PippiLngstockng

Although not completely off topic, for those of you what can possibly happen next, after you get out of the clutches of a crazy manipulative AH...

The answer in my case seems to be: lots

I am completely responsible for my, in some eyes, unforgivable involvement with MG #1 and 2. (Although even my most-conservative church-going European friends are only encouraging me, somewhat confusingly and annoyingly to me)

But I didn't see this one coming. I workout with this group of athletes, mostly men who are at a pretty high level in the sport. I have known them since when I thought I was happily married to the big sudden drama to now my days as a single and sometimes pretty scared single mother.

Well, they are like family almost except I have only shared little bits of what has happened in my marital life. They do get the gist and they know me well, as I know them. Because when you workout hard with someone it's just intimate. They know me sweaty and exhausted and clueless and faltering and strong and confident. Like I know them.

There's one fellow that I always particularly admired. As a person. I saw him as my friend and someone I especially respected as a father of two young children and as funny and bright, kind and strong.

Well today at training he came out and told me that he has feelings for me. I circumvented the whole thing, didn't address him directly ( not my strength) and also mentioned that I met someone. This didn't deter him but did change the tone. And others in the group joined us so that was that.

The world is so strange to me lately. I was home being a faithful wife and devoted mother for 18 years. Then AH went beserk. And now this.

Yell at me for MG #1 and 2, but I can't see how I did anything to lead to this except just admire in a friendship way this person I know.

I need to figure out the adult world. I think all those years barefoot and pregnant kept me ignorant of grown up land.

LivingLife4Me

Wow, you are just too much Miss Pip. That's all I can say without getting tossed off the board.

Sue

AnvilheadII

oh please. say NO. he's MARRIED.

PippiLngstockng

I did say no, in my own way!!! I told him I met someone I really like and was happy about.

PippiLngstockng

I didn't process it until I got home. I had just had an intense workout, was disgustingly smelly and sweaty, got home put kids to bed took a bath and then realized what had just happened.

I am slow like that.

LoveMeNow

IMHO, these men are picking up on your vulnerability and very low self esteem. Three married men are not a coincidence. Keep working on you, you deserve better then these lying, cheating men They are not your white nights in armor but more of your total jerks in tinfoil.

PippiLngstockng

When I was married none of these things ever happened to me. Ever. I was living in the middle of nowhere surrounded by moose and coyotes, tending my babies and vegetable garden.

Isn't there anyone else out there finding being single for the first time in two decades really crazy?

PippiLngstockng

Vulnerable, yes. I don't know about the self esteem. I don't think it's high or low, necessarily.

LoveMeNow

Oh yes but the men are just plain dogs. Nothing that meets my values. The married men are worse. I can't be bothered with such low life's.

Fandy

Why do you only seem to have social interactions with married men?
How do you not meet ANY single men?
I think "your own way" feeds your insecurity or maybe it is revenge?

LoveMeNow

Women with healthy self esteem and values do not have affairs with married men nor do they "befriend" them.

PippiLngstockng

I have thought about who I know. The one thing they all have in common in particular is that they all share my sports interests.

And yes, at the moment, everyone I workout with has a girlfriend at the moment or is married.

Last year I was meeting single athletes but they were so young I couldn't deal with that either.

PippiLngstockng

I don't know what you mean by befriend but when you train with people you chat, share anecdotes and they are your friends!

PippiLngstockng

LMN - do you really think all men are dogs?

LoveMeNow

No, I don't! However, since I have been single, the real dogs have come out. Married, my STBXAHs friends, my God....even his former sponsor. Oh, he acts like MR. wonderful and Mr. Caring but.....please....how inappropriate is that?? I eventually had to block him!!

PippiLngstockng

Ok, I have to try to get some sleep. I hope that when I wake up this thread won't have been shut down because we can't talk about these things without people getting so mad the authorities have to step in again.

I do appreciate a place to try to figure out matters. I am really sad about this fellow. I thought he was an upstanding citizen.

Maybe I just can't be friends with men anymore, now that I am not married.

amy55

Pippi,

What would you like to really discuss? I have many men friends. In fact, since I moved here, my friends are men, and they brought their wives around to meet me, and now their wives are my friends.

My friends are my contractors. They knew I was recently divorced, they knew I was hurting, but not one of them tried to get into my pants.

I have a lot of respect for them, and they have a lot of respect for me.

Also all of my neighbors that I've met here. I met the husband first. They just wanted to help me out. Then they introduced me to their wife.

AnvilheadII

let's say you have a coupon 50 cents off mangos....you go grocery shopping and swing by the produce section to check out the mangos...and they are all squishy and mottled and ick is that some mold????

do you buy the unpalatable mangos. just because you had a coupon?

married men are rotting mangoes and all you have is a coupon.

buyer beware.

LoveMeNow

Be careful of a man (or woman) who makes you feel too good about yourself ~ my friend's therapist.

Pippi, fix you, fix your hurt, pain, anger and disappointment. Once healed, these men will be repulsive too you.

Stung

#realtalk

Since we do live in the land of adults and I am currently a stay at home mom I can tell you that even I do know how this stuff works. Have you ever had a job? Those people that work along side of you, those are co-workers. Sure some of then become friends and you meet their spouses or do small stuff outside if work but they are side friendships usually, not primary ones. Ditto for teammates. These guys are friendly with you but they hopefully aren't your primary friends. Personally, I'd leave relationship talks and divorce talks for primary friends.

I'm friends with a couple of stay at home dads and I think it would be inappropriate for me to start airing my dirty laundry to them. I'm friendly with those guys but they aren't my primary friends. I think you're being taken advantage of and being a little naive. I'm saying this nicely. Have you ever seen Little Children with Kate Winslet? I would flip my lid and find a new playground if one of my SAHD friends EVER even remotely hit on me. Not cool.