What does it look like on the other side of the fence?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by iamthird 
Do not focus on all the pain that had been caused because it will overwhelm you. Find recovery and work it because it is the healthy thing to do. You cannot do it for your loved ones. You have to do it for yourself. The biggest gift we can give ourselves is being accountable for our own behavior.
The other day I was in a doctors office waiting to find out if I had a potential recurrence of a potentially fatal disease. This is a HUGE drinking trigger for me. I had a picture of our daughter in my wallet. I pulled that out and looked at her and thought "I'm scared out of my mind. I want to escape but is losing her worth it??" It wasn't and I kept my sobriety date. For some people losing families if we relapse isn't enough and I accept that and don't disparage them. We each have our own tipping point that pushes us into recovery.
For me I'm trying to find a place of peace in my own mind. I'm seeing a new therapist today that specialized in treating trauma. I am attending various types of recovery meetings and am gradually finding a "fit." For me so long as I keep not drinking and know in my heart that I am doing my part on trying to recover and dig deeply into what I was trying to numb than in time I need to know that I"m doing all that I can do. We will in time have to come to peace with ourselves. I'm not there yet. I'm trying. Keep on keep on.
Peace
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I have had so many thoughts about this thread since yesterday, but keep getting caught up in reading all of these great replies & end up scrambling my own response (if that makes sense?). 
Lots of food for thought here, thanks all for a very respectful thread that could have blown up.
Lots of food for thought here, thanks all for a very respectful thread that could have blown up. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by cookiesncream
Fair statements but easier said than done. The overwhelming aspects of the impact of addictions simply for me cannot be put aside. Maybe I'll get better on that front but at the moment that's where I'm at. There's more than one alcoholic out there I've met that is staying sober because what is at stake is losing their family. Quite frankly that is my #1 motivation.
The other day I was in a doctors office waiting to find out if I had a potential recurrence of a potentially fatal disease. This is a HUGE drinking trigger for me. I had a picture of our daughter in my wallet. I pulled that out and looked at her and thought "I'm scared out of my mind. I want to escape but is losing her worth it??" It wasn't and I kept my sobriety date. For some people losing families if we relapse isn't enough and I accept that and don't disparage them. We each have our own tipping point that pushes us into recovery.
For me I'm trying to find a place of peace in my own mind. I'm seeing a new therapist today that specialized in treating trauma. I am attending various types of recovery meetings and am gradually finding a "fit." For me so long as I keep not drinking and know in my heart that I am doing my part on trying to recover and dig deeply into what I was trying to numb than in time I need to know that I"m doing all that I can do. We will in time have to come to peace with ourselves. I'm not there yet. I'm trying. Keep on keep on.
Peace
The other day I was in a doctors office waiting to find out if I had a potential recurrence of a potentially fatal disease. This is a HUGE drinking trigger for me. I had a picture of our daughter in my wallet. I pulled that out and looked at her and thought "I'm scared out of my mind. I want to escape but is losing her worth it??" It wasn't and I kept my sobriety date. For some people losing families if we relapse isn't enough and I accept that and don't disparage them. We each have our own tipping point that pushes us into recovery.
For me I'm trying to find a place of peace in my own mind. I'm seeing a new therapist today that specialized in treating trauma. I am attending various types of recovery meetings and am gradually finding a "fit." For me so long as I keep not drinking and know in my heart that I am doing my part on trying to recover and dig deeply into what I was trying to numb than in time I need to know that I"m doing all that I can do. We will in time have to come to peace with ourselves. I'm not there yet. I'm trying. Keep on keep on.
Peace
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Originally Posted by cookiesncream
The other day I was in a doctors office waiting to find out if I had a potential recurrence of a potentially fatal disease. This is a HUGE drinking trigger for me. I had a picture of our daughter in my wallet. I pulled that out and looked at her and thought "I'm scared out of my mind. I want to escape but is losing her worth it??" It wasn't and I kept my sobriety date. Peace
Hugs!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by iamthird
I think maybe I should have elaborated. I try to keep things simple. My separated AH was sober and in recovery for 2 years. Our whole family went through it with him attending an intensive outpatient program and he would always say he was doing it for me and for our family. Sadly, I don't think it ever lasted because it is not something he wanted for himself.
