He moved out today.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
He moved out today.....
Tues afternoon my A husband entered a 12 step treatment plan. He had his first meeting with the counselor at 3PM....I don't hear from him all evening, so at 10pm I call his friend who says he saw him about 6pm and thought he was headed home. Anyways this friend says he will look for my husband and let me know. He found him at another friends house (can't go to the bar cause that might mean he was an ALCOHOLIC! :attention ) So this guy drives my husband home....I asked him to take my husband to his house cause I can't take another fight, and I am a little more scared each time my AH gets drunk and beligerent. I went to sleep and woke up at 2AM to my AH puking all over himself in the bathroom. I have NEVER seen someone that drunk! I called my best friend who is an nurse and ask her "how bad can someone get before I need to take them to the emergency room" I was scared....I thought he could die! He could not even speak! He just layed on the floor and mumbled obsenities to himself - what a piece of **** he is a drunk MF... on and on. That man must really hate himself to say all that!
I didn't speak to him the next few days, and then he tries to say
I'm sorry...
Won't do it again...
Please forgive me....
I will get help....
You don't deserve this...
Then I find out he went to the appointment drunk! Drove Drunk again!
I just said "Go!" I can't just continue the cycle. My boys and I all deserve a sober loving father/husband!
I am so sad....., but also a bit relieved...I am confused, frusterated, feeling guilty, but also feeling like I did the "right" thing.
I know some of you have been here, I am not sure what to do from here....I am so scared. My boys (3 and 5) don't know that he has left yet, he just told them he was going to work and wouldnt' see them for a couple days. They are so used to him not being around they probably won't even ask....I guess that is terrible in itself!
I don't want my 7 year marraige to be over, but I also can't continue to watch him lie, drink, drive and hurt himself.
He went to stay with his friend that drinks like a fish and also just got a divorce, just great! But I am not in control of that so what can I do....I am just here waiting and hating this process! Alcohol suck! Any advice appreciated!
I didn't speak to him the next few days, and then he tries to say
I'm sorry...
Won't do it again...
Please forgive me....
I will get help....
You don't deserve this...
Then I find out he went to the appointment drunk! Drove Drunk again!
I just said "Go!" I can't just continue the cycle. My boys and I all deserve a sober loving father/husband!
I am so sad....., but also a bit relieved...I am confused, frusterated, feeling guilty, but also feeling like I did the "right" thing.
I know some of you have been here, I am not sure what to do from here....I am so scared. My boys (3 and 5) don't know that he has left yet, he just told them he was going to work and wouldnt' see them for a couple days. They are so used to him not being around they probably won't even ask....I guess that is terrible in itself!
I don't want my 7 year marraige to be over, but I also can't continue to watch him lie, drink, drive and hurt himself.
He went to stay with his friend that drinks like a fish and also just got a divorce, just great! But I am not in control of that so what can I do....I am just here waiting and hating this process! Alcohol suck! Any advice appreciated!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Yreva
My heart and prayers go out to you. Right now you don't have to do anything but just take good care of yourself and your children. Take time to heal, regain your balance, and when the time is right you can make decisions.
One day at a time is how we usually take it, and that's enough for any of us.
It is sad when dreams don't come true, but letting go of the dream is better than living the nightmare it has become.
There is nothing you can do for him right now, so just say a prayer that he will be led back to recovery soon.
Hugs
Ann
My heart and prayers go out to you. Right now you don't have to do anything but just take good care of yourself and your children. Take time to heal, regain your balance, and when the time is right you can make decisions.
One day at a time is how we usually take it, and that's enough for any of us.
It is sad when dreams don't come true, but letting go of the dream is better than living the nightmare it has become.
There is nothing you can do for him right now, so just say a prayer that he will be led back to recovery soon.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
That man must really hate himself to say all that!
I hated myself enough for a long time that I almost lost everything.
Ann said it oh so well...
There is nothing you can do for him right now
It's up to him to fix himself if he wants to.
