The immaturity is astounding
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Southwest
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The immaturity is astounding
So AH went off the deep end drinking during our camping trip a few days ago, and hasn't drank the last 3 days. Yesterday he turned on the sink and the hose splashed some water on his shirt. He proceeded to try to rip the hose out and when that didn't work, he slammed the thing down so hard, it broke my blender that was in the sink. He left for work, came home and started drinking. Only had 4 beers as he left them on the counter like a trophy and proceeded to hide various things of mine and the kids around the house. Kids DVDs in the cabinet, my entertainment book in with the cleaning supplies. The one that has infuriated me this morning was putting our son's diapers in the freezer. I think I might be at the end of my rope. I am calling and trying to get some moving van quotes and I am scared I won't have enough to leave as I have a house and family waiting for me, but it is cross country and I still have to double check if I can leave with the kids across states. But am I wrong to think this is ridiculous?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
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Check about your state laws. From my researching, if you are still married you can leave with children, but once any type of paperwork is filed, such as separation or divorce papers, you can not leave without permission of the courts. Check in your area, it varies. Good luck. I do think that their behaviors are often times immature, and have read that their maturity is stunted at the time they became addicted. I am not so sure that is true or not, but seems as when they are active in their addiction, it does become very immature. It is the disease. Hugs to you...
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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But am I wrong to think this is ridiculous?
He put your son's diapers in the freezer! No way are you wrong ((hugs)) My exah is stuck at 14 when he started drinking. It was been like being married to a teenager only he's 48.
He put your son's diapers in the freezer! No way are you wrong ((hugs)) My exah is stuck at 14 when he started drinking. It was been like being married to a teenager only he's 48.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Southwest
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Thank you. Sometimes I question if I am overreacting. Even after he woke up, he denied breaking my blender and still thinks putting the diapers in the freezer is hilarious. I feel like I am married to an immature child. Blows my mind.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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So far from what I read, where I live I can move my kids and take them out of state so long as I haven't filed any official paperwork. So it may be a flight then fight situation here coming up. I am just putting my ducks in a row.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
No you are definitely not over reacting his behaviour is ridiculous. A's become stuck at the age their addiction started and that prevents part of their brain from developing ie not understanding the consequences for behaviour, the I don't like being told what to do typical teenage.
Stay safe.
Stay safe.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
Comba, lots of hugs to you! I think part of the questioning of yourself comes from the depth of ties you have in this situation- kids, home, legal connection and a long journey to your destination. All of these things can make you question yourself, but what you have described here sounds like the real difficulty is what you are experiencing over and over again.
I have also heard that an alcoholic's maturity stalls at the age that they begin to drink. This is because once the alcohol becomes their crutch, there is no time/place/need to process mistakes, lessons, events to learn and grow. Therefore, as long as they are in active addiction, they are emotionally stunted...and the hard reality is that even when and if they decide to get clean, they must then learn and grow into emotional maturity, which can be a long road.
I have also heard that an alcoholic's maturity stalls at the age that they begin to drink. This is because once the alcohol becomes their crutch, there is no time/place/need to process mistakes, lessons, events to learn and grow. Therefore, as long as they are in active addiction, they are emotionally stunted...and the hard reality is that even when and if they decide to get clean, they must then learn and grow into emotional maturity, which can be a long road.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
The immaturity is astounding
.... and for those like my RAH, arrested development is still one of the BIGGEST challenges in recovery. This has got to be one of my Top 3 Frustrations with.... with what, idk? Recovery? Addiction? Patching up a marriage in recovery? All of the above?!?
I seriously cannot even guess at the number of times in the last 3 years that I have wanted to beat my head bloody against a wall because it's like dealing with a 15yr old boy living in a 40-yr old man's world & body. It really tests my patience & there are times when even RAH gets sooooo frustrated with his inability to see his immaturity until he's looking at it with hindsight.
He IS getting better with it, baby-step-wise. I had a big example of that shown to me last week (which was lucky as I was feeling particularly irritated with this issue), so I AM grateful for that progress.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Southwest
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It is difficult coming to the realization you are at a cross roads of sorts and know things aren't going to get any better. He is happy drinking and doesn't want that to change. I know I can't change him, so I am left with impossible choices that I have to make for my sake and that of my kiddos. Nothing like being between a rock and a hard place.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Oh, it thoroughly SUCKS. Inside & out. Every which possible way, no doubt.
When you really see the little control you have & really accept it, it won't feel like a rock & a hard place exactly any longer, I don't think. When you shift that expectation of control to other areas of your life that bring more positive results (whatever that means for each individual) then it's like that cold saying again, "You don't have problem so much as you have a solution you don't like."
When you really see the little control you have & really accept it, it won't feel like a rock & a hard place exactly any longer, I don't think. When you shift that expectation of control to other areas of your life that bring more positive results (whatever that means for each individual) then it's like that cold saying again, "You don't have problem so much as you have a solution you don't like."
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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I have three teenaged children at home right now and I can say, without a doubt, that my alcoholic mother and heavy drinking, totally enabling codie father are worse behaved than all three teens put together. I always tell people that my parents are my wayward teens.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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O sweetie just go. Hes obviously lost it. Whats he going to do, chase you down w a pack of frozen diapers!! Take all important documents and document everything with dates and times included. Photos if possible. Stay safe!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Possession is 9/10ths of the law. Just go and deal with the legal issues later. If he's anything like my husband, he won't even be able to get his poop together enough to get hire an attorney. (His poop, by the way, will probably be in the freezer, near the diapers.)
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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I find his behaviors disturbing, not just immature. who puts their baby's DIAPERS in the FREEZER??? that's just sick. you are dealing with a sick man who is moving into creepy almost torture type actions. couple that with his reaction to getting water splashed on him and his reactionary violent outburst i'd suggest you are in dangerous waters........
leaving for the safety of your dear self and your precious children is NOT an impossible choice, it's the WISE choice.
leaving for the safety of your dear self and your precious children is NOT an impossible choice, it's the WISE choice.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by Combakkid 
So AH went off the deep end drinking during our camping trip a few days ago, and hasn't drank the last 3 days. Yesterday he turned on the sink and the hose splashed some water on his shirt. He proceeded to try to rip the hose out and when that didn't work, he slammed the thing down so hard, it broke my blender that was in the sink. He left for work, came home and started drinking. Only had 4 beers as he left them on the counter like a trophy and proceeded to hide various things of mine and the kids around the house. Kids DVDs in the cabinet, my entertainment book in with the cleaning supplies. The one that has infuriated me this morning was putting our son's diapers in the freezer. I think I might be at the end of my rope. I am calling and trying to get some moving van quotes and I am scared I won't have enough to leave as I have a house and family waiting for me, but it is cross country and I still have to double check if I can leave with the kids across states. But am I wrong to think this is ridiculous?
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