Somebody else asked about the test results. They were inconclusive. They saw a couple of weird spots on the CT scan they think are nothing but will continue to keep a watch and wait approach. Still scares me silly. Last time though I wound up in surgery to have what turned out to be benign and promptly checked myself into rehab days after surgery after drinking to numb fear for too long had turned into alcoholism. This time I white knuckled my way through that appointment, got home still exhausted because "inconclusive" gave me no peace of mind. This time though I held onto a picture of my daughter's baby picture, did NOT drink, and saw a new therapist that specializes in treating trauma and attended an AA alternative meeting last night. Slowly I'm making my way to greener pastures.
Sorry to have hijacked this thread AGAIN. Peoples suggestions to attend an Al Anon meeting in person are very good. Will need to find one that doesn't conflict with hubbies meetings. I've been told that those might be useful for me, even though I'm an AW, to deal with my own stresses of uncertainty, fear.
Thanks to all of you family members that tolerate so much from us. Each story I read of yours makes me cry. Thanks to for the kindness you have shown in this thread.
May peace ultimately find you and yours.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
MHH, I just want to find you and HUG YOU!!!
First, thanks so much for your question and your true concern for your part within your addiction. I just think it is great that you are clean, what 15 days now, and that you are concerned about the things you have done in the past.
My AH is a meth addict and alcoholic. We have been married for 9 years. I have been diagnosed, as many others in the F&F forum, with PTSD. In March, I almost committed suicide. The last year has been the worst for me, for us. My kids and I live with my mom now. I still see my AH regularly, but I am very guarded and afraid sometimes because I never know who I m dealing with. Nine years of hell, but I love the man. Lol, weird. Anyway, my biggest problem is letting go of the past. I carry it like a badge. I have so much I need to do for me, just to get me better. Although, I must admit, I pray for his sobriety daily and wish he would just "fix" everything and we could live happily ever after, that is not going to be the reality.
Praying for you, and your sobriety! !
First, thanks so much for your question and your true concern for your part within your addiction. I just think it is great that you are clean, what 15 days now, and that you are concerned about the things you have done in the past.
My AH is a meth addict and alcoholic. We have been married for 9 years. I have been diagnosed, as many others in the F&F forum, with PTSD. In March, I almost committed suicide. The last year has been the worst for me, for us. My kids and I live with my mom now. I still see my AH regularly, but I am very guarded and afraid sometimes because I never know who I m dealing with. Nine years of hell, but I love the man. Lol, weird. Anyway, my biggest problem is letting go of the past. I carry it like a badge. I have so much I need to do for me, just to get me better. Although, I must admit, I pray for his sobriety daily and wish he would just "fix" everything and we could live happily ever after, that is not going to be the reality.
Praying for you, and your sobriety! !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: I travel
Posts: 43
To everyone that has replied to this thread, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
To put your heart and story on here to allow everyone to read, I can't put to words how grateful I am for this thread.
I couldn't imagine the pain that you are going through or have been through. I pray for each and everyone of you to find peace in all the pain.
Once again, thank you so much everyone. This has impacted me in a moving and positive way.
Much much much love to you all.
To put your heart and story on here to allow everyone to read, I can't put to words how grateful I am for this thread.
I couldn't imagine the pain that you are going through or have been through. I pray for each and everyone of you to find peace in all the pain.
Once again, thank you so much everyone. This has impacted me in a moving and positive way.
Much much much love to you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 273
I just wanted to add a note here that l attended an Al-Anon meeting last night with my s/o. It was a good experience and one I highly suggest for any of those of us from the addict side. It will give you a perspective on things differently than mere words on a forum will. You will see faces, you'll see the tears, but you will also see genuine love in ways than reading forums simply cannot replace. I understand why my s/o has decided this is his home group. I was the last person called upon and I shared that I was "the lurker" and sheepishly admitted I was the "A." As much crap as families go through I was welcomed and as it was my own six month sobriety day I received praise but I also felt remorse for all that any addict inflicts on a family.
As others have said... I think going to an Al Anon meeting to truly understand the other side, this side, on some level is invaluable and should be required by all alcoholics in a way.
Peace to all of you.
As others have said... I think going to an Al Anon meeting to truly understand the other side, this side, on some level is invaluable and should be required by all alcoholics in a way.
Peace to all of you.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
First off, let me commend you on your sobriety. I know it's hard work. I hope you and your family find much healing and love in the future.