Good luck to all of you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 45
Oh Yreva I am so sorry you are going through this. I can totally relate to your problems. I also have 2 young kids (3 and 15 months) and have been together 9 years with my AH. 16 days ago I was in your shoes and I kicked my AH out of the house. I did not want my kids around this anymore. It was hard on my 3 y/o b/c she did not understand what was going on. I kept telling her that daddy was at work, not sure if that was the right thing to say or not? I let him return home after 2 weeks. He has been going to an intensive outpatient program 3 nights a week and the other nights AA. Now I have to tell her he is at a meeting. She still asks everyday if daddy is coming home.
I have also been through the promises and apologies and they mean nothing to me anymore. I have let go. I also want to save my marriage like you, but it feels impossible when we can not get them to change! So I have been working on myself and it makes me feel better.
I know you have alot of emotions right now but just remember..You can not control him, you can not change him...It is up to him to do this. You need to help yourself and those kids you have.
Good luck and I will be sending prayers your way!
Gabi
I have also been through the promises and apologies and they mean nothing to me anymore. I have let go. I also want to save my marriage like you, but it feels impossible when we can not get them to change! So I have been working on myself and it makes me feel better.
I know you have alot of emotions right now but just remember..You can not control him, you can not change him...It is up to him to do this. You need to help yourself and those kids you have.
Good luck and I will be sending prayers your way!
Gabi
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
I'm so sorry. HOw hard to have seen that. I can not imagine hating yourself that much. and how frustrating b/c there truly is nothing you can do. doesn't it just stink to be in that position? I asked my SO to move out last Monday......the first day of our vacation. We were to start working on the house together. But he and his son got drunk on Saturday again and it was the last straw.
You know, I don't even know if we would be good together b/c the alcohol is so in the way. So right now I don't know how to feel. I am reading and re-reading Codependent No MOre and it is helping me tremendously. I am going to try and go to my first Al-Anon meeting enxt week.
I miss my SO so much. It is scary to be alone with two kids. hugs to you. but we did the right thing I am afraid.
You know, I don't even know if we would be good together b/c the alcohol is so in the way. So right now I don't know how to feel. I am reading and re-reading Codependent No MOre and it is helping me tremendously. I am going to try and go to my first Al-Anon meeting enxt week.
I miss my SO so much. It is scary to be alone with two kids. hugs to you. but we did the right thing I am afraid.
KingsWeaver, We Are One
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In tryinagain's heart
Posts: 103
Hello Yreva,
I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through all of this! As the rest of the posts say there is nothing you can do for him. :nono:
You need to take care of you and your kids right now, one day at a time is all you need to focus on. Take care of today and don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here.
Hopefully some day your husband will admit that he has a problem and want to change it but until he realizes it things will remain as they are.
My prayers go out to you and your children :heart:
Hugs,
Penelope
I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through all of this! As the rest of the posts say there is nothing you can do for him. :nono:
You need to take care of you and your kids right now, one day at a time is all you need to focus on. Take care of today and don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here.
Hopefully some day your husband will admit that he has a problem and want to change it but until he realizes it things will remain as they are.
My prayers go out to you and your children :heart:
Hugs,
Penelope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Thanks for all the kind words. I know that it is true when everyone says work on yourself and the kids and that I can't change my AH or make him "better", but wow is that hard right now. I just don't know how to do all this....I to will be trying to go to Alanon next week, I just don't have alot of family to help watch the kids while I go, and I REALLY don't want to have to ask him to help out. I just can't believe this is really my life I am talking about.
To top things off my brother and my 2 sisters and I (34,31,28,and 25 yrs old) went and tried to do an "intervention" on my A mom 2 weeks ago Sat....my mom hasn't talked to me since. That bites too! The good thing is that my sisters have offered to go to Alanon with me next week.
One day at a time....
Can I take it one hour at a time right now? :-**
To top things off my brother and my 2 sisters and I (34,31,28,and 25 yrs old) went and tried to do an "intervention" on my A mom 2 weeks ago Sat....my mom hasn't talked to me since. That bites too! The good thing is that my sisters have offered to go to Alanon with me next week.
One day at a time....
