dtc76

Having spent 2 days here reading peoples stories I finally made the break. I was close to it anyway but reading the stories here gave me the strength to make the move. I realised that no matter how **** I feel I am luckier than most on here as my partner doesn't live with me and I do not have kids to him either.

That said, I can't stop crying, it is so hard when you still love them but as a very kind person on here said I have to put my own mental health first and after 5 years that is what I intend to do. The guilt may eat up, I mean what if he dies and he's alone? It breaks my heart into a billion pieces just thinking about it.

However, one thing I learnt on this forum is salvation comes from within and that not only applies to my ab but also to myself. He has to be ready to stop and he isn't. In the past he has managed to convince me each time he was sorry and each time would be different but the truth was each time was different because it got harder and harder.

I thought when he was arrested and imprisoned for DUI, (I thought this was rare and this forum put me right on that one lol), that would be enough but it wasn't and I hope by me walking away he will finally hit his rock bottom. However, if he doesn't I realise now it is not about whether he loves me enough or not, his addiction is about him and he can only beat it when he is ready and willing to beat it.

I want to thank each of you who shared your stories here with me as they have helped me enormously. I kept hoping against hope and now I know I have to grieve and let go. If you love someone set them free and all that, though I am sure whoever coined this phrase wasn't in a relationship with an addict lol!

I also want to thank those of you who shared your stories of recovery and the many stories of truth that showed me how to spot and understand what my ab was doing/saying. It was actually this that made me finally realise I have being hearing what I wanted to hear and believing it so badly because I loved him so much.

Lastly, I read a story here about a lady who's ah got trashed and embarrassed her, I cried and cried when I read this. The shame we carry as partners/loved ones of addicts is a hard cross to bare. I felt a connection with her as I have walked miles for alcohol for my ab when he was too ill to go himself and I did this because, apart from the fact that he would have been very ill if I'd refused, the people in my local area had begun to notice how much whiskey I bought each day! In a way it is funny as they must have wondered how the hell I could walk straight nevermind buy whiskey lol! Funnyness aside, I felt this ladys shame, been there and done that but as far as I'm aware I have managed to keep my family away from it and I never want them to be exposed to this which was only a matter of time. I want to send this lady love and peace, I hope you too can find a way out.

I hope by sharing my story someone out there will feel less alone, like I did after coming here and reading your stories. Sorry for the 10 hour lecture, I promise to try to limit my posts to 100 words or less from now on lol!

''...However difficult life may be, what matters is that you don't just give up.'' Stephen Hawking.

honeypig

Welcome to SR, and thanks for telling your story. You are so right, that is EXACTLY how we help each other here. That moment when you realize you are not alone, you are not nuts, there really is a problem (and you are not it!) and, most important of all, there is help, is just priceless.

Please keep on reading and posting, and don't worry about the length--there's no charge for posts over 100 words here!!

dtc76

Thank you Honeypig, I couldn't put it into words the comfort I got from everyone here. This forum has given me hope for the future and I am impressed by addicts and non-addicts alike. Finally, I have found a forum where people try to help each

''You can cut all the flowers but you can't stop the spring from coming.''-Pablo Neruda.

dandylion

dtc---you ARE far ahead, already. It IS such a blessing that you don't have children together and that you are not married or live together.

You have done what it takes some others a very long time to be able to do.

While I do get it that you are hurting, right now----try to keep this in m ind: "Short-term pain for long--term gain".
No matter how bad you are hurting (and I know you are)...it won't kill you and it will go away (eventually).
Trying to live with a drinking alcoholic is constant pain which only gets worse and worse and never ends.

There are lots of things that you can do to help yourself get through this and on to a brighter future.

Glad you came her to share with us!

dandylion

dtc76

Dandylion, it has taken me 5 years to get out as I have always known, if I am honest, that while he drank we could never have a future together. I felt trapped too, the poor guy found his dad dead and that sent his drinking to whole new level. I was torn between doing the right thing and kicking a man I love whilst he was at his lowest ebb. That said, I have given him 4 years to at least try to deal with his grief and I have detoxed him more times than I care to remember. I have to be honest though, the main reason I stayed was because, and this is where the forum really helped, I didn't want to have to let go of what I percieved to be my future and because I loved him, he's my soulmate and not just an alcoholic. Sadly, I have to admit that in 5 years he was either drinking to oblivion or detoxing whilst we were together and that really isn't a healthy and equal realtionship. I am hurting I am utterly devestated but I will take your advice and think of the longterm gain and I will be coming here to gain strength and hopefully to reach out to others.
Thank you once again Dandylion for your kind words and advice...

Hugs