What does it look like? From a general perspective, I have a lot of compassion for alcoholics and addicts. I see the hell that addiction can be for them and how my AH in particular struggles.
Putting my current situation under a microscope though, I have a different view. It's a combination of so many swirling emotions and thought processes, anger, frustration, compassion, fear, hatred, hope, distrust, and defeat. It can be very draining and confusing for us. We want so much for our A's to become healthy and functional. But so many times we are disappointed, ruined holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. Rarely and apology or any real sign of remorse. A collection of little things that scar a relationship a little at a time.
Feeling like if I try just a little harder it will make a difference, surely he'll understand and get help, but he doesn't.
It's a loss of trust with someone you once trusted implicitly never knowing if you're being lied to, never knowing if you can count on someone to do what he says he will from small mundane things like taking out the trash, to being faithful. Loss of trust is one of the most damaging things.
It's painful for us. You hate them and love them all at once. The disease creeps up a little at a time until suddenly you realize what a sh!t storm your life has become and you are now the person you said you'd never be. Loss of self esteem comes with this and a sense of hopelessness and a sadness for the loss of precious time wasted trying to fix a problem you never knew wasn't yours to fix in the first place.
I could continue for pages, but I think you probably get the point.
Thank you myhollowhell for asking this question. I think I needed to write this all out and see it for what it is. I'm going to go have a good cathartic cry now and will feel much better when I'm done.
Again, I wish you and yours all the best.
What does it look like? From a general perspective, I have a lot of compassion for alcoholics and addicts. I see the hell that addiction can be for them and how my AH in particular struggles.
Putting my current situation under a microscope though, I have a different view. It's a combination of so many swirling emotions and thought processes, anger, frustration, compassion, fear, hatred, hope, distrust, and defeat. It can be very draining and confusing for us. We want so much for our A's to become healthy and functional. But so many times we are disappointed, ruined holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. Rarely and apology or any real sign of remorse. A collection of little things that scar a relationship a little at a time.
Feeling like if I try just a little harder it will make a difference, surely he'll understand and get help, but he doesn't.
It's a loss of trust with someone you once trusted implicitly never knowing if you're being lied to, never knowing if you can count on someone to do what he says he will from small mundane things like taking out the trash, to being faithful. Loss of trust is one of the most damaging things.
It's painful for us. You hate them and love them all at once. The disease creeps up a little at a time until suddenly you realize what a sh!t storm your life has become and you are now the person you said you'd never be. Loss of self esteem comes with this and a sense of hopelessness and a sadness for the loss of precious time wasted trying to fix a problem you never knew wasn't yours to fix in the first place.
I could continue for pages, but I think you probably get the point.
Thank you myhollowhell for asking this question. I think I needed to write this all out and see it for what it is. I'm going to go have a good cathartic cry now and will feel much better when I'm done.
Again, I wish you and yours all the best.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
This thread stuck in my head last night, all night at work, along with the thread of let me fall. It was a hard night. I kept going in my head, all night, how to put this in words, and I still have no idea how to.
From this side, *I think... holy crud... how did I get on this side*... and so the thought processes begin.
How does it feel? How do I feel? Then the tears begin. My heart starts to race. My chin starts to quiver. Even with reading and studying, and trying to improve myself and make myself a priority... my needs... it feels like crud.
I go through moments, where I am so angry at him. I go through moment where I am so sad for him. I go through moments where I am so angry with myself. I go through moments I am sad for myself. Every moment is sad for his son.
I can never trust that we were really ever who we were as a couple. I don't know if those were lies coming from his mouth too. Every nice comment, every time he held my hand. Was the man that I opened up to about my life and my hurts, was he ever a man that cared as he had seemed to. When I had a bad moment... or he wanted to feel close to me, when he pulled me in and kissed my forehead, and said, it is going to be ok.... is that the man that I fell in love with, or was that a figment of my imagination? When we would laugh and laugh... or we would lay in bed and simply cry when talking about hurts... was that him? I HAVE NO IDEA! The man that said he wanted to put his son first... yet can't drive a half hour across town to get him on a Wednesday night a stipulated in his divorce papers for visitation, but states it takes too much time and costs too much gas, and he would need to get up earlier to leave for work the next day? The stories, the statements, they are so misleading and you don't know what is true and what isn't. It is like a mirage. It seems real, but it quickly dissipates as we get closer, just an illusion.
