Addmik19

I work as a policeman on the east side of oklahoma in a small town. There's a guy that lives here. A good man, very nice guy. He's always drunk. I've spoken to him many times. I'm a young officer (24) and hes in his early 50s. I'd like to help him but just can't. He told me it takes him 30 beers to get a buzz but he don't stop drinking then. I meet him every morning buying a tallboy of beer to start the morning. Now as a policeman I want to help this guy. He lives in a shack and works only for the beer he drinks. Is there anyone out there that had maybe been in his situation that could maybe help this guy? Thanks in advance

DoubleBarrel

Could you drive him to an AA meeting?

People there will know what resources are available in your area.

Has he indicated any desire to quit? If not, sorry to say, you are wasting your time.

Refiner

That's very admirable of you, Addmik. Unfortunately, there's very little you can do for him. Don't be surprised if he used to be very successful, have a wonderful family, etc. etc. but the disease (alcoholism) took him down and he didn't want to fight. It has to be up to the addict to WANT to become sober and WANT to help themselves. You could offer finding an AA group for him, but don't be offended if he goes off on you. Good luck.

Addmik19

Man I don't like to hear I'm wasting my time, though I know it's a hard reality to grasp. He told me he's been drinking for 40 years of his life. I don't believe AA would help this guy. He has nothing (that I know of). Was hoping I could find a way to bring him back from being hooked as bad as he is. He won't open up at all

Fly N Buy

Admirable you are trying to help him - shows a lot of compassion.

Really tough unless he is willing. You might ask him about family and if there is somebody around call an AA group close by. They can do a family visit and get some details about breaking through to him and at very least provide recommendations of support to themselves.

It's impossible to help someone who absolutely doesn't want it. Only possibility is arrest and jail for a few days to let him sober up some and get some from AA to visit him and see if there is a way........

Others here probably have better / more advice

Sungrl

Never underestimate the power of AA for some. Why do you believe that would not work? Not sure what kind of answer you are looking for. One thing for certain though he does have to want to quit.

Refiner

AKA forcing him to sobriety. That won't work either, I'm afraid.

Addmik19

I've been a cop for a couple years since 21. I've met a dozen people drunk. Something different about this guy. I drank heavy for 6 months but nowhere as heavy as this man. Bothers me I can't help him. Just know he's a good guy and I don't want to have to pick up his dead body and have to tell his family about it.

FireSprite

Has HE expressed a desire to quit?

Addmik19

He got thrown in jail a few days and had bad seizures. Any way to challenge him to weinie down?

Refiner

Addmik I encourage you to read up on the friends/family site (this one) and you'll see how powerful alcoholism is.

FireSprite

A forced detox like that to someone who drinks as heavily as you say could be extremely dangerous without medical supervision. Just FYI, please be careful in these situations.

Refiner

Maybe just be showing the compassion you do and let him know he has a friend is encouragement for him to "weinie down". That would be a good first step. Seizures from withdrawal... yikes.

Addmik19

Jail. I could have thrown him in a dozen times. Sorry it bothers me. Reminds me of the old song Curtis Lowe by Lynard Skynard. Force won't win this fight. Anything I can use to maybe get him to have the will power to quit or weine himself down. I became a cop to help people and that's what I aim to do. Any help appriciated

desypete

sadly its true if he doesn't want help there is nothing you can do

although there is an amazing story i heard in aa from a member that was on the streets during his drinking Carrier and was approached by an aa member who made a deal with him to kept giving him drinks so long as he came to aa with him he would give him a bottle of booze or a pack of cans etc.
the guy agreed to this and went along to aa
the guy 12stepping him started to cut down how many drinks he would give the guy from a bottle to half a bottle or just 1 pack of cans until the guy no longer wanted a drink to go to aa : )

the guy sat doing the main chair who had been sober for 40 years was the guy who was fed the drinks to get him to aa

i only wish i could of met the guy who 12th stepped him as that was some 12th step work and what a result i will never forget that story ever as its been one of the most powerful shares i have ever heard in aa

the guy is over 40 years sober now just amazing

so maybe there might be hope for your friend after all ?

SparkleKitty

I admire your compassion and desire to help, and I appreciate any police officer who is coming from such a generous place. Those qualities will serve you well when you are trying to help people who want to be helped.

A lot of us here have spent many years trying to find a way to 'help' our friends, our spouses, our significant others, our parents, our children find their way free of addiction. Some of us are engaged in that battle right now. One thing we've all learned or are learning is that every human being has the right to live and die in the manner of their own choosing, regardless of what we want for them or believe is best for them.

The best we can do for others, the most dignity we can offer them, is to accept them exactly as they are and make our own choices accordingly. I had to leave my ex-boyfriend because I couldn't make him want to recover. And I have to love my sober-but-not-recovering alcoholic mother from a distance in order to resist my own efforts to try to change her. If either of them ever decided they really wanted help they know who to ask, but whether that ever happens is out of my control.

I wish you strength and courage in accepting this man and as his choices for what they are. Thank you for posting here.

Addmik19

I personally drank heavy for 6 months but just stopped and had no problems. Never went to AA. How do I find AA?

Addmik19

I don't believe even his family or anyone have tried to help this man. Never been married and no kids. Most of his family are dead

Addmik19

Anyone?

desypete

have you spoken to him about giving up drink ?

if he is a daily drinker then he should really go to his doctor for checks before he just tries to give it up cold turkey
he might need medications to ease him off the drink

you could always offer to go to an aa meeting with him even if there closed meetings they will normaly ask if anyone has any objections to you being prestent and i have never heard of any meeting objecting to a friend or family memeber being present for support

so there are a few things you could try