Mandy01

Hi I am a newcomer to this website and am not sure where I should be posting but heres my story. I also have posted this on the newcomers page but was not sure if that was the right place.
I have just been broken up with by my alcoholic boyfriend of 16 months. He broke up with me because he says I didnt trust him. I am six years older than him and he works, lives and drinks at a pub. My problem is he keeps telling me how he loves working with hot young chicks who he seems to think hit on him all day and loves being around gourgous women. Yes that does make me feel insecure but I also think it is wrong to say those things to me. It is my fiftieth birthday on Friday and we were meant to be going to Bali. This trip was fully paid for by my boss and I feel very embarrassed. I cant understand how he can be so cold and heartless to breakup with me on such an important week of my life. I will be flying to Bali on my own but feel so down and useless at the moment. The when I get back from my holiday all my friends hang out at the same pub so unless I alienate myself I will have to be around him. This is so hard.
I just need someone to chat to for some advise on how to get through this

atalose

I am so sorry this breakup happened around your Bday. I guess there really is no good time for an ending.

If you were my sister or best friend I would tell you that this really is a good thing for you even if it doesn't feel like it right now. And that you deserve far better in a partner then someone who would be so callous and disrespectful to say those hurtful things to you which no doubt feeds into your insecurities. It's just plain mean, all he has said and now leaving you to travel alone.

How exciting it is for you to travel to Bali, I would think the last thing I would want to pack and bring along is a disrespectful drunk!

I'm sure there are other pubs to hang out at especially if you explain to your friends how uncomfortable it will be to go there. And if they don't understand that, they are not your friends.

You are not useless and don't allow his words to make you feel that way, he's a drunk his words mean nothing unless you allow them to.

Mandy01

Thankyou so much for your reply. It has me in tears but I dont feel quite so alone anymore

atalose

No you are not alone, many of us here have lost relationships, been hurt and had our self esteem destroyed by alcoholics/addicts.

The good news is once you realize you deserve so much more from a partner then any active alcoholic could ever give you, you begin to live a new life, a healthier life which will then attract healthy people into your life.

Focus on Bali and all you will see and experience- something new to begin your new life.

Tears are ok, sadness is normal endings hurt but you will survive it then thrive from it.

Mandy01

This is my 10th time to Bali as I live in Australia and it is only 3 hours away. Unfortunatley the last time I went was with him and I am staying at the same place. But i am listening to your wise words and I will find some new experiences there.

ladyscribbler

Hugs Mandy. Honestly it sounds to me like he is the insecure one, otherwise he wouldn't need to stroke his ego by bragging. I bet if you ask those "gorgeous young girls" they think he's an old barfly and is the butt of their jokes.
Just focus on taking care of you and having an awesome time in Bali for your birthday. Sounds like you have a cool job and a terrific boss.
When you get back I bet you and your friends can find something way more fun than hanging around a pub with a guy who is yesterday's news.

amy55

Hi Mandy,

Just wanted to pop in and say hello. I'm off to bed right now, but just wanted to welcome you here. There is so much support here and really good people.

(((hugs)))

Missus

My now husband worked in a pub when I met him (should have seen it coming, really) back when we were in our early 20s. Any old guy who thought he was a hit with the young girls was always the saddest thing there ... I think you may have dodged a bullet :-) Enjoy Bali and create some new memories to replace the old

NWGRITS

You deserve better than to be put down like that. He's probably not hot stuff to them at all. The most vocal are usually just trying to convince themselves more than you. You're going to Bali. How could that possibly be a bad vacation? Enjoy yourself. Take this time to figure out what YOU like to do for fun. What makes YOU happy. Learning to become comfortable alone with yourself is one of the hardest things to do as a codie. Do this for YOU.

Mandy01

Felt so much better after hearing all your replies yesterday but today is another day. Just not sure how I am going to handle getting on that plane with an empty seat beside me. I feel like I am falling apart again. This was meant to be the trip of a life time and now it is going to be the trip from hell

ladyscribbler

My experience on airplanes (which is considerable) has been that they will fill that seat if someone is a no show. If not, enjoy the extra elbow room. I always take a nice, thick vacation book as well. Then there's no need to switch anything off during takeoff.
Have you ever read Outlander by Diana Gabaldon? That is an epic vacation read if you care to pick up a copy.
I should probably not mention how totally jealous I am of your sweet vacation to Bali, but I will anyway. This weekend I am driving to Wauseon, Ohio to get my sons from their respective grandparents. Wauseon is roughly the halfway point between where I am in Iowa and where they are. It is very glamorous, even featuring a McDonalds playland and 2 gas stations, lol. Also I think they have a Wal Mart, though I haven't been there.
Relax, enjoy yourself. Who knows,maybe that empty seat will be occupied by a handsome, mysterious stranger.

Mandy01

Thank you. I have actually been to Ohio. I can remember going to your awesome zoo in Columbus and seeing the gorilla program.

ladyscribbler

I've driven through Columbus but never stopped there. Maybe I should.

MAGW

Mandy01- did you read or watch eat pray love? Read it on the plane - or rent it - I fell madly in love with the idea of traveling alone and finding myself as Elizabeth Gilbert does! Yes she finds romance in the end ( in BALI!!!), but it's a long road for her too, but so much fun if you can embrace your independence on this trip. Also the plane ride is sometimes my favorite part of the vaca as I know there is nothing I can do to be productive, and am left to reading with zero guilt! And bring headphones with your favorite music! Love Ingrid Michaelson!