OT - Married Guy #3
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
Croissant - I really am slow. I wasn't getting what he was saying hardly until I got home and thought. I did tell him I had met someone but I did that instinctually. I don't know why I am so stupid, but my mother is also really slow to process things and it takes her days of thinking to sort out people stuff.
I would never go near MG #3!!!
I would never go near MG #3!!!
There is a pattern here, I did the same thing. Deliberately seeking out these married men by putting myself in these kinds of situations. Rebellious? Yes I was that way too. I am no spring chicken here either, I was 44 and believe me good for my ego. It's all about instant gratification, when we have no control we want that control.
A lot of people here have dealt with infidelity so this thread is going to cause some controversy. It's a sensitive subject. Personally I feel bad for even posting in this thread, however maybe I needed to.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Be careful with your reasoning, Pippi. You don't have to 'touch someone' to have a reputation. Emotional affairs are just as destructive as sexual affairs. Flirtation, flattery, sharing intimate personal woes with married men...those things are off limits. Once you start overstepping those boundaries and you will earn yourself a reputation.
Like I said earlier, outside observers aren't dumb. My life-long best friend used to slip into flirtation mode whenever an attractive man was in her presence. It used to dumbfound me...it was like she didn't care that others could see it. She would flirt with a man in the presence of his wife and think nothing of it.
My former co-worker is the same way...she doesn't hesitate to put out non-verbal cues to the married men in the room (big smiles, winks, wide-eyed attention to stories, hanging on a man's every word, laughing at his jokes, playing with her hair, etc.). I'm already anticipating you telling me you don't do those things, Pippi, but my guess is that you do at least some of them.
Former co-worker and I were at the same family party at a mutual friend's home recently. While mutual friend and I were talking, former co-worker was 10 feet away opening up to mutual friend's husband about personal health problems, the woes of single parenthood, no health insurance, etc. Mutual friend's husband got sucked right in. Former co-worker should never have been sharing those stories with HIM. She could have been confiding in other women, but instead of sitting and talking with us, she was playing forlorn maiden with a married man.
LadyinBC made a brilliant statement yesterday in her very honest post. Having the 'ability' to cause someone to stray from their marriage is pretty powerful. Much like a drug right? Your husband's drug is alcohol. He cheated on you with alcohol. You're finding ways to justify your drug of choice (married men) in the same way alcoholics/addicts defend their drug of choice. I think you want better for yourself, Pippi, but it's up to you to start choosing healthy relationships for yourself instead of ones that lead to nothing but more heartache for everyone around you.
Like I said earlier, outside observers aren't dumb. My life-long best friend used to slip into flirtation mode whenever an attractive man was in her presence. It used to dumbfound me...it was like she didn't care that others could see it. She would flirt with a man in the presence of his wife and think nothing of it.
My former co-worker is the same way...she doesn't hesitate to put out non-verbal cues to the married men in the room (big smiles, winks, wide-eyed attention to stories, hanging on a man's every word, laughing at his jokes, playing with her hair, etc.). I'm already anticipating you telling me you don't do those things, Pippi, but my guess is that you do at least some of them.
Former co-worker and I were at the same family party at a mutual friend's home recently. While mutual friend and I were talking, former co-worker was 10 feet away opening up to mutual friend's husband about personal health problems, the woes of single parenthood, no health insurance, etc. Mutual friend's husband got sucked right in. Former co-worker should never have been sharing those stories with HIM. She could have been confiding in other women, but instead of sitting and talking with us, she was playing forlorn maiden with a married man.
LadyinBC made a brilliant statement yesterday in her very honest post. Having the 'ability' to cause someone to stray from their marriage is pretty powerful. Much like a drug right? Your husband's drug is alcohol. He cheated on you with alcohol. You're finding ways to justify your drug of choice (married men) in the same way alcoholics/addicts defend their drug of choice. I think you want better for yourself, Pippi, but it's up to you to start choosing healthy relationships for yourself instead of ones that lead to nothing but more heartache for everyone around you.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
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Nah, I don't think you are listening at all. I think you have this obsessive self centered need to make waves and be the center of attention.
We get it, you are special , you are hot and buff and men, especially married ones, are throwing themselves at you.
We are all so jealous and wish we could be you. Is that what you want to hear and then maybe you will knock this off?
I believe we are all here to support one another, but I think these conversations are better had with your therapist. It's becoming an alarming trend with you.
We get it, you are special , you are hot and buff and men, especially married ones, are throwing themselves at you.
We are all so jealous and wish we could be you. Is that what you want to hear and then maybe you will knock this off?
I believe we are all here to support one another, but I think these conversations are better had with your therapist. It's becoming an alarming trend with you.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Sungirl, what I just meant was that the most recent replies were really helpful and I appreciate their responses. That was what I wanted to hear. Words and ideas that allow me to figure things out.
I am not proud. Quite the contrary.
I am not proud. Quite the contrary.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am going to step out of this thread, but I do want to say Pippi, maybe you need to observe who your friends are. Is it possible you are setting yourself up with these men in a physical environment on purpose? I think you are focusing on you after a really long and hard time in your life. However, maybe you need to do so in an environment that is more geared towards establishing friendship with some strong women in your life. I am not saying don't go near any men. That's not healthy either. But you should be able to do things without this constant issue of married men.