Can I take it one hour at a time right now? :-**
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
Yreva, losing your husband and your mother in a two week time period has got to be extremely hard. But just remember you haven't really lost these two people......you have just detached for now. REbuilding the relationships will come later. But you have no control over when that will be. It is in their hands now.
Lean on your sisters. You have more family there than you know. I have none here by me (wow that sounds whiny LOL). You also have friends. Friends are more than willing to help when they see you help yourself. When you are just stuck complaining the same thing over and over......no one wants to be around that. But youa re taking positive steps to improve your life. Don't hesitate to task for help. Many people would be glad to give it...I bet you would be surprised.
Lean on your sisters. You have more family there than you know. I have none here by me (wow that sounds whiny LOL). You also have friends. Friends are more than willing to help when they see you help yourself. When you are just stuck complaining the same thing over and over......no one wants to be around that. But youa re taking positive steps to improve your life. Don't hesitate to task for help. Many people would be glad to give it...I bet you would be surprised.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Well my husband let me know today that he thinks I am the reason that he is so unhappy! I am so hurt and confused right now, I don't know what to feel or say. He informed my that he knows he needs help for his drinking (he went out and got druck last night tho!) and he is "going to get help", but he thinks that he is obviously unhappy for a reason, and I guess I fit that shoe!
Is this a total alcoholic reaction---don't take responsibility for your happiness, it must be someone elses fault eh? Whew- I AM bitter eh? :-**
I am just trying to stay as "detached" as I can, but this is hard...I am not sure at this point what to tell the boys (3 and 5)....I don't want to upset them, but their dad is gone for who knows how long....they really haven't asked much yet because he is usually gone when he lives here anyways, but when bedtime gets here they starting to ask where he is, and that they miss him. It sure isn't easy being the responsible parent.
Is this a total alcoholic reaction---don't take responsibility for your happiness, it must be someone elses fault eh? Whew- I AM bitter eh? :-**
I am just trying to stay as "detached" as I can, but this is hard...I am not sure at this point what to tell the boys (3 and 5)....I don't want to upset them, but their dad is gone for who knows how long....they really haven't asked much yet because he is usually gone when he lives here anyways, but when bedtime gets here they starting to ask where he is, and that they miss him. It sure isn't easy being the responsible parent.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
I feel your pain totally, I have 3 kiddos, 3, 6 & 12. My AO walked out on us, left us in a mess, told me it was all my fault. Talk about hitting bottom, I hit bottom with a THUD. The hurt and pain was overwhelming. I barely made it through the next 48 hrs. Hit your support group and do it now, mine is my mom, she came after me and the kids, set us up with my brother, took me to alanon and has been a absolute godsend to me. I can never repay the debt I owe her. Get with your family and your good freinds, don't worry if you feel like your taking advantage of them, they want to help or they would'nt offer. You need them right now, you are so very vulnerable right now, hold off on making any decisions concerning you and him, you need time to greive over whats happened, get in touch with yourself and reach out to others to help you through. Please listen to me, I've been there, I know how you feel. My family and alanon has saved my life literally. I'm doing so much better now and working hard on my recovery. I know it seems hopeless right now but it WILL get better. He has to take his own path and you can't control which path it is. You can control your path however, and make it as good or bad as you want it to be. Get to alanon hun, rely on your family and freinds and most of all be there for your kids, they are really going to need you during this time. Above all keep the faith in yourself, YOU are worthwhile, YOU deserve to be happy, YOU are someone. Keep posting here and let us know how your doing. My hugs and prayers to you....Teggie
KingsWeaver, We Are One
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In tryinagain's heart
Posts: 103
You Keep Going!
Hey Yreva,
Teggie is right, get with your family and format a plan, get to Al-Anon and quick. He is blaming you because he has to blame somebody for his drinking and you are it!
That is sad when he blames the woman that helped bring his & your beautiful children into the world.
With my husband I knew why he drank which he is no longer doing, he never blamed me though!
I am so grateful that he made the decision to quit and get help, yes it was his decision and his alone. Your husband has to get that fed up with himself before there will be any changes, and I am sorry to say that he may never get to that point, I pray for you and your children that he does.
