Update and hope for Codie Mom's with kids
 

Hi all who may remember me.

I have not been on in quite some time. I actually am living my life and not so wrapped up in my XAH's BS, so I don't really feel the need to come on here lately. That is true movement forward.

As you may remember I was married to an alcoholic police officer for about 18 years. He drank very heavily the last 10 years of our marriage. He got so out of control when I left three years ago that I ended up having to get the courts involved and get a restraining order against him because he tried to use his vehicle as a weapon against the boys and I. We have been involved in a divorce that has been contested by him every step of the way. The court had to appoint an attorney for my boys. Not to frighten anyone thinking of filing but it was been in court for three years and is still not done. At the end of last year everything started blowing up in my X's face. His lies. He was missing visits. He ended up in the hospital for four days because of drinking. He was not functioning. He has going to lose the boys.

Well a miracle happened earlier this year. Something clicked for him. After the first of the year I did notice that he seemed different. He started going to all the boys practices and games along with the visits. The boys were really enjoying seeing him. While we were in court in June he and his attorney shocked everyone. His attorney said they wanted to address the elephant in the room and finally, finally, finally admitted that he had a drinking problem that had caused all the issues in his life. (He had blamed me for all the issues in every court document for years up to this point) He showed AA sign in sheets for months prior and said he had a sponsor.

He seems to not be drinking. I don't know how much more than that but his limited communication with me seems much more civil.

I am hesitantly hopeful for the boys. Now this means nothing for he and I, but I am so happy for my kids. They need him in their lives. I still think he is a narcissistic jerk but if he can keep it together for the visits, hell yeah I will take it. I am afraid that the fall may be great this time if he falls off the wagon and it would really break my boys hearts. But we could die in a crash tomorrow and darn it, I am going to enjoy this period of calm and not muck it down with worry of what might happen. Just keep my eyes open.

I have fought hard to find this calm in my life. I just hope that for the boys, he does the same.

I wanted to share for the people here who are new and feeling hopeless. When I started cruising the boards I was a mess of jello emotions. I hardly knew myself anymore. I just knew I wanted to keep my kids safe. They deserved better. I surrounded myself with people who cared and started asking others for help. I told the truth after living in lies for years. I got help.

We now live in a lovely house that is decorated super cute. My boys have lots of friends. Their grades have improved so much that they have been on honor roll every semester since we left. I got my older son a councilor and she has been wonderful helping him to interact with his Dad in positive ways that don't make it so scary. My health has improved. I feel like a new person. I have lost 70 pounds and run 4 miles a day and work out with weights. Don't underestimate the power of exercise in your life. Helps clear the mind of all the garbage. It helps with the ego to get called smokin' hot occasionally also after hearing how ugly you are for so many years from the man that was supposed to love and honor you. (Oh he looks now. Heehee.)

This is not the life I imagined for myself when I got married but I have created a good life for myself and my boys. I am proud of it. I am proud of myself.

Don't be afraid to take that first step towards a positive new life. Life was not meant to be like how you are living now.

4MyBoys

Thanks so much for the update. That's great news for you and your sons. Also congrats on the weight loss- I bet he looks! Lol.

Oh, so awesome to hear how you guys are doing and so great that he may be finding recovery. As you said, it will be good for the kids to have a sober dad. Thanks for the update, I remember most of what you've been through and it's so great to see how you're doing on the other side!

:cheer:cheer:cheer:cheer:cheer bus4mMyBoys.....OMG!! ..OMG!! I ABSOLUTELY do remember you....and have wondered how you and the boys were doing! I remembered how hard you struggled and how discouraged you felt, at times....but, you just kept going.....

I can hardly contain my joy for you!

You can imagine that there are other mothers and people reading this post that will receive inspiration from this post.

Thank you for taking the time to remember us!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

Woohooo!! So happy to hear this!!!

Beautiful!!! You are an inspiration. Thank you so much for posting this. I'm at the beginning of this road and you just gave me a lot of strength to keep going.

Thank you so much for sharing.
I am so glad to hear life is good.
At the end of the day all a lot of us want is for our kids & parents to have healthy relationships, it's a shame it takes so long before some parents realise this.
All the same, anytime is a good time.
As for you, keep on keeping on. :)

What a great message to encourage others to keep on moving forward.:You_Rock_

*****! Thanks for sharing. What a motivation for some of us here, things can and do change. So glad to hear how much better about yourself you feel, and how great the kids are doing.

:You_Rock_ What a GREAT update!!!!!

Delighted and so very touched to hear you strong and well!

What a great update! You are a smokin hot Rockstar!!!!

Excellent update -- I'm so happy to see your name!

It is so great to hear from you. I am so happy your EXAH is doing better. I remember at one point you talking about how sick and disheveled he looked while you were getting the stuff from the house. That is just fantastic for your boys and its great to hear they are thriving. You sound so healthy too. Keep up the great work and thanks for being an inspiration.

It sounds like peace has come to live in your home! I'm so happy that you and the kids are doing great.

Don't be a stranger, come back and visist.

Thanks Everyone!

I just wanted to post a positive message. I think many people who post on here and start to do well just go away. I wondered about many people I stopped seeing when I was on the boards regularly.

I cannot stress enough how much this board helped me. It truly helped me take the first steps for saving my own life. I think before I went on here, leaving was never an option. I thought I was stuck in the unhappy living hell and that would be all my life would be.

It has not been an easy journey. By the end of my marriage I was a shell of who I was when I first got married. I have had tons of counseling, I visited this site daily for a couple of years to keep myself strong but I just tried to remember that I and my kids were worth it. That just because my XAH said something did not mean it was true.

Ladies and Gentleman, if you are being abused by an alcoholic, verbally or physically, DO NOT STAY!! Make a plan, reach out to friends and family and start being honest about what has been happening and take that step and leave. Go no contact. Start over.

It is super scary. I get it. But I think when you live with an A for a long time your forget what life is supposed to feel like. I am alive again. Each day my kids and I say to each other, "Who is going to have a good day today?" and we all yell "I am!" You absolutely cannot have that living on eggshells with an A.

I forgot to add that the head of my work has asked me to take classes so I can be a peer counselor to the non 1st responder staff here at the department I work for. Really me? I guess when you have walked through hell and are still smiling at the other side people want to hear what you have to say. I'm kind of excited.

Take care everyone. I will still check in every once in a while. It is good for tune ups. It is weird but I really feel like I know some of you like close friends. I will miss you but I really hope I don't have to come back here regularly any time soon.

XOXO
4MyBoys

Thanks so much for these posts...what a wonderful update.

My AHnis in detox and my biggest hope is that he can sort himself so he can be some sort of father. Not so we can stay/ get back together.

It's good to know that others can do this.

Yay! I have been wondering about you! I'm so glad for you!!!!You are amazing!