort. I stopped that in May and now that things have evened out I need to start again and am finding it very very hard to get back in the routine. I should never ever ever ever stop no matter what!!!
I also eat which is a choice that only works very short term and of course long term it has bad results. When I exercise (which I hate, lol) I have an easier time not eating for comfort. I stopped that in May and now that things have evened out I need to start again and am finding it very very hard to get back in the routine. I should never ever ever ever stop no matter what!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
I just signed up for Pema Chodron Heart advice email. A little inspiration in my inbox could only help!
If anyone is interested you can find the sign up here Email Sign Up
How are you doing today Readerbaby? Hope you're feeling better!
If anyone is interested you can find the sign up here Email Sign Up
How are you doing today Readerbaby? Hope you're feeling better!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by readerbaby71 
I am grateful for that too.
combat unhappiness
for me it works every time
sometimes slowly
but, it works
getting out of ones self
MM
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by HopefulinFLA
I just signed up for Pema Chodron Heart advice email. A little inspiration in my inbox could only help!
If anyone is interested you can find the sign up here Email Sign Up
How are you doing today Readerbaby? Hope you're feeling better!
If anyone is interested you can find the sign up here Email Sign Up
How are you doing today Readerbaby? Hope you're feeling better!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
My bad coping method is shopping. My good coping method is biking.
I've been shopping a lot lately??? Argh. So last night a couple of friends came over and helped me clean up my garage, which included organizing all my bike gear and putting a bunch of junk together to take to auction.
I broke my bike. I was having too much fun at an event, was all over the place zipping around, rode about 45 miles in 2 1/2 hours, hurt the nerves in my hand, and accidentally dropped my bike and the derailleur got bent. I have to get that fixed too, so I can "go to church" again on a regular basis. Apparently I also need gloves, like a dork.
Between the kids' birthdays, school fees, having to replace my 10 year old car, and buying a bunch of stupid stuff, I'm smarting over money. I'm trying not to spend what I have left on stupid stuff. On my bike, zipping around outdoors, is where I feel my most grateful and abundant. When I can't do that I lose ground fast. Please let winter stay away for awhile.
I've been shopping a lot lately??? Argh. So last night a couple of friends came over and helped me clean up my garage, which included organizing all my bike gear and putting a bunch of junk together to take to auction.
I broke my bike. I was having too much fun at an event, was all over the place zipping around, rode about 45 miles in 2 1/2 hours, hurt the nerves in my hand, and accidentally dropped my bike and the derailleur got bent. I have to get that fixed too, so I can "go to church" again on a regular basis. Apparently I also need gloves, like a dork.
Between the kids' birthdays, school fees, having to replace my 10 year old car, and buying a bunch of stupid stuff, I'm smarting over money. I'm trying not to spend what I have left on stupid stuff. On my bike, zipping around outdoors, is where I feel my most grateful and abundant. When I can't do that I lose ground fast. Please let winter stay away for awhile.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