You keep your head high, keep posting and keep us up to date. If you didn't have anybody to talk to before you do now, this is a wonderful site. Keep coming back!
My hugs and prayers go out to you and yours!
Penelope
Teggie is right, get with your family and format a plan, get to Al-Anon and quick. He is blaming you because he has to blame somebody for his drinking and you are it!
That is sad when he blames the woman that helped bring his & your beautiful children into the world. With my husband I knew why he drank which he is no longer doing, he never blamed me though!
I am so grateful that he made the decision to quit and get help, yes it was his decision and his alone. Your husband has to get that fed up with himself before there will be any changes, and I am sorry to say that he may never get to that point, I pray for you and your children that he does.You keep your head high, keep posting and keep us up to date. If you didn't have anybody to talk to before you do now, this is a wonderful site. Keep coming back!
My hugs and prayers go out to you and yours!
Penelope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
To throw another thing in the mix my husband is also on anti-anxiety medicine- Lexapro....(Reads right on the presciption bottle "DO NOT DRINK WHILE TAKING THIS MEDICATION) Anyways he informed me today the counselor at the treatment center he is supposedly starting at Tues told him he shouldn't be on this medication for so long (going on over a year right now) so my husband said "I am not taking that medication anymore-I don't need it" Last time he went off of it cold turkey he couldn't even form a sentence after a few days he was so crazy with anxiety! I told him to call our family doctor, but he refused. Add that in the mix and I feel like my life hangs on a thread with a crazy medication breaking alcoholic...sounds safe eh?
I do agree about the Alanon thing...I will be going. I am also reading alot here that is helping...I have learned alot so far. Thanks to all of you again, it is nice to come to a place where I don't feel judged, but also people that have been there. It is hard to talk to my best friend right now because she is as angry as I am, and doesn't have the best things to say about my husband. That doesn't really help, even if I know they are true right now...at one time my husband was a loving person and a great guy. I am just trying to remember those times now, and hoping and praying he will get ahold of this before we lose this fight for our marraige. Right now I feel like the score is:
Alcohol = 40
Me = 0
I remember saying to myself when I turned 16 and I moved out from my home with my A mom
"Now I am in charge. I make the decisions, and no one else can screw it up for me- I get that choice" I was so excited to be able to live "Normal" and not worry about an alcoholic......little did I know that I would be right back there times two!!
I guess I should read the codependency book everyone has been talking about, but I have never thought of myself as codependant...hmmmm...
Thanks again-
Di
I do agree about the Alanon thing...I will be going. I am also reading alot here that is helping...I have learned alot so far. Thanks to all of you again, it is nice to come to a place where I don't feel judged, but also people that have been there. It is hard to talk to my best friend right now because she is as angry as I am, and doesn't have the best things to say about my husband. That doesn't really help, even if I know they are true right now...at one time my husband was a loving person and a great guy. I am just trying to remember those times now, and hoping and praying he will get ahold of this before we lose this fight for our marraige. Right now I feel like the score is:
Alcohol = 40
Me = 0
I remember saying to myself when I turned 16 and I moved out from my home with my A mom
"Now I am in charge. I make the decisions, and no one else can screw it up for me- I get that choice" I was so excited to be able to live "Normal" and not worry about an alcoholic......little did I know that I would be right back there times two!!
I guess I should read the codependency book everyone has been talking about, but I have never thought of myself as codependant...hmmmm...
