Dojang

I can't find it. A woman in NYC was posting about her boyfriend. She moved there to be with him & he relapsed. She's been with him on & off for 5 years. I need to find the post or her user name so I can thank her. Something she said really helped me.

BBTaco

Hi! It's me! I'm so glad I helped...what was it that helped? I wanna know as I'm still struggling.

I haven't heard from him, but I am doing so much better regardless. Big hugs to you, and thank you so much xoxo

The post link is below:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...doned-him.html

Dojang

Hi BBTaco. I have been thinking about you all day. I am in your shoes, struggling to end my toxic relationship. You mentioned a book "Women Who Love Too Much". I had never heard of it before. I got it on my Kindle last night & I swear, it was written about me. It has been so helpful. I just wanted to thank you for mentioning this book. It was like a light bulb went off when I started reading it & I'm recognizing the patterns of all of my past relationships. Thank you for your post. It gave me strength. I hope you are finding the same strength in your life & recovery process. Big hug!!

Dojang

And I know it's hard not hearing from him. I hope you are staying busy & focusing on yourself. You deserve that.

BBTaco

Yes! That book is so good. I felt the same way. I am halfway through it now. Wow, such a wakeup call. I found the strength to block him on my phone, but I was still unblocking it the next day, so I changed my number. Now I can take the time to get myself strong again, rebuild my wrecked self esteem and decide when I want to reach out to HIM instead of the other way around. My abandonment issues are strong! It has helped so much. It was Dandylion on this forum who mentioned it to me, so big props to her for that!!!

I am so sorry for what you are going through. All I know is that it gets better each day. I have had fewer and fewer nights of crying myself to sleep, and that in itself is such a big relief.

I am going back now and reading your posts...seriously, I could've written the same things myself!

Dojang

It's embarrassing how much I put up with. And the worst part is I have a 10 year old daughter. Luckily she is with her dad 50% of the time so I was able to shield her from most of his behavior. I blocked him too, but we work in the same building, so I can't avoid him during work hours.
I also went back and forth with blocking his number. It's so hard to let go. I can completely relate to the crushed self esteem. But I think I have finally reached the point where I don't want to live like this anymore. I am going to keep reading the book, I'm in counseling & going to Al Anon. Clearly you are a strong person to up & move to NYC, so you can find the strength to get through this. And you are in a great city, with tons to do to keep you busy. Please keep me posted on how you are doing. And thank you again for the book. It turned my thinking around. XOXO

BBTaco

I know exactly...I'm totally embarrassed too. We have so many mutual friends, and they think we are both insane that this is our "norm". Thanks for the support, I am not going to let him ruin my life in this city, I try to make the most of it every day.
Please keep me posted as well! You can PM me any time, and I'll do the same! We have a lot of strength to even be on here to help ourselves...a year ago, I would've just been sad sad sad and blowing up his phone, acting crazy, etc! I have zero desire for that right now haha.
Stay in touch xoxoxo!

Mango blast

Many good wishes and prayers for both of you. I'm finding that Awareness is such a huge important step. With awareness, healing can start in many different ways. Awareness, Acceptance, Action. No need to rush any of them. As we work our recovery, those things come. BBTaco, thanks for posting that book, and Lauren, thanks for this thread since I missed the original.