Another night
 

WEll, he finally went to sleep. I'm locked out of the bedroom again, twice this week now. Usually I use a phillips and take the lock off, but tonight I think I'll take the couch. I don't even want to be near him. He called in sick today ( he works for my father) so I will probably have to hear about it later. I thought maybe he was going to check into AA meetings, but I don't think that happened. Dinner was supposed to be ready, dishes done, bed made, but nothing. Last night I went to the grocery store after work and was home an hour and 15 minutes after my time off and caught holey heck for it. He probably thought I took off. He called my best friend looking for me. My sister-in-law called to find out when he would be by to pick up the furniture from his mom's he promised to pick up a month ago. She insisted on talking to him but when I said there was no way to wake him, I broke down crying. She has no use for her brother or what he's turned out to be. She too, as well as his brothers, has tried to help him but he swears no one is there for him. It angers her so. I told her I had made a step ( for me this is big) by joining these message boards and talking to people with the same problems. Now I just have to make another big step and put my children and myself first. I now know I have more support than ever. Thanks to all who replied yesterday. I sat there and read after the girls went to school and cried for 10 minutes. I never cry with him anymore. I am cold and sometimes uncaring. That's not usually me. I'm starting to hate the attitude I have lately. Sorry for rambling, but it helps me get to sleep at night when I get my thoughts off my chest.

Hi Savy, I can feel for you. It sucks to sleep separately from the person you love (and who's supposed to love you) but I guess that is a common trend amongst A's. My experience was the reverse; I didn't get locked out of the BR but rather my H literally spent an entire summer sleeping in his office (in another building on our property)- this was HIS choice, not mine. I cannot even remember all of the broken promises he has made, both drunk and sober, and now I am to the point where I take everything he says with a grain or more of salt. He would bitch so much about me wanting him to attend my family functions (his family lives far away and was highly disfunctional when he was growing up- his father was an A) that finally I stopped asking him to attend- I just pack up the kid and GO. Whenever I want to go somewhere, do anything of interest to me or our son, I just do it w/o my H because at least that way we get to do it. I just tell him (not that he cares all that much) hey, I want to go do this, I'm not gonna stop living MY life just because you stopped living yours- see ya later, don't wait up. You must feel very lonely and isolated and fed up- keep posting and find some diversions in your life to keep you from being buried alive in your A's misery...........you will find you have more strength than you think........God bless, MK

Savy, yes I, too, hated what I had turned into. And then I blamed him for turning me into that and was resentful for always being the nag and the bitch. Don't do this to yourself. Also - realize that whatever way you've become is because of your own decisions and choices. He made one choice - to drink. You have made many choices over the years. You don't need to continue to make the same choices. You can change. You can love life again and be joyful. You will arrive at a point where there is a shift inside of you in your relationship to him. Not necessarily hatred - but more a moving away - a feeling that it's time to think about you. Don't fight this. It's your ticket out. You've earned it. Love, Chi

Hey Savy, I want to offer my words to you, mainly to just let you know I understand what you are going through, as I am going through the same thing. I am no expert on all of this, because I am learning it all too. I just wanted to let you know I care and I am, and have been through where you are.

Love,
bonbon