suncatcher

In recent posts I said how axbf has been calling more since I have detached from him. So for some reason I decided to drive the hour to hang out with him. We talked about nothing in particular, I had a few beers and then he went and passed out like he always does. I usually sleep there since I have a far drive plus drink a few beers. So I'm sleeping and I have this horrible nightmare. It was like revisiting some scary place and I felt this uneasy unhappy feeling in my dream. Then I woke up here at his house and wished I would have stayed home where I feel peaceful and safe. Strange...nothing bad happened last night but it's like my mind and my soul know I just really don't want to be around him anymore. What makes me come here still sometimes? The dream was all about things from past anxieties and fears. Can't wait to be back home and stay there....sorry if this sounds crazy. Maybe is like ptsd of some sort. Thanks for reading.

Windancer

Id say listen to your intuition!

Ursula745

What makes you not want to be around him?

suncatcher

Ursula I wish I knew. I think because he was what was familiar for so long. I feel happier not being around him but every once in a while I think I can come see him. We are on friendly terms I've known him and his family all my life. I just feel negative energy or something when I'm around him now. I know that might sound strange.

suncatcher

Has anyone else ever turned this corner with your A? Someone you thought you always wanted to be around becomes someone you just don't want to be around?

redatlanta

I would say your fog is lifting or has lifted. His behavior is disgusting you and you get that "ick" feeling when you enter back into it.

You are growing and he is standing still.

Ursula745

Doesn't sound strange. Sounds like your answer to that question is pretty definitive. Do you want to keep feeling that negative energy? If not, think about this the next time you get the urge to see him. Not worth the negative energy.

biminiblue

You say you had a few beers.

Maybe if you cut back on your own drinking you will have more control over your emotions. A few beers that cause you to stay over doesn't sound all that healthy to me.

When I break up with people, I don't remain "stay over" friends with them. Just me.

HealingWillCome

Sometimes it takes that kind of experience to reaffirm what you already know. It makes the final disconnect that much easier.

As for why you keep going back? That waits to be discovered, I think. Those answers are inside of you...I think they're a little different for each of us. For me, I was trying to find someone like my alcoholic father who had abandoned us. It was all very much on a subconscious level. I needed counseling to connect with what should have been obvious to me but wasn't. I was looking for healing through the wrong person (him) when I should have been looking for it in myself.

FireSprite

^This, IMO, nails it. When one gets healthier & the other continues to slide in the opposite direction, the distance between you just keeps increasing.

Sun, I'd honestly say it's really very clear..... your gut instincts are telling you everything that your eyes & ears aren't necessarily detecting, which is pretty cool honestly. Sometimes we think we are waiting for BIG FLASHING NEON signs to tell us which way to adjust our sails in this journey, but in truth our HP's tend to speak in much more subtly stated ways, like your dream.

JMHO. Hope you are feeling better today!

suncatcher

I had two beers. I stay there because of the hour drive back home and I sleep on the couch if I do stay. And we are not stay over sleep over friends..He is too drunk to have an intimate relationship with so it's not that reason I go there just to clarify. Ick factor there too lol.

suncatcher

Ursula, when I first read your question and responded I thought you asked what makes me want to be around him? I just saw that you asked what makes me NOT want to be around him. Thing is I'm finding my reasons for not wanting to be around him are outweighing my reasons for wanting to be around him. I think like firesprite said, my HP is at work here. Redatlanta hit the nail on the head also. I appreciate everyone's responses. It's sad I think when we know that distance is expanding wider and wider. It's also freeing for the codie like myself. My codie self questions things and has to go back to confirm things.