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Grief (OT)

Old 07-11-2014, 04:52 PM
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DMC
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Grief (OT)

Hey all,

I just need a safe place to talk... This last month has been a bitch. I haven't posted in ages since my life had become pretty serene - I only have 3 more alimony payments to my XAH, I have a loving partner who is ring-shopping, and life is pretty good. Well, was.

Just about a month ago, my youngest brother suffered what we presume was an unintentional OD and died. I got the proverbial nightmare 3 am phone call... He was 31. Not a regular user of anything we were aware of, although his long-term girlfriend, practically common-law wife, somewhat-recent-ex had relapsed (had an opiate problem) and after they broke up, she ODed on heroin. This was about a year ago. He used to party pretty hard, and I know he used to indulge in a lot of prescription drugs, but hadn't really used recently as far as we knew. We don't think he did anything deliberately - he was healing, and had supposedly been clean, but was out at a bachelor party float-trip weekend with his best buddies and was found not breathing. Nothing anyone could do, and he died in the arms of our brother, also on the trip. We presume he OD'ed, although the autopsy and toxicology are taking a long time. Still, completely unexpected...

It's been a hell of a month.

My little (ha, not so little, formerly 17lb) black cat was diagnosed with lymphoma about 6 weeks ago after I noticed that he was losing weight. I had to put him down today as the symptoms were getting bad, and he was starting to really suffer. I've had him for 13 years since he was a kitten, and I'm not even a cat person. Hell, I thought my XAH, who was the cat person, would take our cats, but ultimately everything landed in my lap. No surprise, eh? Anyway, the weight of losing both is just crashing down on me tonight.

I think I just needed to get it out, and have that really long good cry... although it doesn't feel like it's been long since the last good cry. Wine and the Schinder's List soundtrack, yeah. And now my eyes are puffy and itchy again, and my head hurts, and I'm just so tired.

I swear, I am so tired of crying. I am certainly not over losing my baby brother, and now I see that darn cat everywhere... I thought my purse was him lounging on the counter earlier tonight. He was a pretty charismatic little guy. And I knew it was coming... it was basically a terminal diagnosis, and although chemo would have been an option, it would have merely delayed the inevitable. So I've basically run a kitty hospice for the last month, indulging him and alternately hoping the inevitable would hold off or hurry up.

Anyway, they're both at peace, wherever that is. Brother was an atheist, I'm fairly agnostic, and the cat, well, the cat just loved life and catnip. And had a good life. A damn good life, to be honest. And I just needed to tell someone that, I think. My brother was a cat person, and hopefully, they're together tonight.

Thanks for listening,
DMC
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Old 07-11-2014, 04:58 PM
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((((HUGS))))

I don't have any words of wisdom, just felt like you could use a huge, tight hug.
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Old 07-11-2014, 05:52 PM
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I'm so sorry DMC. I know how bad it hurts. I lost a younger brother too 12 years ago. He was also 31, died in motorcycle accident.

For me, it will never be okay that he's gone, but I have learned to be okay, and I know you will be too.

Hugs
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Old 07-11-2014, 07:05 PM
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I am terribly sorry! Please go gently with yourself.
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Old 07-11-2014, 07:51 PM
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I'm so sorry, DMC. ((((hugs))))
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Old 07-11-2014, 08:42 PM
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I'm very sorry. I don't know what to say. You're in my prayers.
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Old 07-12-2014, 02:23 AM
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DMC, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I'm close to my brother also and I can't imagine the pain of losing him; my heart goes out to you in your sorrow.

We had an ancient basset put down just a bit over 4 weeks ago, and I still step over the spot he used to sleep at the side of my bed. I still go to pick up 3 dog dishes instead of 2 when it's time for my other guys to eat. I can totally relate to you seeing your purse and thinking it was your feline friend. Again, my heart goes out to you.

Sending you hugs and wishing you some peace mingled w/your grieving to help you get thru it.
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Old 07-12-2014, 03:20 AM
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DMC, I'm so sorry. Losing a sib has to be one of the toughest things. So young.

And losing your kitty boy...I know how that is. You see them, hear them, and wonder.

Your brother was a cat person. A gentle soul. May he rest sweetly, and keeping your purrboy company in that beautiful peaceful light.

hugs and prayers,
chic
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Old 07-12-2014, 03:34 AM
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I'm really sorry for your losses. Take good care.
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Old 07-12-2014, 03:50 AM
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Somebody told me once that when we grieve for a loss, we're not only grieving that one but all the ones that came before, too. And, the older we get, the more losses we've had, and so the harder we grieve. I think that's sometimes why we can feel so, so sad. Not "out of proportion" because losing a brother, gosh, that's about as major as it gets. But, just that sometimes the pain is so deep, it feels as if it must be resonating with what's come before.

All we can do is just keep on day to day, knowing that happiness can and will someday return to our lives. I have faith in that.

Jane
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Old 07-12-2014, 03:52 AM
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My heart goes out to and i will say a prayer that you find peace. Your loved ones will never be gone because they will always be in your heart.

I have experienced an am experiencing grief but I know there is no problem a drink won't make worse
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