I am so p.o'ed. I am mad.... I am so mad, yet, I am wise enough to know that is from the confusion and from the hurt. I am mad that marijuana and pot are more important to him in life than anyone or anything in life. As long as he has those things, he has his band, his drinking buddies that see no addiction in him as they have their own and that would make them question themselves. I am mad that every event, a dinner with friends at the house, meeting friends for dinner, us going to dinner, when he plays, when he records, when he gets home from work, when he watches tv or builds the deck on his house... they all call for a drink. I am mad that as soon as he gets home he scrambles to go get high before anything else, and will continue at least two more times before he goes to bed at night. I am mad that when he was not drinking he told me that when he had used alcohol, his personality or stature never shifted. HOLY HELL are you kidding me that I was so trusting of him that I believed it? I get so MAD AT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I am a wise woman, yet in this, I feel so naïve. I feel like I was so mislead. When he would call before bed and was slurring his words, I would pray, God, please let him have called his son after he started drinking. Please don't let his son witness it. I am mad that he needs it so bad, that though he won't drink when his son is there, he runs to the garage to smoke pot. I am mad that almost every photo we have, he is high. I am mad that since he started drinking again... a lot of the remaining photos he has been drinking or has a drink in his hand.
I am a firm believer that when someone is being unlovable, that is when they need the most love... yet, that is ultimately what had him push me away. I know that his addictions were his first love.
The amount of worry put into if he was/is, going to get home safe after a night of playing with his band. Is he taking care of himself?
I then go through things he has said, his hurts. I know his thought processes. I know the guilt and anger he has that I am sure is an affliction of his addiction, yet he portrays those and rewrites those choices, the disease, upon other people, and they are people that loved him. People that had to walk away to save themselves, but I was again too naïve to see that as I trusted his words.
I am so afraid, literally fearful of ever getting close to another man, or trusting another man again. Seriously! I am. I believed him. I trusted him. He threw it all away for his addictions, and that is extremely the biggest pill I have to swallow. It makes us feel somewhat raw, and worthless, yet I know in my heart I am worth it. I am worthy. I want to trust my worthiness.
I am still in love with, and love him as a man. I am trying to get to the stage that this is the disease and not the man I love so much. I am trying to disconnect emotionally. That scares me too, that if I ever do find love again, how do I ever connect with that person when I am teaching myself to disengage or become unattached.
I miss him. I miss him so much. Not the verbally and emotional abuser that he became and not the passive aggressive man that would just not talk to me in days when he got mad at me... but the man that I met...
I pray for him. I pray every day at least ten times a day for him. I pray for his sanity. I pray he doesn't drink and drive. I pray for his peace of mind and his happiness. I pray that he starts filling his bucket with positive people in his life and I pray he breaks through the chains that bind him into a hell here on earth. I pray for his courage to get the help he needs. This is not something I can do for him.
It is a hard thing to do, to love someone with addictions. We all have a story. All of them have highs and lows. I now need to concentrate on how I get myself strong again, and not just band aid them up but face heartache in a healthy and meaningful way so I am whole again. This is not woe is me. I am the one that got myself into this situation and only I can work on it for my own health and happiness.
I am worth it, just as much as he is worth it.
Blessings for all who are addicted. Blessings to all of us that love them as each of us try to make healthier live for ourselves.
From this side, *I think... holy crud... how did I get on this side*... and so the thought processes begin.
How does it feel? How do I feel? Then the tears begin. My heart starts to race. My chin starts to quiver. Even with reading and studying, and trying to improve myself and make myself a priority... my needs... it feels like crud.
I go through moments, where I am so angry at him. I go through moment where I am so sad for him. I go through moments where I am so angry with myself. I go through moments I am sad for myself. Every moment is sad for his son.
