Sister's BF might have a alcohol problem, but not sure how to handle it?
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Sister's BF might have a alcohol problem, but not sure how to handle it?
Hello, I was hoping to get some advice for my sister. I am really worried about her and her BF.
She said she found out tonight her BF has a drinking problem and has been stealing alcohol and lieing to my sister for at least a year if not longer. He claimed to having anxiety/getsick/other problems/feel weird alot of time. My sister thought nothing of it and was supportive of the situations, but she found out he has most likely been stealing alcohol from their own cabinet and their friends. Now she has reasons to believe he has lied to her this entire time really being drunk most times he didn't "feel well", but he didn't want to admit it(or maybe didn't believe it himself?). He blamed my sister for the alcohol disappearing. My sister, trusting him, believed what he said and thought she was the one drinking all the alcohol(my sister has a very high tolerence, but she isn't what i would consider addicted).
The guy unfortunately as expected is very defensive when my sister tried to confront him. He denies having a drinking problem at all, and is telling my sister she is making it up and just slandering his name. (My sister only confided this to me and the friends she is staying with right now.) My sister is second guessing herself not sure if she is making it up or not or maybe just being paranoid.
I am not sure how to advise her, she really loves this guy, but neither of us has ever dealt with anyone with a serious addiction or a problem to the point of being in completely denial.
If there's anyway we can help my sister's BF? Or is there anything i can do to at least help my sister through this?
Thank you so much for any help or advice you can offer me.
She said she found out tonight her BF has a drinking problem and has been stealing alcohol and lieing to my sister for at least a year if not longer. He claimed to having anxiety/getsick/other problems/feel weird alot of time. My sister thought nothing of it and was supportive of the situations, but she found out he has most likely been stealing alcohol from their own cabinet and their friends. Now she has reasons to believe he has lied to her this entire time really being drunk most times he didn't "feel well", but he didn't want to admit it(or maybe didn't believe it himself?). He blamed my sister for the alcohol disappearing. My sister, trusting him, believed what he said and thought she was the one drinking all the alcohol(my sister has a very high tolerence, but she isn't what i would consider addicted).
The guy unfortunately as expected is very defensive when my sister tried to confront him. He denies having a drinking problem at all, and is telling my sister she is making it up and just slandering his name. (My sister only confided this to me and the friends she is staying with right now.) My sister is second guessing herself not sure if she is making it up or not or maybe just being paranoid.
I am not sure how to advise her, she really loves this guy, but neither of us has ever dealt with anyone with a serious addiction or a problem to the point of being in completely denial.
If there's anyway we can help my sister's BF? Or is there anything i can do to at least help my sister through this?
Thank you so much for any help or advice you can offer me.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
At this point the focus should solely be on your sister.
There is no helping an alcoholic, they have to want to stop and then devote 24/7 to their own recovery.
Aside from the alcohol, does your sister really want to be with someone who has lied to her for the entire duration of their relationship?
Your sister doesn't even truely know this guy and he could be a whole different person when or if he ever sobers up.
Look up "gas lighting" and then ask your sister if this is what she wants out of a partner and out of life.
Alcoholism is a life long battle and relapse will always be just one bad decision away.
I would NOT focus on him or getting him help. I would be encouraging HER to seek help and counseling to help her end this dysfunctional relationship.
There is no helping an alcoholic, they have to want to stop and then devote 24/7 to their own recovery.
Aside from the alcohol, does your sister really want to be with someone who has lied to her for the entire duration of their relationship?
Your sister doesn't even truely know this guy and he could be a whole different person when or if he ever sobers up.
Look up "gas lighting" and then ask your sister if this is what she wants out of a partner and out of life.
Alcoholism is a life long battle and relapse will always be just one bad decision away.
I would NOT focus on him or getting him help. I would be encouraging HER to seek help and counseling to help her end this dysfunctional relationship.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2
Atalose,
Thank you for your help and advice. I think you are right. I will definitely focus on my sister and get her any help she may need. She has agreed to end the relationship, and from what you've said i am happy she is now going to move on.
I only hope the best for her ex, but thankfully we will no longer be having to deal with his issues and denial.
Thanks again.
Thank you for your help and advice. I think you are right. I will definitely focus on my sister and get her any help she may need. She has agreed to end the relationship, and from what you've said i am happy she is now going to move on.
I only hope the best for her ex, but thankfully we will no longer be having to deal with his issues and denial.
Thanks again.
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