I also don't think I believe the culture gap is that huge. I know people from other countries who don't condone affairs, even emoational ones. For them, marriage is marriage, which includes a commitment to their spouse. Maybe it is the morals of the people you are associating yourself with?? Just throwing that out there. I don't mean this critically, I am genuinely concerned about you and where all of this could go for you.
Be strong in your own values and who you are Pippi. Treat others as you want to be treated. You were very hurt in your own marriage, your children have been hurt in your marriage. I know you don't want another family going through that on your clock.
Hugs. It takes time to figure out who you are without your Xhusband and his drama hanging around your neck all the time. It will come.
XXX
I also don't think I believe the culture gap is that huge. I know people from other countries who don't condone affairs, even emoational ones. For them, marriage is marriage, which includes a commitment to their spouse. Maybe it is the morals of the people you are associating yourself with?? Just throwing that out there. I don't mean this critically, I am genuinely concerned about you and where all of this could go for you.
Be strong in your own values and who you are Pippi. Treat others as you want to be treated. You were very hurt in your own marriage, your children have been hurt in your marriage. I know you don't want another family going through that on your clock.
Hugs. It takes time to figure out who you are without your Xhusband and his drama hanging around your neck all the time. It will come.
XXX
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
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Wow 3 married men huh? Somehow right now you are attracting them. I would avoid that drama at all costs. Keep focusing on you and keep in mind what exactly you want out of a partner. I'm sure it is not someone who is already hitched to someone else. If you keep focusing on what you want and deserve you will eventually attract it.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Thanks unsure.
Maybe that is who I just happen to have around me. My girlfriends are pretty much all married too.
I don't want to meet single men online or go to bars. Anyway, they could also turn out to be married.
I guess I just need to proceed with more caution. I haven't been careful enough.
Maybe that is who I just happen to have around me. My girlfriends are pretty much all married too.
I don't want to meet single men online or go to bars. Anyway, they could also turn out to be married.
I guess I just need to proceed with more caution. I haven't been careful enough.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
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This isn't Rocket Science Pip.
At your age you are too old to be claiming naivete in the ways of the world. The reason the marrieds are picking you out of the crowd is because you are ok with it. There is nothing extraordinary or special about you TO THEM other than they push the envelope a little further and you don't shut it down. They are like vultures, it starts with innocent talk and the like and then they push it a little bit further....if your response is to throw the red light on they stop. Green light go.
Some men are pigs and some women are pigs. If you want to stop being ground fodder for the piglets close the trough.
As for meeting singles plenty of ways to do that without going online or in a bar.
At your age you are too old to be claiming naivete in the ways of the world. The reason the marrieds are picking you out of the crowd is because you are ok with it. There is nothing extraordinary or special about you TO THEM other than they push the envelope a little further and you don't shut it down. They are like vultures, it starts with innocent talk and the like and then they push it a little bit further....if your response is to throw the red light on they stop. Green light go.
Some men are pigs and some women are pigs. If you want to stop being ground fodder for the piglets close the trough.
As for meeting singles plenty of ways to do that without going online or in a bar.
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I had just had an intense workout, was disgustingly smelly and sweaty
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Isn't there anyone else out there finding being single for the first time in two decades really crazy?
There was no way I was even able to HAVE feelings -- sexual, emotional, attractional (if that is a word) for a man. I don't think it was a coincidence that the man I did end up marrying was a person I've known my entire adult life. Someone who was there as a friend (and only a friend) while I was going through divorce hell.
And just like you, I found that the guys hitting on me were -- surprise, surprise -- married. Every single one of them. I never made the connection back then, but I think LoveMeNow hit the nail on the head: They sensed vulnerability, and they saw a chance for a relationship that didn't require much of them but could have a good payout on what little investment they were interested in making.
I don't think a man who is happy in his marriage behaves like that. I don't think a man who respects women behaves like that. I'm glad I wasn't in a place emotionally where I could even entertain the thought of whether or not I wanted to be involved -- it wasn't just a no, it was a resounding HELL NO...
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
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As soon as my separation became known, guys (married and not) came out of the woodwork to see if I was still warm. I'm in my early thirties and people are coming out of first marriages, or are contemplating failing marriages, and are on the market for the first time in a long time, or are testing the waters to see what's out there.
I made it really clear I wasn't going to settle this time, and I didn't. I have met someone really nice and have been seeing him casually for a few months. He respects my boundaries and I respect his. If he was partnered, I wouldn't have even considered him available, and if he acted as though he was available, red flags would be popping up all over the place.
You're not seeing the red flags, Pip. What's up with that?
I made it really clear I wasn't going to settle this time, and I didn't. I have met someone really nice and have been seeing him casually for a few months. He respects my boundaries and I respect his. If he was partnered, I wouldn't have even considered him available, and if he acted as though he was available, red flags would be popping up all over the place.
You're not seeing the red flags, Pip. What's up with that?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Simply, when they smile the way they do, those little red flags don't look so alarming.
Xah didn't look at me like that, especially not over the past, oh, 10 years or so.
These men may be wretches, but as a whole they are funny and smart and charming, communicative, romantic, successful gorgeous sober wretches.
Maybe if I just stick with MG #2. He lives awfully far away.
And surely I will meet a single guy that I like pretty well soon enough?
Xah didn't look at me like that, especially not over the past, oh, 10 years or so.
These men may be wretches, but as a whole they are funny and smart and charming, communicative, romantic, successful gorgeous sober wretches.
Maybe if I just stick with MG #2. He lives awfully far away.
And surely I will meet a single guy that I like pretty well soon enough?
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