Relapse going strong.
 

My BF will either go back to inpatient rehab or pack up his things and be on the street in a few days. He has no money so cannot get an apartment or a room or anything. I cried a little last night, but I've resigned myself to the fact there's nothing I can do. Hopefully his therapist can see him today and reinforce the idea of going back to rehab. Last night I asked him if he really wanted to go back to the drinking life and he said, "It's all I know." He was drunk so I hope he sees things differently in the sober light of day. Regardless of whether he chooses rehab or leaving our relationship is over.

I'm doing fine and am relieved that this will soon be over. I know there's nothing more I can do. It just breaks my heart that regardless of the strides he's made and all the work he's put in to furthering his art career, nothing has changed the self-loathing he feels. I know what that's like, and it sucks. He's an alcoholic but that does not make him a bad person. He is gentle and kind and funny and talented. He just has a problem that is ruining his life, and I won't let it ruin mine.

I have empathy for him but I cannot do this anymore. He's an adult and if he chooses to drink that's his right. I'm sure I will be more upset when he leaves but right now I am okay. Just kind of numb.

Thank you for listening.

I am SO sorry, friend. I can feel your heart breaking in your post. (((((((((HUGS))))))))))

I know it is NOT at ALL easy to enforce this boundary, but that you have tried every healthy way possible to help avoid this outcome. I am really proud of you for putting YOU FIRST.

:grouphug:

RB, I'm so sorry. We're here. Big hugs.

RB, I have been worried about you. I am so sorry. I know that sort of pain, it is horrible. You have done all you can to encourage him. I am proud of you for keeping your own boundaries. Stay strong, hopefully he will choose rehab and learn other techniques to get through his pain.

My X is an artist (on the side) and he suffers from depression. It's always been a trigger for him, and I imagine always will be because he refuses to see his life in any other way. You are doing what you can, which is to put your focus on your own healing and choices.

We are always here for you. PM me anytime you need a buddy my dear friend. I am sorry you are hurting. You are both in my prayers.

Tight, tight, hugs.

I'm so sorry he's made these choices RB. It just sucks. :-(

Hugs

I feel your pain and I am so sorry :(
Putting on the oxygen mask first and enforcing boundaries with people we love can be really painful. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. All I know is that it hurts like a b.tch but in the long term, it is better for us
You know you can pm me anytime or go on chat when I am around.

http://auto.img.v4.skyrock.net/1955/...7_JhoHu9a3.jpg

Thank you all so much. He has an appointment with the therapist at 1:00. We'll see what happens.

Whatever does happen, you have given it your all. You have supported him in every way. It's sort of like with kids. You spend years teaching them morals and values. At some point, you have to turn them loose and hope they apply what they have learned in their own lives. They will stumble and flounder some, but in the end you can only hope and pray they make the right choices.

Hugs my dear friend.

These are hard times and setting and keeping boundaries can be difficult.
Good for you for taking care of you.

Edit: I remember the numb feeling. It actually helped me lumber through time and sometimes getting through the next 30 minutes, 1 hour, 1 day, week was all I could see. Being numb helped me not react to the hogwash that sometimes follows.

take as many steps as you can while you are numb. That worked out well for me. I accomplished alot numb that I might have otherwise talked myself out of.

thinking of you...

((((hugs))))

I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but there is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how small and faint it seems today.

You are on the path of getting stronger.

Your friend and one who has been there.

I'm sorry, RB. You sound like you are able to think straight through the heartbreak, though, and that is one light in the darkness. A pretty important and strong one. (((hugs)))

I'm so sorry, ReaderBaby. Sending you huge hugs right now.

Sad news RB. Hugs.

How did his therapist appoint go today?

Sending you some extra (((strength)))) tonight RB; I hope you are hanging in there & getting the support that YOU need right now. :hug:

RB, I'm just so sorry things have turned out as they have. You've shown a lot of strength and wisdom in your actions, no matter how much pain you've been in. You've grown and learned a lot. I hope you continue to see things so clearly, to act in the best way you know how, and most of all I hope you find some peace.

Thinking of you. ((((hugs))))

I'm so sorry it's come to this, RB. (((Hugs)))

He doesn't want to go back to rehab. In therapy he said he wants to start acting like an adult and get his sh!t together. He's doing 90 in 90 and buckling down and really working the program. (this is what he said, I will believe it when I see it). He has two weeks to find a place to live. We made a written agreement that if he drinks or doesn't come home during this time he's out immediately. I can live with that. Honestly I would feel much worse if I kicked him out today and he ended up homeless.