I pulled the whistle on the crazy train
 

Not only did I get back on today I pulled the whistle.

AH stopped by wanting to work things out, swore up and down he is changing. I kept kept my emotional distance until....

He said something that I knew was a lie and I lost it. Not only did I have the first class ticket on the train I blew the whistle. I couldn't control myself. I went on and on and on knowing good and well it doesn't matter what I say he's an active addict.

I haven't had a blow out like this in months. I am so emotional drained and exhausted my brain started to go back into instant depression.

I finally got my barrings back retrained my brained and put into practice what I wanted for me and told him to leave and never come back.

I am trying to figure out how this even happened. :gaah

Maybe things have been to peaceful and too happy for me? Maybe I was subconsciously missing the excitement. I want off the train :cries3:

maybe that is exactly what needed to happen........

Your right AnvilheadII this needed to happen. thank you.

It's okay to get angry and lose it sometimes. You're only human, and obviously you needed to get some stuff out. Hope you feel better soon.

I got up went to grab something to eat and began cleaning my house . As the minutes go by I am feeling better.

I can look back now and see how far I have come. I use to lay in bed all day crying and pondering WHY WHY WHY. Not once did he care to emotionally take care of me, to help pick me up.

I picked myself up and will keep going. The thought of being back together makes me sick to think of. I like thinking of just me and not what he wants and catering to his needs.

It will be 8 months since he has been out the house and I am glad I have SR friends to help me through this journey.

I understand the experience completely drained you but on a positive note well done for not listening to his BS and saying what you needed to say. Big hugs

He has been getting in your space over and over.
Anybody would get angry dealing with his lies and lack of respect for your boundary.

Hugs

Radiant, I was honestly sitting here in tears crying over terrible day, fight with RAH and I just read the first line of your post and I laughed and it was wonderful and unexpected to smile! ( Sure I look a little insane doing the laugh/cry thing but that's okay at least I'm not in public this time.) Boy howdy, while you were ringing the whistle I was already settled in my seat having snack time. I was on the train all day but thank you all for helping me get off and smile. Often times it's the little things!!!!

Thank you everyone. Its amazing the things we put up with isn't it??

How often we cry, laugh and then realize the truth was in front of us along we just couldn't see it for what it truly is.

We all get to different points in our recovery at different times, some faster than others but we will get there in the end if we keep progressing.

Sometimes someone will write something that doesn't apply to me in my situation at that particular time in my life and then down the road it will come to mind right at the right time. How grateful I am to everyone.

I was talking to my gfriend about what happened recently and we got on the subject of how fast he has gone down hill.

AH told me he wants me back, I explained how I was emotionally drained his response was I will go clean the back yard so your not emotionally drained. I was speachless.:headbange