kkallday21

He texted me saying how sorry he was and that he hates the disease and that truly deserve better.. Right away I felt sorry for him, not me How sick am I that I never think of myself and always put others first... Then a half an hour later I get a call from a number I don't recognize and its his friend telling me that I have to get back with him and he feels terrible for what he has done ... I'm such a mess right now.. please help me.. I'm so sad

ladyscribbler

Can you get to an Alanon meeting tonight? That is a great way to put your focus back on you. Also maybe shut off your phone for the night. Sounds like a lot of unnecessary stress and drama for you.
If he was really sorry he'd take his sorry behind to an AA meeting or rehab, not enlist his friends to help him harass you.

SeriousKarma

Hon, you don't have to do anything. It's not right for anyone to pressure another person into a relationship. And now he's got his friends doing it as well!?! That's not ok. He's not your responsibility. I'm so sorry. Keep coming here for support.

killerinstinct

Oh kk... I'm lost for words.. Has this happened before.

dandylion

kkallday---I remember my children---when I told them no about something....would get their friends to come and ask me on their behalf. Of course, the answer still remained "NO".

Lady scribbler's words speak the truth, I think.

Do not let the whining of an alcoholic who is not willing to reach out for help derail you.. It leads to nothing but more heartache.

dandylion

iamthird

My separated AH has done this many times. He may be sincere and if he is then he will take steps and find his own recovery. He would go strong a few weeks and expect immediate results from me then we would always end up back at square one and I feel so guilty I took kids along with us for that ride! Just tread lightly. Always extreme promises of change, epiphanies, etc...I am not discounting his desire but you will see sincerity over time. Guard your heart.

Fandy

you said you have done this twice before...you wanted him gone. you do not need this crapola and neither does your child who needs a stable responsible parent.

Tell him to call you when he has 6 months sober and you guys can "talk" I bet it will never happen.

FireSprite

I would call it outright manipulation & an attempt at passive-aggressive bullying via a friend. Like others have pointed out, his actions will show you his real agenda, not his words. Quack!

BlueChair

I dont think you can assume it was a conspiracy with the friend. maybe the friend took it upon himself to call you thinking he could help in some way, or show you what he sees, a different perspective.

Hawkeye13

"Actions and not words" and "Time will reveal more" are sayings around here for good reason.

Don't just jump back in because you feel guilty.

Trust your instincts.

kkallday21

Thank you all... I did not respond.. It was a rough night but I pulled through.. Thank you for reminding me the importance on giving this time... It's so much easier to just jump back in, but if you do that cycle, the ride never ends.. I just can't believe how strong this disease really is.. His and Mine.. I'm addicted just as well.. I've really been working my Alanon program, using all my tools, praying and reaching out.. I have to remind myself every minute that I deserve better.. Thank you for believing that too... xoxox

marie1960

Just because we desire someone does not mean they can/ will add value to our life.

Hugs to you sweetie. Keep believing in you, better days to come.

kkallday21

He texted me again asking if we can talk I cannot pick up.. This is always the hardest of times... I am going to journal about my feelings and hope that it helps.