Moments of kindness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Moments of kindness
So separated AH is just awful to me for the majority of the time. Those of you following my story know he has verbally, physically and emotionally abused me and still an active A currently with a girl he cheated on me with.
Well I mentioned a few weeks back to you all that I lost my job but was able to find one quickly. I had lost my job almost right after finding a landlord to work with my security deposit situation. My credit is horrible because I stopped paying everything over the past 2 years when I was battling the head/neck cancer. I will be filing bankruptcy next month because my medical bills are in excess of $200k...I make good money but there is no way I can recover from that financially without filing BK. Well my landlord split my security deposit into payments and although I can afford rent the security deposit payments are hard on me. The cancer is gone but I am still feeling the effects financially. Sadly it seems like things always come back to money.
Long story short I am not behind on rent but security deposit payments so landlord served me with 3 day notice. I have been flipping out stressing, praying, etc...I finally broke down and told separated AH today that we are looking to move in case DD6 mentions to him. He asked why and I gave him minimal details. Next thing I get was a phone call telling me he cashed out his 401k and its getting direct deposited within 3 business days and he will transfer it to me (we share same credit union) when he gets it. He forwarded me the email confirmation. He said he is giving it all to me and he hopes this will help me because he knows if he had been a better husband and father I would not be struggling the way I am.
It is so hard to hate him and detach when he shows moments like this. But I do remember these are only moments and he is also the same man who has abused me repeatedly. It is so hard when I see remnants of the man who used to take care of me. Dont worry everyone! I am not disillusioned or running back. Just had a sensitive moment today knowing that somewhere inside him he does love me, he just hates himself more. Ugh! What a walk this is friends!!!
Well I mentioned a few weeks back to you all that I lost my job but was able to find one quickly. I had lost my job almost right after finding a landlord to work with my security deposit situation. My credit is horrible because I stopped paying everything over the past 2 years when I was battling the head/neck cancer. I will be filing bankruptcy next month because my medical bills are in excess of $200k...I make good money but there is no way I can recover from that financially without filing BK. Well my landlord split my security deposit into payments and although I can afford rent the security deposit payments are hard on me. The cancer is gone but I am still feeling the effects financially. Sadly it seems like things always come back to money.
Long story short I am not behind on rent but security deposit payments so landlord served me with 3 day notice. I have been flipping out stressing, praying, etc...I finally broke down and told separated AH today that we are looking to move in case DD6 mentions to him. He asked why and I gave him minimal details. Next thing I get was a phone call telling me he cashed out his 401k and its getting direct deposited within 3 business days and he will transfer it to me (we share same credit union) when he gets it. He forwarded me the email confirmation. He said he is giving it all to me and he hopes this will help me because he knows if he had been a better husband and father I would not be struggling the way I am.
It is so hard to hate him and detach when he shows moments like this. But I do remember these are only moments and he is also the same man who has abused me repeatedly. It is so hard when I see remnants of the man who used to take care of me. Dont worry everyone! I am not disillusioned or running back. Just had a sensitive moment today knowing that somewhere inside him he does love me, he just hates himself more. Ugh! What a walk this is friends!!!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Thats a great relief.
Its a crazy walk, but he is right. My view is that i hope my X is the best person he can be bc he is my girls father. I still pray for him and know he is still human and CAN be a good person when he chooses.
I am glad he is helping you and you dont have that black cloud over you. I am also so glad you are well.
Tight hugs and wishes for good rest tonight!
Its a crazy walk, but he is right. My view is that i hope my X is the best person he can be bc he is my girls father. I still pray for him and know he is still human and CAN be a good person when he chooses.
I am glad he is helping you and you dont have that black cloud over you. I am also so glad you are well.
Tight hugs and wishes for good rest tonight!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
It can be difficult when that beautiful side comes through, the side that you knew was there anyway. I'm glad to see this though. It is a real person that steps up like this, especially in divorce.
Divorce is so bitter for most. It always boils down to with holding money and children. He should help you and he is. Now, you're feeling overwhelmed by that help or maybe it is relief.. who know, be thankful (I know you are) and since he is being so nice it is okay for you to express how very much you appreciate his help. You are strong- you can be just thankful1
Divorce is so bitter for most. It always boils down to with holding money and children. He should help you and he is. Now, you're feeling overwhelmed by that help or maybe it is relief.. who know, be thankful (I know you are) and since he is being so nice it is okay for you to express how very much you appreciate his help. You are strong- you can be just thankful1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
...and like clockwork...he hands me $3000 and in the very same day pushes me away...infuriating but it is what he has become. I would have romanticized the $3000 and thinking he wants to be back together and get his life together, win me over, etc...
And today, i have grown enough to know...it is what he is capable of. I am in a position of needing his help for my sake and my daughter's sake...I am taking it (Hammer) and leaving the rest!
And today, i have grown enough to know...it is what he is capable of. I am in a position of needing his help for my sake and my daughter's sake...I am taking it (Hammer) and leaving the rest!
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