I Was Doing So Well
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I Was Doing So Well
Or at least, I thought I was 
Since I moved, I've been doing really well. I started a new job, enjoying it, made some new friends, they know a little about why I moved but not the whole story. I've kept myself busy (been reading a few things on here but have had no time to reply to any of the threads, definitely going to change that. I want to help people as I've been helped). I've been no contact apart from issues regarding money and he is not contacting me. I'm happy.
But now I just feel horrendous all over again. Tonight, I watched the Sex and the City movie and if anyone has watched it, the e-mail bit and the ending really got to me. I miss him, or at least, the good side of him.
Why can't I have that? I feel this immense pressure to show that I'm moving on and that I'm getting over him but sometimes it's really hard. I still think about him and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because everyone says how great I'm doing and how I've done the right by leaving. I don't want people to know that I still struggle sometimes. After that stupid movie, I just wanted to cry.
When I left, I still loved him. I don't know if I do anymore or not. I felt like I was making good progress, focusing on myself and what I wanted. I've hit a brick wall and I'm finding it difficult to tunnel through.
I wish I'd never watched that movie now Can we ever get over the emotional pain that they caused?
Since I moved, I've been doing really well. I started a new job, enjoying it, made some new friends, they know a little about why I moved but not the whole story. I've kept myself busy (been reading a few things on here but have had no time to reply to any of the threads, definitely going to change that. I want to help people as I've been helped). I've been no contact apart from issues regarding money and he is not contacting me. I'm happy.
But now I just feel horrendous all over again. Tonight, I watched the Sex and the City movie and if anyone has watched it, the e-mail bit and the ending really got to me. I miss him, or at least, the good side of him.
Why can't I have that? I feel this immense pressure to show that I'm moving on and that I'm getting over him but sometimes it's really hard. I still think about him and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because everyone says how great I'm doing and how I've done the right by leaving. I don't want people to know that I still struggle sometimes. After that stupid movie, I just wanted to cry.
When I left, I still loved him. I don't know if I do anymore or not. I felt like I was making good progress, focusing on myself and what I wanted. I've hit a brick wall and I'm finding it difficult to tunnel through.
I wish I'd never watched that movie now
Can we ever get over the emotional pain that they caused?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Mr Big was not an alcoholic.
I know it hurts! You will have days like this. Push through the pain. Come on here like you did. You are grieving. What you are feeling is normal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, be gentle with yourself.
I know it hurts! You will have days like this. Push through the pain. Come on here like you did. You are grieving. What you are feeling is normal. Allow yourself to feel the pain, be gentle with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Hugs. One moment of nostalgia is not a major setback, it's a normal emotional reaction by a normal person.
I get little twinges of loneliness too. Not so much missing my ex, but once in a while I get that feeling of "why can't I have that?"
I let myself feel it, but I don't wallow. Lately I've been using the last third of a page in my morning journal to do a gratitude list because I'd noticed I was giving in to the "poor me" syndrome. That helped me a lot. Also looking forward to getting my boys back from their grandparents, with school starting I'll be too busy to be lonely (I hope).
I get little twinges of loneliness too. Not so much missing my ex, but once in a while I get that feeling of "why can't I have that?"
I let myself feel it, but I don't wallow. Lately I've been using the last third of a page in my morning journal to do a gratitude list because I'd noticed I was giving in to the "poor me" syndrome. That helped me a lot. Also looking forward to getting my boys back from their grandparents, with school starting I'll be too busy to be lonely (I hope).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
Hi Worried,
I know about those "relapses" as a friend of mine calls them. Everyone on here has been diligent in reminding me to be gentle with myself and I offer the same advice to you. I don't have good days yet, but I have good parts of the day and the good parts of the day is getting longer. There are going to be triggers that will pull you back to your sadness. That is part of healing process as well. You aren't alone and even if you have a hard moment doesn't negate all the positive progress that you are making.
Think about it this way, if you didn't have those moments of sadness and regret about what might have been, then you wouldn't really being processing your feelings and then you wouldn't be healthy. This too shall pass. That is what I keep telling myself and it is getting easier every day.
As for the "why can't I have that?", I think the answer is that you can- and you know that you deserve it, which is why you have made healthy choices to move forward. Chin up! Hugs.
Allie
I know about those "relapses" as a friend of mine calls them. Everyone on here has been diligent in reminding me to be gentle with myself and I offer the same advice to you. I don't have good days yet, but I have good parts of the day and the good parts of the day is getting longer. There are going to be triggers that will pull you back to your sadness. That is part of healing process as well. You aren't alone and even if you have a hard moment doesn't negate all the positive progress that you are making.
Think about it this way, if you didn't have those moments of sadness and regret about what might have been, then you wouldn't really being processing your feelings and then you wouldn't be healthy. This too shall pass. That is what I keep telling myself and it is getting easier every day.
As for the "why can't I have that?", I think the answer is that you can- and you know that you deserve it, which is why you have made healthy choices to move forward. Chin up! Hugs.
Allie
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philly burbs, NJ
Posts: 99
I understand, although I have no idea about the movie or its ending lol. Yesterday after I saw my RAH at church (which might be a mistake--I think I might have to change churches, but that involves missing friends and acquaintances there) I had a full-out sobbing breakdown. He's really down. I'm really down. While drinking precipitated the final episode in our marriage, it's not the most serious issue.
If I allow him back, I lose the respect and possibly the physical presence of my adult children. If I don't, we're both miserable and I worry about him all the time. If I do, I'll be miserable because honestly, I'm enjoying having him gone--when I'm not crying about it.
Obviously, I have no idea what I really think or want.
If I allow him back, I lose the respect and possibly the physical presence of my adult children. If I don't, we're both miserable and I worry about him all the time. If I do, I'll be miserable because honestly, I'm enjoying having him gone--when I'm not crying about it.
Obviously, I have no idea what I really think or want.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Worried and Golden A,
I always thought love was something you gave and built a relationship with the one you connected with. But I am starting to learn that love remains within you. It is.
You may not be with the one you built the relationship with, but your love remains with you. You can love from a distance. You can honor that relationship by grieving it. In the case if Golden Apple, love your family and grand kids and friends. I hope you get strong enough not to leave your church, but it would understand why. Worried, it is OK to grieve what was and work through the relationship. It may help you grow and recognize what will come next for you.
But the love is still within each of you. It is not gone or wasted or lying fallow. It is.
I always thought love was something you gave and built a relationship with the one you connected with. But I am starting to learn that love remains within you. It is.
You may not be with the one you built the relationship with, but your love remains with you. You can love from a distance. You can honor that relationship by grieving it. In the case if Golden Apple, love your family and grand kids and friends. I hope you get strong enough not to leave your church, but it would understand why. Worried, it is OK to grieve what was and work through the relationship. It may help you grow and recognize what will come next for you.
But the love is still within each of you. It is not gone or wasted or lying fallow. It is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
Thanks everyone 
I allowed myself to feel crappy for the day (even though I had a lovely co-worker who kept checking up on me) and then picked myself up again.
iamthird - you're right, Mr Big was not an alcoholic - a stupid comparison really! But he is damn fine :P
I will love from a distance but from our last and very brief conversation, he seems to be fine and has "nice things" happening for him. So I have nothing to worry about then!
I allowed myself to feel crappy for the day (even though I had a lovely co-worker who kept checking up on me) and then picked myself up again. iamthird - you're right, Mr Big was not an alcoholic - a stupid comparison really! But he is damn fine :P
I will love from a distance but from our last and very brief conversation, he seems to be fine and has "nice things" happening for him. So I have nothing to worry about then!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