I can never trust that we were really ever who we were as a couple. I don't know if those were lies coming from his mouth too. Every nice comment, every time he held my hand. Was the man that I opened up to about my life and my hurts, was he ever a man that cared as he had seemed to. When I had a bad moment... or he wanted to feel close to me, when he pulled me in and kissed my forehead, and said, it is going to be ok.... is that the man that I fell in love with, or was that a figment of my imagination? When we would laugh and laugh... or we would lay in bed and simply cry when talking about hurts... was that him? I HAVE NO IDEA! The man that said he wanted to put his son first... yet can't drive a half hour across town to get him on a Wednesday night a stipulated in his divorce papers for visitation, but states it takes too much time and costs too much gas, and he would need to get up earlier to leave for work the next day? The stories, the statements, they are so misleading and you don't know what is true and what isn't. It is like a mirage. It seems real, but it quickly dissipates as we get closer, just an illusion.
I am so p.o'ed. I am mad.... I am so mad, yet, I am wise enough to know that is from the confusion and from the hurt. I am mad that marijuana and pot are more important to him in life than anyone or anything in life. As long as he has those things, he has his band, his drinking buddies that see no addiction in him as they have their own and that would make them question themselves. I am mad that every event, a dinner with friends at the house, meeting friends for dinner, us going to dinner, when he plays, when he records, when he gets home from work, when he watches tv or builds the deck on his house... they all call for a drink. I am mad that as soon as he gets home he scrambles to go get high before anything else, and will continue at least two more times before he goes to bed at night. I am mad that when he was not drinking he told me that when he had used alcohol, his personality or stature never shifted. HOLY HELL are you kidding me that I was so trusting of him that I believed it? I get so MAD AT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I am a wise woman, yet in this, I feel so naïve. I feel like I was so mislead. When he would call before bed and was slurring his words, I would pray, God, please let him have called his son after he started drinking. Please don't let his son witness it. I am mad that he needs it so bad, that though he won't drink when his son is there, he runs to the garage to smoke pot. I am mad that almost every photo we have, he is high. I am mad that since he started drinking again... a lot of the remaining photos he has been drinking or has a drink in his hand.
I am a firm believer that when someone is being unlovable, that is when they need the most love... yet, that is ultimately what had him push me away. I know that his addictions were his first love.
The amount of worry put into if he was/is, going to get home safe after a night of playing with his band. Is he taking care of himself?
I then go through things he has said, his hurts. I know his thought processes. I know the guilt and anger he has that I am sure is an affliction of his addiction, yet he portrays those and rewrites those choices, the disease, upon other people, and they are people that loved him. People that had to walk away to save themselves, but I was again too naïve to see that as I trusted his words.
I am so afraid, literally fearful of ever getting close to another man, or trusting another man again. Seriously! I am. I believed him. I trusted him. He threw it all away for his addictions, and that is extremely the biggest pill I have to swallow. It makes us feel somewhat raw, and worthless, yet I know in my heart I am worth it. I am worthy. I want to trust my worthiness.
I am still in love with, and love him as a man. I am trying to get to the stage that this is the disease and not the man I love so much. I am trying to disconnect emotionally. That scares me too, that if I ever do find love again, how do I ever connect with that person when I am teaching myself to disengage or become unattached.
I miss him. I miss him so much. Not the verbally and emotional abuser that he became and not the passive aggressive man that would just not talk to me in days when he got mad at me... but the man that I met...
I pray for him. I pray every day at least ten times a day for him. I pray for his sanity. I pray he doesn't drink and drive. I pray for his peace of mind and his happiness. I pray that he starts filling his bucket with positive people in his life and I pray he breaks through the chains that bind him into a hell here on earth. I pray for his courage to get the help he needs. This is not something I can do for him.
It is a hard thing to do, to love someone with addictions. We all have a story. All of them have highs and lows. I now need to concentrate on how I get myself strong again, and not just band aid them up but face heartache in a healthy and meaningful way so I am whole again. This is not woe is me. I am the one that got myself into this situation and only I can work on it for my own health and happiness.
I am worth it, just as much as he is worth it.
Blessings for all who are addicted. Blessings to all of us that love them as each of us try to make healthier live for ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm both a recovering alcoholic (22.5 years) and going to Alanon for my codependency. In sobriety I had the worst relationship of my life with another recovering addict who never went to meetings and had no problems, although at the time he had more sober time than I did. He was hurtful and destructive and without a program, had alal the character defects described by Bill Wilson in the Big Book: arrogance, self-centered in the extreme, dishonest, grandiose, enormous ego coupled with low self-esteem. A miserable person to be with but with my codependency I developed an obsession. Cutting the ties was was very painful and only possible with the support of Alanon. I sincerely hope our paths never cross again. Now, I would never date another recovering alcoholic even if he was channeling Bill Wilson.
