It's like a bomb went off
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
It's like a bomb went off
Well my eyes have been opened. Its like a piece of me has shattered but it was a diseased, sick piece of me that kept me in denial.
I've long suspected my AH (soon to be ex!!!!!!) had other addictions. I did something totally codie and checked his phone. Normally his contacts, pics, texts are hidden but lately he's been too drunk to even function. So.... phone was full of nasty sick porn. I honestly didnt even know stuff like that existed. And he has about 80 contacts for women. Now a handful may be work related but the vast majority are women he met on dating sites. I wouldnt be surprised if he's seen prostitutes either.
He's still carrying on his affair with OW. And she can have him. Her and half the town apparently.
He threatened to kill me if I ever leave him and sent me a string of bizarre texts. He's drinking a 1.75 L of vodka daily.
So the good news? I am unequivocally ready for divorce. It not only feels like the right thing but the ONLY thing to do at this point. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted.
We were already planning to live separately. He has kept all the finances from me and has controlled me in that way for years. I have a good lawyer in mind but I feel I need to proceed with extreme caution given the threats and mental instability I am seeing. I plan to contact the DV hotline for guidance.
I'm scared for the kids and I financially. We do rely on his income and I don't see how he can keep his job much longer. But its killing me to stay with him. My therapist told me you will know when its the right time to divorce. I've struggled with this decision for 18 months and now is the right time. Its like a huge weight has been lifted.
Now I just look at him and see a very, very sick man with a miserable life. I cant believe it took me so long. I have to figure out how to come to terms with his addictions and not feel like they are somehow a reflection on me. I'm happy to have made the decision to divorce but shame and depression wash over me when I think of his actions and how I let him treat me.
I've long suspected my AH (soon to be ex!!!!!!) had other addictions. I did something totally codie and checked his phone. Normally his contacts, pics, texts are hidden but lately he's been too drunk to even function. So.... phone was full of nasty sick porn. I honestly didnt even know stuff like that existed. And he has about 80 contacts for women. Now a handful may be work related but the vast majority are women he met on dating sites. I wouldnt be surprised if he's seen prostitutes either.
He's still carrying on his affair with OW. And she can have him. Her and half the town apparently.
He threatened to kill me if I ever leave him and sent me a string of bizarre texts. He's drinking a 1.75 L of vodka daily.
So the good news? I am unequivocally ready for divorce. It not only feels like the right thing but the ONLY thing to do at this point. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted.
We were already planning to live separately. He has kept all the finances from me and has controlled me in that way for years. I have a good lawyer in mind but I feel I need to proceed with extreme caution given the threats and mental instability I am seeing. I plan to contact the DV hotline for guidance.
I'm scared for the kids and I financially. We do rely on his income and I don't see how he can keep his job much longer. But its killing me to stay with him. My therapist told me you will know when its the right time to divorce. I've struggled with this decision for 18 months and now is the right time. Its like a huge weight has been lifted.
Now I just look at him and see a very, very sick man with a miserable life. I cant believe it took me so long. I have to figure out how to come to terms with his addictions and not feel like they are somehow a reflection on me. I'm happy to have made the decision to divorce but shame and depression wash over me when I think of his actions and how I let him treat me.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
We always say you'll know when it's time. It's your time. I'm so sorry for the loss of time, hope, and dreams, but I'm so happy to see that you've chosen to love yourself enough to get out. We will all be here to support you through the storm that lies ahead. Lean on us when you need strength. (((Hugs)))
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Catherine628 
I have to figure out how to come to terms with his addictions and not feel like they are somehow a reflection on me. I'm happy to have made the decision to divorce but shame and depression wash over me when I think of his actions and how I let him treat me.
And don't you ever feel shame either. Ever.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
"So the good news? I am unequivocally ready for divorce. It not only feels like the right thing but the ONLY thing to do at this point. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted."
For me it was a gift when I finally had the clarity I needed. I am so sorry you are having to go through this but can assure you that there is a good life on the other side.
For me it was a gift when I finally had the clarity I needed. I am so sorry you are having to go through this but can assure you that there is a good life on the other side.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
Thanks guys. I just can't wait to be free. I'm sad that our kids have this drama but for us divorce is better than living with active addiction.
He keeps telling me that I'm psychotic. This is the first time I can see how much he projects onto me when he's drinking and how the addiction has a death grip on him.
I'll pray that he finds peace someday but I don't want to stick around and see what happens.
He keeps telling me that I'm psychotic. This is the first time I can see how much he projects onto me when he's drinking and how the addiction has a death grip on him.
I'll pray that he finds peace someday but I don't want to stick around and see what happens.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
I have great friends, some that live in buildings with 24 hour security. In fact the security guards know me and my situation. I've had to show up in the middle of the night before.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Catherine,
Talk to a lawyer FIRST. Before you move out or do anything else. You need to be very aware of the laws in Texas and you will need to plan your move-out and financial and child-access VERY CAREFULLY.
Please get an appointment with a good attorney who can get you into court quickly for temporary orders. And possibly require your H to move out instead of you. Just go and get some legal advice right away.
Good luck to you.
Talk to a lawyer FIRST. Before you move out or do anything else. You need to be very aware of the laws in Texas and you will need to plan your move-out and financial and child-access VERY CAREFULLY.
Please get an appointment with a good attorney who can get you into court quickly for temporary orders. And possibly require your H to move out instead of you. Just go and get some legal advice right away.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 67
Catherine, I feel like telling you sorry and congratulations in one Hallmark card. I'm sorry for you and your kids being in this situation to begin with but I'm so happy for you and them that your are finally ready. Please be so careful and stay safe. Don't feel silly or bad for taking every precaution to keep yourselves safe.
Ladyinbc made the comment about shame that touched me deeply. You may have to say it to yourself ten times a day before you believe it but it's true.
Ladyinbc made the comment about shame that touched me deeply. You may have to say it to yourself ten times a day before you believe it but it's true.
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