christinastar10

Hello,

So once again XABF is accusing me of something but won't tell me. I'm sure it's another made up story about me. He told me not to play the victim. Whatever that is suppose to mean. XABF definitely knows how to push my buttoms. XABF family seems to be buying it as well. Definitely got the cold shoulder from them yesterday. I never realized how much his family enables him until now.

Definitely shouldn't be bothering me but it kinda is since i barely started talking to his family again from previous lies XABF made up. I use to want them to see my side but now it doesn't matter. I'm sure he made me look like a B again. Oh well I rather be a B then to have him walk all over me with lies so he can get what he wants.

I needed to release that energy from me. Thanks for listening.

dandylion

christina....I am so glad that you can "see" that!

Yeah, there is all kinds of crazy inside their hoola hoop.

dandylion

Pia

I second what Dandylion said. Drive away from the crazy train stay away..

Last I talked to my AH I told him I wanted him to be happy and to find someone that will take care of him the way he feels is best for him. That shut him up quick.

christinastar10

Radiant,

I had recently told XABF that I'm happy for him and his new GF (huge enabler) He just fired back with I only care about you but in my own way. This is not a relationship. I just need adult interaction and I don't even like going out to dinner. I just left it at that and ignored him.

hopeful4

Ignore is the key word. My XAH has told his family all sorts of crap about me. It was really hurtful as I truly loved those people. I realized that blood is thicker than water and they are enablers and codies who are going to stay entangled in that mess forever.

It took a while but I realize it's his family, not mine. I had to let them go, and that is ok.

Hugs.

ladyscribbler

My ex's family absolutely hated me right after I left, completely turned against me. Then they got a big six month long exposure to his unfiltered crazy drunken abuse. I wasn't there to pick up the pieces, so they saw what he was truly like. It was ugly. The more they enabled him the nastier he got. It culminated in him punching his mom and threatening to kill his dad one drunken night because they refused to give him his own way. He also found a new enabler girlfriend, who his mom now blames for everything. But hey, at least she's not mad at me anymore. Lol.
Hugs to you and AJ. Glad to hear you've been able to get access to the programs he needs.

hopeful4

Yup, I know just what you mean ladyscribbler. My X has a new girlfriend (same name as me, cute eh), and I almost feel sorry for her. She has NO IDEA what she is getting into. The family I am sure loves her. The thing is, they have experienced having to take care of him, so any other candidate who comes along they will support 100%. LOL....I am just happy for it not to be me anymore and to have gotten off that crazy train!

ladyscribbler

My ex moved in with his aunt (uncle's widow, he died of cirrhosis last year at Christmastime). Apparently they're an item now. Thankfully not blood related, though they share a last name. His mom told me all of this in a tearful phone call last month (since we're apparently besties now and auntie is the devil). I think I could have lived a long happy life without knowing, hopefully someone will invent brain bleach so I can get the image out of my head. And the crazy train just keeps on rolling.

hopeful4

O wow!!! Brain Bleach....bwaaahhh! Maybe we need to go into business and make this item, I am pretty sure there would be a good market for it right here at SR!

Fandy

THAT is just so creepy....about the auntie dynamic relationship.

closetcodie

What is it with A's blaming others for playing victim? My RAH said that to me on a daily basis. He also manipulates everyone, especially his family, into believing that I am the problem. His parents have both told me I am the reason he drinks (his first prison stint for alcohol related issues was 10 years prior to meeting me.) How can they not see how much BS is being blown their way?

hopeful4

It took me a long time to realize, they are manipulating their own minds. My XAH needs to blame me b/c he cannot handle the reality of blaming himself. The difference is, I know it and I don't care anymore. If he needs to blame me, that's ok. I know the truth, and the truth did set me free!

unsureoffuture

Christinastar at least you see the situation for what it really is. You know the truth and that is all that matters. I love the saying that you are not responsible for someone else's feelings. A's have to blame someone because they cant blame themselves or else that would be admitting it's a problem.

Keep taking care of you. You deserve better !

Timeiskey

The ex's family...sheesh, I know this one. Just recently cut ties with my ex's family. I am certain and have proof that I have been the topic of a conversation or two...who knows which is creating lies about me...I had to end the relationship with my ex's mom, because what she was saying to me began to only make it worse and I realized that moving on was being restricted by the relationship. She might be a lovely woman or she might be very damaged, but it doesn't really matter... what matters here is making room in my life to heal. I think, unless there is some real need, the family of the ex should be let go as well.

As for the blaming, yes, I was told a week ago that it was all my fault. He didn't do anything to me. The six day binge of monumental proportion that occurred when we were halfway across the world- when I had no where to really escape to- yeah, that wasn't done to me and even though I begged him to slow down for his sake and so that I might actually be able to sleep at night as well (since when he does pass out after heavy drinking, he thrashes and moans and snores in the most grotesque of fashions) yeah, that had nothing to do with me- no blame for him!... in fact, the only thing he did wrong was inviting me on that trip to begin with...oh wow, this is the first time that describing this story has made me chuckle! Yay, making some progress.

GracieLou

Next time he claims you play victim tell him he is the one carrying around the chalk!

Ignore it. I am going through the same thing only with my mother. She has most of my extended family against me since I asked her and then made her move out of my home.

I see their posts on FB and I just ignore them and you know why, because not one of them has the Gads to call me up or get in contact with me to know my side, not one.

If they can't take 5 minutes out of their lives then why do I give them 5 minutes in my head to think or anguish over it. I don't. Let them think what they want. Let them spin and gossip and all that jazz.

In the meantime I go about my day to day life with a smile on my face. I am happy and free! I can't change their minds anyway so why waste precious happy time trying?

hopeful4

And block the family (and him) on social media. It will make things easier in that aspect in case they try to engage you in that way.

I blocked my XAH and his family, it has brought me a lot of sanity. I just had a friend tell me last night she saw his post and am I ok? I laughed and said I don't know what he posted but I am sure just fine! I did not ask either. Not my deal.

Pia

Christinastar he just wants to be hurtful. If I have to talk to AH since he pops over I just start counting in my head when he is quacking. Once I hear any nonsense it's 1,2,3.4 lol once I counted up to a 1000. lol.
Other than that when he pops in I make him dig holes in my back yard or paint etc lol..

I rented a tiller and had him begin tilling up 1/2 an acre just for giggles haven't dealt with him since hahahah.

I want him to think everytime he comes to my house = manual labor hahahah

christinastar10

Hello,

Yes I'm sure everything is my fault in their eyes and that's ok. I know I did nothing wrong again. If me ignoring xabf makes me a B, oh well. I guess I'm a big B then. Lol As for social media, I created a new page and only my friends are added.

christinastar10

So these past two days XABF reaches out to me for a ride. His car is in the shop and he needs a ride here and there. I ignored both request. I thought to myself, why are you even asking me? Whatever he is going through I'm trying to stay far away as possible.

ladyscribbler

So you're the enemy...but only until he needs something. Good for you for seeing through his stuff. Smart woman. Let one of his enablers have the joy of chauffeuring him around. I bet if the situation were reversed he wouldn't lift a finger for you.