Thanks again-
Di
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Turn that score around girl! He has to do this and he has to do it alone. It's that simple. There is nothing you can say or do that is going to change the outcome. No matter how much he loves you and no matter how much you love him. No matter how he used to be at one time, the fact is he's sick right now and he's not that man anymore. You can't let yourself focus only on the way he used to be. To do that isn't going to help the situation and it may cause you further pain down the line. Step back and see it for what it is. When the smoke clears he's either going to be fighting to get his life on track or he'll be back to doing what he's been doing. And where will you be? Will you be hanging on to a sinking ship? or will you be working on yourself to make you a better person for yourself and your kids? If he stops his medication then he'll have to deal with whatever happens as a result. It's not your responsibility. It's his. You need to take care of yourself and your kids and make sure y'all stay safe. Your in a crisis, and when people go through a crisis it's hard to think straight. Please, I don't want to sound harsh in anyway, I care about what happens to you and your boys, I've been there and seen it firsthand. I know what it's like to lov somebody so much, remember how they used to be, but have to let them take thier own path. And beleive me it's the hardest thing I've ever done. But it was necessary to do it for my sanity, myself and my kid's. I can only offer advice to you, not solutions. Get knowledge, get to alanon, check out more about codependancy. Take care of you and your kids. One phrase in your post really got my attention:
Quote: "Add that in the mix and I feel like my life hangs on a thread with a crazy medication breaking alcoholic...sounds safe eh?"
Don't let your life hang on that thread. It's your life, take charge of it.
My prayers are with you....Teggie
Quote: "Add that in the mix and I feel like my life hangs on a thread with a crazy medication breaking alcoholic...sounds safe eh?"
Don't let your life hang on that thread. It's your life, take charge of it.
My prayers are with you....Teggie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Thanks Teggie- great advice!
We are almost a week into him being gone from the house, and things are looking up. It has been hard, but gets easier each day. The first night he was gone, he went out drinking and called me the next day to say we were "postponing the inevitable" He wants a divorce! I was shocked to say the least...I didn't fight I just told him I didn't want to talk about this right now. The next day he comes back and says he is waiting to make a decision until he gets some more counseling. I just asked him not to pass judgement on our marraige until he is sober and "drug-fee" (lexapro). He is trying to point the finger at our marraige, "I am so depressed, drinking, taking anti-anxiety meds- obvoiusly it is our marraige" I think he will see differently later- not that we don't have alot to work on in our relationship, but I don't think it has been the downfall of him or I.
He entered treatment, and has a 3 hr twice a week counseling/group session, and a weekly UA test. He also has to attend AA once a week and get his card signed. He went to his first 3 hr class/group therapy last night and called me all excited about it....I know this all sounds great, but I can't help feeling resentful....almost angry that he is enjoying this. I am here holding it all together with the kids, the house, our business (he is self-employed), and he is out "working on himself"---boy that sounds bitter, but that is how I feel right now...
I am not acting angry towards him, but under the surface I am boiling. I am still mad at all the lies, drinking and yelling. I am trying to get to an Alanon meeting, just having trouble having someone watch the kisd...they don't want to leave my side for a minute. This has all really shook up this family. My oldest-(5yrs) is having a really tough time...he is such a softy...so sensitive....just begs Daddy to take him "home" with him, or asks about EVERYTHING like this:
I say "Lets go to Burger King"
He says "Are we going as a family with DADDY." I don't even know what to say....
Part of me is sooooooooo happy AH is getting help, and the other part says I am scared....maybe the codie in me is scared to get better??? I really don't know, I WILL make an ALANON meeting soon. Is this all just par for the course, or am I just going crazy!!! I really don't feel like this can honestly be my life
Di
We are almost a week into him being gone from the house, and things are looking up. It has been hard, but gets easier each day. The first night he was gone, he went out drinking and called me the next day to say we were "postponing the inevitable" He wants a divorce! I was shocked to say the least...I didn't fight I just told him I didn't want to talk about this right now. The next day he comes back and says he is waiting to make a decision until he gets some more counseling. I just asked him not to pass judgement on our marraige until he is sober and "drug-fee" (lexapro). He is trying to point the finger at our marraige, "I am so depressed, drinking, taking anti-anxiety meds- obvoiusly it is our marraige" I think he will see differently later- not that we don't have alot to work on in our relationship, but I don't think it has been the downfall of him or I.
He entered treatment, and has a 3 hr twice a week counseling/group session, and a weekly UA test. He also has to attend AA once a week and get his card signed. He went to his first 3 hr class/group therapy last night and called me all excited about it....I know this all sounds great, but I can't help feeling resentful....almost angry that he is enjoying this. I am here holding it all together with the kids, the house, our business (he is self-employed), and he is out "working on himself"---boy that sounds bitter, but that is how I feel right now...
