she relapsed. again.
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she relapsed. again.
I have been with my girlfriend for a bit under a year and we live together. For the last 5 months, she has been trying to get sober using various methods including naltrexone, wellbutrin, antabuse and campral. Right now, she is on antabuse and campral. She was prescribed 250mg of antabuse but after about a month of sobriety while taking it daily, she complained of severe depression, mood swings and lack of sex drive. She decided that half a pill would be fine every night and has relapsed continuously. 5 days sober 1/2 days not 5 days sober 1/2 days not. I hate this cycle. I've told her that if she doesn't want to be sober and she wants to play games, we can't be together. I told her that no matter how much I love and adore her, (and I do. I have the strongest feelings for her that I've ever had for anyone.) the relationship won't work. I've told her that she should be working on being sober for herself and hopefully I am a big factor in her decision for a better life.
She has been sober mon-fri. Yesterday she told me that she is going to visit her family (about an hour and a half by train) and had plans to come home in the evening. She later texted that they wanted her to spend the night and she was going to do so. I knew at that moment that she had either started drinking or was going to. I asked her to please text me when she takes her antabuse so I'm not worried and she said she will. Texted her: "how are you?" around 1030 pm. Got a "I miss you." at 1150pm. Then at 2 am, I got an: "are you still up?" At 9 am I got an "I love you." I assume she is headed home since she has work in a couple hours.
I'm not an alcoholic but I find it hard to believe that someone who wants to get sober and is taking antabuse, cannot take an extra pill knowing they are going to be in a situation where they are more likely to drink. She has relapsed every single time she has gone to see her family. Maybe I'm being too close-minded and not understanding how difficult this is for her. I just hate this feeling. It is eating at me and I cannot sleep with even a thought of her drinking. I fell asleep around 130 and woke at 530. Her doctor told her that if antabuse is making her depressed, etc. then he can prescribe something to combat those side effects which I think is a great idea. It is obvious that she cannot continue on 125mg which allows her to drink 12-24 hours from her last pill.
I know I am co dependent. I know I should go to al-anon. I don't know why I haven't but this isn't the point. I would just like some help with how to approach this current relapse. I'm sorry if some of this doesn't make sense..I don't feel like I'm in the right state of mind at the moment. Thank you in advance.
She has been sober mon-fri. Yesterday she told me that she is going to visit her family (about an hour and a half by train) and had plans to come home in the evening. She later texted that they wanted her to spend the night and she was going to do so. I knew at that moment that she had either started drinking or was going to. I asked her to please text me when she takes her antabuse so I'm not worried and she said she will. Texted her: "how are you?" around 1030 pm. Got a "I miss you." at 1150pm. Then at 2 am, I got an: "are you still up?" At 9 am I got an "I love you." I assume she is headed home since she has work in a couple hours.
I'm not an alcoholic but I find it hard to believe that someone who wants to get sober and is taking antabuse, cannot take an extra pill knowing they are going to be in a situation where they are more likely to drink. She has relapsed every single time she has gone to see her family. Maybe I'm being too close-minded and not understanding how difficult this is for her. I just hate this feeling. It is eating at me and I cannot sleep with even a thought of her drinking. I fell asleep around 130 and woke at 530. Her doctor told her that if antabuse is making her depressed, etc. then he can prescribe something to combat those side effects which I think is a great idea. It is obvious that she cannot continue on 125mg which allows her to drink 12-24 hours from her last pill.
I know I am co dependent. I know I should go to al-anon. I don't know why I haven't but this isn't the point. I would just like some help with how to approach this current relapse. I'm sorry if some of this doesn't make sense..I don't feel like I'm in the right state of mind at the moment. Thank you in advance.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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You can't control her, you can't change her, and it's not your fault.
It is addiction. I wish you luck. AlAnon would be really helpful.
If she wants to drink she will, and it sounds like she is on a very self destructive path right now. Someone who takes Antabuse and drinks is flirting with danger.
It is addiction. I wish you luck. AlAnon would be really helpful.
If she wants to drink she will, and it sounds like she is on a very self destructive path right now. Someone who takes Antabuse and drinks is flirting with danger.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
You can't control her, you can't change her, and it's not your fault.
It is addiction. I wish you luck. AlAnon would be really helpful.
If she wants to drink she will, and it sounds like she is on a very self destructive path right now. Someone who takes Antabuse and drinks is flirting with danger.
It is addiction. I wish you luck. AlAnon would be really helpful.
If she wants to drink she will, and it sounds like she is on a very self destructive path right now. Someone who takes Antabuse and drinks is flirting with danger.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
You have said you cannot be with her if she drinks.
She is drinking, and you need to do what works for you.
That may be separating from her if she continues to use.
Telling her what to do won't work anyway, as you've found.
As you said, you cannot control her.
As a recovered alcoholic myself, I had to put not drinking as the most important
thing in my life. It doesn't sound like that is the case for her yet--
she may not be done, and so look to your own mental health for your next steps.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard when you love someone.
She is drinking, and you need to do what works for you.
That may be separating from her if she continues to use.
Telling her what to do won't work anyway, as you've found.
As you said, you cannot control her.
As a recovered alcoholic myself, I had to put not drinking as the most important
thing in my life. It doesn't sound like that is the case for her yet--
she may not be done, and so look to your own mental health for your next steps.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard when you love someone.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
You have said you cannot be with her if she drinks.
She is drinking, and you need to do what works for you.
That may be separating from her if she continues to use.
Telling her what to do won't work anyway, as you've found.
As you said, you cannot control her.
As a recovered alcoholic myself, I had to put not drinking as the most important
thing in my life. It doesn't sound like that is the case for her yet--
she may not be done, and so look to your own mental health for your next steps.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard when you love someone.
She is drinking, and you need to do what works for you.
That may be separating from her if she continues to use.
Telling her what to do won't work anyway, as you've found.
As you said, you cannot control her.
As a recovered alcoholic myself, I had to put not drinking as the most important
thing in my life. It doesn't sound like that is the case for her yet--
she may not be done, and so look to your own mental health for your next steps.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's so hard when you love someone.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by wishforsobriety
I know I am co dependent. I know I should go to al-anon. I don't know why I haven't but this isn't the point.
Your Wish-For-Sobriety starts with a firm grasp of the very difficult concept that it isn't your wish to make. It's hers.
Please consider going to a meeting. Many of us here have benefited so much from simply realizing that no true change was going to happen until we started changing ourselves. Alanon can help with that, but it's a process and doesn't happen overnight. You've already made the first step in recognizing that you're codependent. I think you'd be amazed at how beautiful your world can be if you continue down that path.
I'm glad your here.
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