Please help me

Old 08-11-2014, 09:45 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Please help me

I'm going to make this short... I checked my MrNumber app before going to bed tonight ( I know it was stupid of me) but things have been quiet lately and I haven't heard from my ex and tonight I noticed like 10 texts and a missed call from earlier today and tonight... On top of my ex being an alcoholic and addict, he has some serious untreated mental problems... Long story short he got my son a phone (its not his son and I was totally not for it) and now that we are no longer together we are sharing the bill... He was texting me tonight saying that he is leaving within a week and can't get into specifics and wanted to make sure this phone bill was ironed out because his family is going to be dealing with enough once he leaves... I know you may think this is quaking but my ex just did 11yrs in prison and is actively using which makes him pretty much capable of whatever.. All sorts of thoughts are goin through my head as to what he is up to, but my question is do I just ignore it and not tell anyone? I am very cool with his sister, do I tell her? He specifically told me to keep the all this quiet, but my head is spinning... I know the possibilities of what could happen and none of them are good... I've remained NC for almost a month now and really don't want to get caught back up in all this craziness but I'm scared if something terrible happens to him or anyone else and I knew about it... Please help me .. I was doing so well and I'm going through alot right now with losing my grandmother soon and my emotions are just getting the best of me
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:53 PM
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I would probably stick with NO CONTACT. Focus on your serenity right now.
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:55 PM
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Stay no contact. Especially if he is up to no good. This is NOT the moment to re-engage the crazy which could be the illegal crazy, ya know. Get your kids phone plan off his bill if that is the issue. If the phone place won't let you, get rid of the plan and get a new plan not connected to him in any way.
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:57 PM
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I can understand your confusion and fear, as well as your reluctance to re-engage with him.
With some things, I don't believe in keeping secrets, as when one's basic welfare is in question.
You know him and what he may be referring to best.
I believe I would have a chat with the sister.

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Old 08-11-2014, 10:26 PM
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Humm . I would not engage with him. You could report it to the police as anonymous and leave it in there court just make sure to write down your case number.
I feel.sad that I know about this process
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:03 AM
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The phone is under his aunt's name, which would mean I would have to make contact.. I planned on just sending my half for the phone by check and leaving it at that.. If I ask her to cancel the contract, I would feel obligated to pay the 350.00 cancellation fee, which I do not have right now.. I could pay it in a few months when I get my income tax, but not right now, I am over my head with bills and make literally just enough to pay them... I feel stuck I am not going to contact him or engage in whatever it is he is up to.. I have to trust God's plan, as hard as that may be... I just have a lot of sadness I am sitting with.. My grandmother is on hospice and I am grieving that, I am grieving the loss of my ex, someone who was a childhood friend, my best friend and I am just hating the disease of addiction right now.. As much as I know how crazy he can get while on a binge, I am still grieving that wonderful man I know he can be, the guy I fell in love with and grew up with.. My heart is hurting and there is nothing I can do to prevent anything that is going to happen – with my grandmother or with my ex and sitting with all of this is just overwhelming
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Old 08-12-2014, 08:01 AM
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I agree with what Live said earlier (have a chat with sister) or just send her a text if u would be more comfortable with that,keep it short and to the point tell her what he said and how you felt when reading his text anxiety due to your history with him (just wanting to make sure someone is aware of what according to him he is doing)and thats it leave it at that.Dont contact him. All you are wanting to do is know for your own peace of mind, that you have made an effort to keep anyone including him from being harmed.Thats all you can do he is a grown man,you cant control his choices and you cant pay for his mistakes,they belong to him.Im so sorry you've been put in such a horrible place having to make these decisions its so un fair. Dont keep a secret for him
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Old 08-12-2014, 08:48 AM
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Take it with a grain of salt but imo contacting sister is just going to keep u in mess.

She will probably tell u something that will peak your intrest and keep u attached in some form or fashion.

