DoubleBarrel

Your AH is going to face consequences for his continued drinking and refusal to try and get well.
You looking out for another persons well being and their children is more important than walking on eggshells and enabling him to bring his train wreck into their lives.

You did the right thing. Was it really your business? Perhaps not. Oh well. He was being manipulative and lying to a supposed friend about his situation. That's his problem. I wouldn't worry about it one bit.

jarp

Great thanks so much everyone.

To be honest I think there was a bit of anger in there...i feel like I am being scapegoated for AH's problems...and this is something I know I need to let go. Bluechair...you are right....I'll examine this during the week further. I know I can't be perfect but I wan to at least learn if I am making mistakes.

On reflection I think I did ok...I didn't disparage my AH to the friend, or share our 'relationship' issues. Just told him few basic facts about H's state of health and where is at with his alcoholism. The friend said he had concerns even as the invitation came out of his mouth as he knows that AH can be pretty 'inappropriate' when drinking and he said it flashed into his head immediately.

He had no idea things were this bad... He also said he's pretty niave about this stuff and did think to himself - why are you drinking if you've just come out of detox.

Anyway I've filled him in and he can make an informed decision one way or the other...and I think I didn't do too badly as the thought that AH will stay there doesn't bother me one way or the other...from the pov of what's happening with SH.

Thanks everyone for the feedback, much appreciated.

Bullfrog

Frankly, from my experience, you can't expect an A to hold to any promises, whether they are just said to you or in from of a counselor.

Once he is out of the house, your head will clear a bit more about your motivations and decisions. I would cut yourself some slack. Dealing with an A is a muddled confusing place to be.

LightInside

Something my sponsor once said to me was that we can do the same action for the "right" or "wrong" reasons. I really had to look at my motivations/intent/reasons to take my son's father to court for supervised visits. I will admit that I have and had feelings of resentment, anger, vengeance. It is not my style to act on those feelings. I know better. I also know that I can heal my broken heart without "getting revenge" or "punishing" X. In the end, I knew that the right/best thing was to protect my child. So, protect him I did. X and his enablers don't believe my motives. That hurts, but the whole damn enchilada hurts, so there you go. I think it is very worthy to examine our motives. I still go back to what my sponsor said, every time.

jarp

It's ok I didn't take the post negatively....it's what I was reflecting on.

And how will I feel when others take him in was a good question, because as long as there are not kids involved, I'd actually prefer he was with others. His family are refusing any support whilst he's drinking and most friends are aware of the bigger issue so they'd be taking him on with knowledge.

The friend let me know he'd decided to move back to a hotel anyway and he was pleased as he didn't want to rescind his offer... But had decided to, partly based on AHs behaviour last night and partly bc of what I'd said.

I appreciate everyone's support!

jarp

Thanks lightinside.....I'll think more about that......it's an interesting take on actions....

NWGRITS

When there are children involved, I don't think anything is overstepping. Speaking as an ACoA. It's akin to taking the keys when you know they're intending to drive drunk.

DesertEyes

Enough people. Disregarding the original poster and getting in each other's face is not allowed. If you are going to post then only address the original poster. Before this turns into name calling I have removed some posts and closed the thread.

Mike
Moderator, SR