Left my house, want to see AW recover
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 113
Left my house, want to see AW recover
We have been married 8 months, there were obvious red flags that I missed when dating for a short time. In the 8 months we have been married me and my in laws have stepped in 3 times when her drinking has gotten way out of control.
The drinking spiraled again and this was the last straw as I told her I can't live here while she is drinking and she got mad and threw things at me so I left. My SD left as well and I took her to a friends house. We are going to an al-anon meeting tomorrow night and looking forward to it.
She promises she won't drink again but she wants to do it on her own and I told her that doesn't work for me and there needs to be real recovery. I will help her anyway I can to get better but I need to see from her that she wants to do it and can take charge of her own recovery.
Feeling a little guilty today, kind of angry with her and want to keep some space until some real recovery happens. She doesn't want to hear that of course but it's how I feel. Really needing some support right now to stay strong against this ugly disease. Thanks for listening.
The drinking spiraled again and this was the last straw as I told her I can't live here while she is drinking and she got mad and threw things at me so I left. My SD left as well and I took her to a friends house. We are going to an al-anon meeting tomorrow night and looking forward to it.
She promises she won't drink again but she wants to do it on her own and I told her that doesn't work for me and there needs to be real recovery. I will help her anyway I can to get better but I need to see from her that she wants to do it and can take charge of her own recovery.
Feeling a little guilty today, kind of angry with her and want to keep some space until some real recovery happens. She doesn't want to hear that of course but it's how I feel. Really needing some support right now to stay strong against this ugly disease. Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Hugs to you! I left my ABF of 4 years Sunday. I told him I'm returning tomorrow. I don't want to, I need some space.
He has been going to AA meetings since I left (but, its only Thursday so....) and has drank anything from what I can tell. We are supposed to go to a meeting together tonight (alanon suggested..) and I can tell he is already trying to get out of it.
If he doesn't go, I don't see myself returning tomorrow. It will be hard, our daughter's birthday is Monday and then we are going to the beach next week as well. But is there a good time?
I'm sorry you are going through this. Don't give into her as easily as I have. Sometimes you do have to think of yourself!
He has been going to AA meetings since I left (but, its only Thursday so....) and has drank anything from what I can tell. We are supposed to go to a meeting together tonight (alanon suggested..) and I can tell he is already trying to get out of it.
If he doesn't go, I don't see myself returning tomorrow. It will be hard, our daughter's birthday is Monday and then we are going to the beach next week as well. But is there a good time?
I'm sorry you are going through this. Don't give into her as easily as I have. Sometimes you do have to think of yourself!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 113
Thanks Dandylion, it's very difficult to go through this and I'm glad I found this site even if I mostly read others' stories. I love her a lot and it's hard to stand strong with all the phone calls about not wanting to be alone, and the promises that most likely will be broken. I just want to see effort from her that she cares, that may not happen and I understand that. One day at a time. Thanks for the support!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 66
I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
Good for you for leaving and don't feel guilty. You did the best thing for YOU!
I dated my AH for 7 months before we were married. I found out about his alcoholism and addiction just 2 short months into our marriage. I had NO idea. He hid it very well. I kicked him out 4 months into our marriage and he was sober until 1 week ago. Tossed away ~600 days of sobriety.
This is my second marriage and we have no kids together but I have 2 from my previous marriage. I need to protect them. I am in the process of deciding of whether or not to leave. I have such short amount of time invested in this relationship and I am only 37.
You will find lots of support here. I know I have in the few days I've been here.
Good for you for leaving and don't feel guilty. You did the best thing for YOU!
I dated my AH for 7 months before we were married. I found out about his alcoholism and addiction just 2 short months into our marriage. I had NO idea. He hid it very well. I kicked him out 4 months into our marriage and he was sober until 1 week ago. Tossed away ~600 days of sobriety.
This is my second marriage and we have no kids together but I have 2 from my previous marriage. I need to protect them. I am in the process of deciding of whether or not to leave. I have such short amount of time invested in this relationship and I am only 37.
You will find lots of support here. I know I have in the few days I've been here.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome HockeyErik! Sounds like you are learning super quick! Way quicker than I did.
Lots of great info and people here on SR. Space to deal with your feelings and for her to consider a self-driven recovery is an excellent idea.
Blossom dear, if you think you should hold off going back - then I think you should. Please follow your instincts (small voice in your head, butterflies in your gut, etc).
Lots of great info and people here on SR. Space to deal with your feelings and for her to consider a self-driven recovery is an excellent idea.
Blossom dear, if you think you should hold off going back - then I think you should. Please follow your instincts (small voice in your head, butterflies in your gut, etc).
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 113
Thank you everybody! I feel like I have a bunch of new friends.
The good news is I have my families support and her parents support, who have dealt with this much longer than I. The worst part is her 14 year old step daughter, who found her passed out on the floor yesterday is fed up with her moms behavior but her mom thinks she's fine and has no problems with her drinking. Praying for the best outcome and hope she can think for herself a little and realize that she will be alone if this continues.
The good news is I have my families support and her parents support, who have dealt with this much longer than I. The worst part is her 14 year old step daughter, who found her passed out on the floor yesterday is fed up with her moms behavior but her mom thinks she's fine and has no problems with her drinking. Praying for the best outcome and hope she can think for herself a little and realize that she will be alone if this continues.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Welcome Hockeyerik, sorry for your situation but I'm sure you'll benefit from the great resources here at SR.
If you haven't already looked into it, your SD may also benefit from Alateen instead of just Al-Anon meetings. I'm sure they can provide you with that info at tomorrow's meeting. Good luck & keep reading & posting!
If you haven't already looked into it, your SD may also benefit from Alateen instead of just Al-Anon meetings. I'm sure they can provide you with that info at tomorrow's meeting. Good luck & keep reading & posting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 113
The meeting we are going to tomorrow night offers ala-teen so that is exciting. She has been through so much and is a bit of a quiet kid. Although she actually stood up to her mom for the first time last night about her drinking so I am hoping she will be comfortable in the meeting. Does she go into the meeting alone or can her grandpa accompany her? I know I need to be in with the adults for me so I can't be with her. Thanks for the replies. 
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
I am happy that you see the red flags now and not years into your marriage. I am sorry for your hurt and all that it does to the family. I am so glad you are there for your step daughter as well as she needs that support, as an active alcoholic is no support at all. Sending you thoughts as you are setting healthy boundaries for your family....
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Hockey - I'm not positive about the alateen meetings, at her age she's likely to be just fine on her own but I can't imagine that her gramps would be UNwelcome either. Great idea for him to accompany her for the 1st meeting to make sure she is comfortable though!
(Where's Hammer when you need him? He's always full of great info about the Ala-groups
)
(Where's Hammer when you need him? He's always full of great info about the Ala-groups
)
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