You have very little time and putting down alcohol is only a first step "If you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you have a horse thief," a saying I heard in early sobriety. It takes many years to change and a lot of hard work with the 12 Steps and therapy. Alcoholism isn't a disease of the elebow, it's a psychiaric illness. Don't expect the people around you to start trusting and respecting you, you have to earn that all over again.
If you're serious, I hope you get a sponsor and do the steps. Without that you're still a dry alcoholic with all the character defects and no anesthesia.
You have very little time and putting down alcohol is only a first step "If you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you have a horse thief," a saying I heard in early sobriety. It takes many years to change and a lot of hard work with the 12 Steps and therapy. Alcoholism isn't a disease of the elebow, it's a psychiaric illness. Don't expect the people around you to start trusting and respecting you, you have to earn that all over again.
If you're serious, I hope you get a sponsor and do the steps. Without that you're still a dry alcoholic with all the character defects and no anesthesia.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 103
I am so grateful to find this as I have been wondering this same thing for many, many months. Does anyone have stories of hope to share about their Alcoholic who went into and stayed in recovery and worked a strong program? I am 15 months sober. My DH and I have been married over 10 years (7 very happy ones). My alcoholism took hold after the birth of our fourth and last child and I spiraled rapidly downward. I was an active alcoholic for 18 months. I am so grateful to be in recovery, find AA, enlist a sponsor and go to meetings regularly (3/week). I also sponsor others. My husband continues to hold on to a lot of pain and resentment. He no longer wears a wedding ring because he told me it is too painful. I understand that I caused a lot of pain during my active drinking. I made my formal amends to him in January (Step 9) and continue to apologize, live an honest life and stay sober. I am just not sure there is any hope that we will ever get over this hump. He went to AlAnon for a year and got a sponsor. The sponsor never worked the steps with him. DH is working so hard (Al-Anon, counseling, now he meets weekly with our priest) and I want so badly for him to forgive and move forward, not even for my sake but for his own. If it happens that we must part ways I can accept that and I am not willing to stay in a marriage filled with resentment and no acceptance. However, this is the love of my life and I am willing to continue to work hard (as is he) with the hope that some day things could get better. Does anyone have experience with this?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
Yes, I do, also from the codie side. My wife (RAW) and I also have the hump, but really ours started building a long time ago the alcohol just turned it into a mountain. That said, I am half the problem. I'm in the midst of my Alanon 4th step, its been productive so far, it looks like it'll be well into Fall or even Winter before I finish the workbook & thats just the 1st pass, I've not considered the 5th step at all. I <think> I am acting and thinking a lot better but I find I have been so deluded about my own actions and attitudes that I'm reluctant to trust myself yet.
After a year in w/ a sponsor etc I would generally expect some work on the steps but I'm certainly not making judgements or suggestions.. of course just having a sponsor is no guarantee... I chat with mine occasionally, keep him updated w/ progress & whats cooking in the brain at the moment- he's happy to let me work the program at my own pace and sanity check what I'm up to... others might be more assertive, or less. It seems to me getting a sponsor is like buying a new pair of shoes, once you have them you can either leave them in the closet or you can put them on and start walking.
Pent up anger and resentment is so difficult to let go.. it tends to involve a lot more history than the events they're focused upon. Theres a lot of talk about family-of-origin work when tracing this stuff down, definitely the case for me- in fact for my part thats more involved with my fear/anger/resentments than the alcohol was. Might be something like that is going on with him.
After a year in w/ a sponsor etc I would generally expect some work on the steps but I'm certainly not making judgements or suggestions.. of course just having a sponsor is no guarantee... I chat with mine occasionally, keep him updated w/ progress & whats cooking in the brain at the moment- he's happy to let me work the program at my own pace and sanity check what I'm up to... others might be more assertive, or less. It seems to me getting a sponsor is like buying a new pair of shoes, once you have them you can either leave them in the closet or you can put them on and start walking.
Pent up anger and resentment is so difficult to let go.. it tends to involve a lot more history than the events they're focused upon. Theres a lot of talk about family-of-origin work when tracing this stuff down, definitely the case for me- in fact for my part thats more involved with my fear/anger/resentments than the alcohol was. Might be something like that is going on with him.
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