I am not acting angry towards him, but under the surface I am boiling. I am still mad at all the lies, drinking and yelling. I am trying to get to an Alanon meeting, just having trouble having someone watch the kisd...they don't want to leave my side for a minute. This has all really shook up this family. My oldest-(5yrs) is having a really tough time...he is such a softy...so sensitive....just begs Daddy to take him "home" with him, or asks about EVERYTHING like this:
I say "Lets go to Burger King"
He says "Are we going as a family with DADDY." I don't even know what to say....
Part of me is sooooooooo happy AH is getting help, and the other part says I am scared....maybe the codie in me is scared to get better??? I really don't know, I WILL make an ALANON meeting soon. Is this all just par for the course, or am I just going crazy!!! I really don't feel like this can honestly be my life
Di
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Indianapolis, In
Posts: 112
OK., I haven't finsihed reading all the posts yet...but why would they tell him you shouldn't be on Lexapro for longer than a year?? Some people are on that kind of med for their LIFETIME?? What are they talking about?? I suffer anxiety badly and was just put on Lexapro. It takes 4 to 6 weeks to kick in. And NO you can NOT go off of it cold turkey. Cripes...you will tail spin into paranoia or severe depression. And of course he needs it.
OK....what he did was rubbing salt into your wounds. If the alcoholism wasn't enough ...now he drinks because of YOU. That IS the alcoholic, the diseased person, talking. Don't pay any attention. Here is how a healthy person works: If he is unhappy in your marriage, then he needs to talk to you and see if you can work on it together. If you two worked on your relationship and still are not happy, then like many others you part ways, regretably but to move on and find a relationship that does make you happy. NORMAL people don't drink into oblivion just because they are unhappy in their marriage. GEEZ.
ok...now I'm going back to finish reading the rest.
OK....what he did was rubbing salt into your wounds. If the alcoholism wasn't enough ...now he drinks because of YOU. That IS the alcoholic, the diseased person, talking. Don't pay any attention. Here is how a healthy person works: If he is unhappy in your marriage, then he needs to talk to you and see if you can work on it together. If you two worked on your relationship and still are not happy, then like many others you part ways, regretably but to move on and find a relationship that does make you happy. NORMAL people don't drink into oblivion just because they are unhappy in their marriage. GEEZ.
ok...now I'm going back to finish reading the rest.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
You are so right about not being able to control the situation and good for you.
Its not fun, I have been there, we don't have kids, but I can't count the amount of times he lied on the bathroom floor mumbling the same exact things.
Keep your head up, persistence and determination are the keys I have found!!
Sarah Elizabeth
Its not fun, I have been there, we don't have kids, but I can't count the amount of times he lied on the bathroom floor mumbling the same exact things.
Keep your head up, persistence and determination are the keys I have found!!
Sarah Elizabeth
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Yreva,
Are you seeking any help for yourself? Have you been going to any Al-Anon meetings? It has helped me to focus on me, my recovery, and my life. Alcoholics are prone to get drunk, no matter how much time they have sober. I don't want to live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I choose to learn to take care of me. You can too. Hugs, Magic
Are you seeking any help for yourself? Have you been going to any Al-Anon meetings? It has helped me to focus on me, my recovery, and my life. Alcoholics are prone to get drunk, no matter how much time they have sober. I don't want to live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I choose to learn to take care of me. You can too. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 45
Hits Too Close To Home!!!
I swear I could have written this original post!! I can totally relate. But just know...it is NOT your fault!! He has an illness that makes him blame everyone for his problems except for himself and unfortunately as his wife you are his punching bag! I know...I'm in the same boat! My AH is also in an IOP program but he is 3 nights a week for 3 hours and he has to go to the 90 meetings in 90 days. And I TOTALLY understand how you feel about him getting better while you hold all responsibility! I am having a really tough time with that myself.
