help re boundary letter

Old 08-09-2014, 09:43 AM
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help re boundary letter

My husband is a periodical binge drnker. We have moved 6 months to a remote mtn location. He is a law enforcement officer. No al anon here. He went to my brothers last night and I am trying to set boundaries. I am presently recovering from severe asthma and respiratory infection.

*Fri night you went to M's. I appreciate the effort you helped with children before you left. I did not hear from you again. I got home at 1pm (had driven children to party) and it was obvious you were still effected by drink.i feel it was v unsafe driving home. I felt unsafe and whatever I said was picked out by you into a negative. 10 yr old dd observed you smelt bad. She was fearful seeing you push ds (2yrs) in toy car too fast. He was scared and started crying. She came to me crying and fearful of talking to you. Dd 2 (5 years) also came crying you were too rough and were fearful.

Over the afternoon you proceeded to repeat a number of hurtful things about my personality and the choice to move, putting the blame solely on myself. I was feeling sick, on medication and desperate to keep peace around the children. This could all have been said in a gentle
loving way any other time. This was heard by our eldest. You also made a number of aspirations on my mental health which were hurtful.

I know you have a long history of binging but I cant be subjected to this again.

I do not want to rush into moving our family. I was looking at all options. I am happy to wait and see what happens.

Dealing with this post binge abuse is not what I will put up with. The children and I should not be subjected to it. If it happens again I am staying up here - but looking at other options. Its not acceptable to me. *

Please help. Usually if I have a problem lately he will flat out just say I am wrong. He agreed last week to a counselor at least.
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Old 08-09-2014, 08:27 PM
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I think it is unclear. I'd axe all but the last paragraph. That makes it so short you can just say it. The rest is documentation for your journal. But more importantly what is the boundary? Are you safe "staying up here"? You are sick, so can you enforce a boundary with kids at this moment? Do you have help available?
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Old 08-10-2014, 04:47 PM
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boundaries are for you and the children...
unexceptable behaviour is that! Unexceptable...
start planning...

a letter? pppffftt, like he is really gonna listen to are dealing with an true A here, it only gets worse...

ummm wait? wait for what?

the 3c's
you didnt cause this
you cant control this
and there is NO cure...

the A needs to do all the work, if HE wants can not force someone too...

have you read CO DEPENDENCY NO MORE by Melody Beattie....this will help you alot...
save those kids! and the rest will come

god bless
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Old 08-10-2014, 11:11 PM
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From me, this boundary would sound more like this:

If you scare our children and/or disrespect me or insult me again, I will.....
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