stuckinfear

My AH finally went to outpatient rehab last yr after about 8 yrs of my begging. At first it was just for show, but by the end he seemed to really get it and admit he was an alcoholic. He is what I call "high functioning". Never affected work, etc. he is very successful professionally, has tons of friends and great family. The nasty part of him only showed to me, mostly. Anyway, even after rehab I really didn't care. He had done so many hurtful things, I was over it. But for my daughter I stayed. And we had a few good months. Then he started ordering one drink at dinner. Was never more than one. I freaked out and he promised to stop. Never did. Then started finding the vodka bottles again. NO. that was it. Not going back there again. Started my plan to save money and make an escape plan. So I really quit saying anything about the drinking bc in my mind I was done. Oddly he really rarely drinks,maybe once every wk or two. But a few wks ago he had a few and embarrassed me in front of friends. Told him that was it. Of course again I am the crazy, and he really doesn't have a problem. Can someone proclaim they r alcoholic, then change their tune and drink socially?
I have filed for divorce and waiting for papers. As soon as I went to attorney, he starts being the sweet doting husband. Makes it so hard when he is in nice mode. Help me stand my ground. Need some reassurance I am doing right thing.

suki44883

If you don't want to live with a drinker, then yes, you are doing the right thing. Whether or not he is an alcoholic, his behavior when he is drinking is unacceptable to you. You don't have to live with it.

Chances are good that he has a drinking problem since he realizes how you feel about it yet continues to drink. Chances are also good that he won't be able to monitor his drinking, but then, does that really matter? When he drinks, he treats you badly.

Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable, regardless of why it is happening. Sounds to me like you are doing the right thing for you.

mauihope

The Mr. nice guy gets us. Nice words every so often to keep us hooked, thinking this will be the time that it sticks....not a way to live. Stay strong and do what you have to do....
peace

Hawkeye13

Moderation doesn't work for alcoholics in my opinion
It certainly doesn't work for me, as a recovered alcoholic
Nor did it work for my mother, who never could safely be relied upon to stop at one
or be civil to people around her when she drank.

So, I think you are doing the right thing.
Abuse of alcohol will increase,
Mr. Nice Guy will leave the building.

Stay strong.

EmmyG

My separated AH does this. He will have a big episode where he drinks way too much. For a couple months, one time a YEAR, he was resigned to the fact that he "can't drink a drop." Then sure enough, he forgets how bad the last time was and tries "a couple glasses of wine" or "two pints." That goes well a few times and he gets his confidence back. At times, so did I. I thought "Wow, maybe something changed this time." Nope. Because he never entered recovery properly, the problem is still there. A night always comes along where he can't moderate and then all hell breaks loose. I personally can't play that game anymore. I can't take him seriously anymore when he says "never again" because his actions don't go along with that.

redatlanta

Its progressive. What he is doing right now is not indicative of what it will be like in a month, or two or a year.

To my knowledge there is no moderation. In my experience with RAH sober 10 year before relapse he went from one, to two, to however many he could drink. Think that was over about 10 months. He used to point out when I think he really was only drinking one or two that a REAL alcoholic wouldn't be able to do that. Uh huh.

Of course I never really knew how much he was drinking because what he showed me and what he was really drinking were different amounts.

If he relapses again its over.