In fact, I have been so down lately because I am bitter that I was his victim for so long b/c of the drinking and now for him to get better I have to continue to take all responsibility at home. Cooking, Laundry, Cleaning, 2 Kids ect... And what does he do...goes to meetings to make him feel better. Well I know I don't feel any better...I feel worse! And it is not easy getting to Al Anon with 2 kids!
I am also worried b/c my AH has been working the program for 3 weeks now and I am starting to wonder if he is losing interest. He told me a bunch of people from work are going out tomorrow to say goodbye to someone who is leaving. He wants to go and after they are all going to a bar. Of course his sponser said NO WAY it is way too soon. But my AH says it will only be for 5 minutes- heard that one before! I am angry b/c 1) He should be going to treatment, which he has tomorrow night, not out with people from work. 2) He will NEVER see this guy again that is leaving. 3) We were supposed to go to this place for my 30th birthday this weekend- which I am sure he will do nothing for! But most of all I am angry b/c It is ALWAYS ABOUT HIM!!! Why should he be able to go and have fun when I am always the responsible one that never gets a moment alone?
Sorry for ranting but It helps me to feel better!
Gabi
In fact, I have been so down lately because I am bitter that I was his victim for so long b/c of the drinking and now for him to get better I have to continue to take all responsibility at home. Cooking, Laundry, Cleaning, 2 Kids ect... And what does he do...goes to meetings to make him feel better. Well I know I don't feel any better...I feel worse! And it is not easy getting to Al Anon with 2 kids!
I am also worried b/c my AH has been working the program for 3 weeks now and I am starting to wonder if he is losing interest. He told me a bunch of people from work are going out tomorrow to say goodbye to someone who is leaving. He wants to go and after they are all going to a bar. Of course his sponser said NO WAY it is way too soon. But my AH says it will only be for 5 minutes- heard that one before! I am angry b/c 1) He should be going to treatment, which he has tomorrow night, not out with people from work. 2) He will NEVER see this guy again that is leaving. 3) We were supposed to go to this place for my 30th birthday this weekend- which I am sure he will do nothing for! But most of all I am angry b/c It is ALWAYS ABOUT HIM!!! Why should he be able to go and have fun when I am always the responsible one that never gets a moment alone?
Sorry for ranting but It helps me to feel better!
Gabi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Magic- I just set up to go to an Al Anon meeting tomorrow night....thanks to all of you- it is nice to know someone understands.
Gabi- Are we the same person girl! :-) You can message me anytime you want to rant. :-) I think we are in the same boat right now, you are just a few days ahead in the process...let me know what to expect eh? Ha! Ha!, funny eh? I feel the same way you do...glad he is getting help, since I have been begging him to for years, but on the other hand I am sooooooooo sick of everything being ABOUT HIM!! I am so mad that for years he has manipulated and used me, and now HE is getting help while I continue to... HOLD DOWN THE FORT as always....It is hard with kids, all the resentment because we are the ones who HAVE to be responsible...All these feelings really suck. I got a babysitter for tomorrow and I am hoping Al Anon can help me to detach from all this anger and resentment....I learn more each day, and I hope I will get some tools to get me thru tomorrow. Hang in there!
Gabi- Are we the same person girl! :-) You can message me anytime you want to rant. :-) I think we are in the same boat right now, you are just a few days ahead in the process...let me know what to expect eh? Ha! Ha!, funny eh? I feel the same way you do...glad he is getting help, since I have been begging him to for years, but on the other hand I am sooooooooo sick of everything being ABOUT HIM!! I am so mad that for years he has manipulated and used me, and now HE is getting help while I continue to... HOLD DOWN THE FORT as always....It is hard with kids, all the resentment because we are the ones who HAVE to be responsible...All these feelings really suck. I got a babysitter for tomorrow and I am hoping Al Anon can help me to detach from all this anger and resentment....I learn more each day, and I hope I will get some tools to get me thru tomorrow. Hang in there!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I am so proud of you for taking that first step to taking care of yourself! You are a terrific person and deserve to be taken care of. Being good to you will only make your life better. 
Let us know how it goes. Hugs, Magic
Let us know how it goes. Hugs, Magic
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