I hope the best for u whatever u decide.
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Old 08-12-2014, 09:31 AM
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isn't it kind of difficult to be best friends/lovers with someone who just got out of prison for 11 years? someone who is not sober? that you broke up with a month ago. He is not the father of your child, you do not owe him anything.

this all sounds like so much immature DRAMA you place yourself in. If the phone is in someone else's name you are not responsible for the bill. it's a big mess, just step out of it, stop checking texts messages and wondering what he is up to. Do you WANT to stay connected to him? HE got the phone with his AUNT, not you. You were "against it" YOU are the parent responsible for your child.

I don't understand why you feel the need to start duplicate threads in different forums, it is confusing.
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Old 08-12-2014, 10:26 AM
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Just my advice
#1 send the phone back to the aunt and let her know that you do apprectiate her help but you can no longer afford even half of the bill. I'm sorry, but the rest (cancelation fees) is between your ex and her nephew, expecially considering that you did not want your son to have it in the first place. If she asks, a simple"please take this up with him because I did not make the arrangements for the phone to begin with". the end
#2 no contact means no contact. Remind yourself that his business is no longer your business. Every second you take to wonder what he is up to is wasted time. Catch yourself, stop, bring the focus back to you, your son...heck whip out the budget and start adding up the saved money from that 1/2 phone bill...figure out how many months it would take to save for a minor splurge for you and your son (nothing super expensive, just set a goal,maybe give him a set cash number and see if he has ideas). Use that wasted time on him towards something positive and attainable.
#3 breathe, just breathe. Life is complicated and sometimes gut wrenchingly painful. Mourn, grieve. Do your self and your son a huge favor and find atleast one silly thing to do a day (standout in the rain, stomp in a mud puddle, slide down a hallway in socks, sing offkey loudly). The beauty of life is that as complicated and crazy as it can be, you can count on the uncomplicated silly things to be there for you to enjoy when you are ready. What would grandma say in all her aged wisdom? What would you say to your best friend if she was going through this now? Be your best friend. Be kind and patient and nonjudgemental with yourself, whether you believe it or not. just need to keep moving forward even in the rain.

bottomline: what is perceived as overwhelming is usually a good indicator that you need to reach out for support...guess what, you are reaching out and here we are in all our messed up complicated lives doing our best to give you that support. Take what you need,leave all the rest...You are stronger than you even realize yet.
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Old 08-12-2014, 10:44 AM
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I understand that you feel obligated, but it is not really your problem. He bought YOUR child a phone after YOU objected and told him not to. He created this obligation over your objections, probably as a way to keep you on the hook. Agree with HikerLady. Return the phone to his aunt via mail and let them deal with the problem they have created by ignoring your boundary. Stay nc.
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:21 PM
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I say ignore.
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Old 08-12-2014, 01:18 PM
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Long story short he got my son a phone (its not his son and I was totally not for it) and now that we are no longer together we are sharing the bill...

send the phone back to the aunt. it's really NOT your problem unless you make it so. you didn't sign any contract, you are under no obligation. read that again NO obligation. take out the sim card and be done with it, send it to the aunt or the carrier.

as for him saying what he's going to do....if you weren't still reading texts (on the boy's phone or yours?) you wouldn't even know. again you are under ZERO obligation to respond or react. and telling his family just keeps YOU in the mix. you are reading a whole lot into things....whatever he does, is on him. and if you are so worried about this "just out of prison after 11 YEARS is actively using AND dangerous" then what's up with him being your best friend and all that??? sounds like you need new friends!!!

stay no contact. enforce YOUR side of no contact. get rid of MrApp or whatever. get rid of the phone. be truly done. no more drama.
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Old 08-12-2014, 03:03 PM
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He's trying to manipulate you! Don't bite. No matter what he does there is nothing you can say or do that will affect him. I'd head for Alanon where you'll see a lot of people nodding their heads. The point is to stop letting him live rent-free in your head.
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