seek

After many years, I have figured out why I can't depend on any family member. All of them are either alcoholics, "heavy drinkers," or dry drunks. I do not exaggerate! I keep "forgetting" this (most of them are "functional" and because society encourages partying and drunkenness - especially on holidays some of them can seem "normal" (and truly are normal in the official meaning of the word).

I had a bad injury occur the day after the Fourth of July. I posted it on FB - not one person contacted me - one "liked" my post and I spoke to one that evening - I told him I couldn't walk and he suggested I crawl. I texted with one the next day and she asked if I wanted a ride to the hospital (no, but the grocery store might have been nice).

I tend to feel very bad about myself because I am often treated badly and scapegoated by my family members. It is lonely being the only non-alcoholic or non-heavy drinker in the crowd (and I hope non-dry-drunk) . . .

Am just posting this to remind myself WHY I can't get the support one would expect from one's family. Everyone was busy partying (pics of drinks posted on FB) - when the party is on, nothing else seems to matter.

The person who told me to crawl is pretty much only self-motivated.

No one can be counted on.

LindaLou

Hi seek. I hope you are feeling better today. No disrespect intended, but it sounds like your family is consumed by their addictions. It can make people selfish and ignorant to the needs of others (that used to be me). Maybe you could find an Al-Anon group to talk to and make some sober friends who know what you're going through.

Hugs ((()))

NWGRITS

My AM's family mostly lives at the hardware store, too. I like it over here at the market. The options for dining are much better.

seek

I don't think I realized before that all of them were affected. I kept trying to make sense of the fact that they are "unavailable" - I blamed myself.

I am not an Alanon person - did it for six years.

I do need to find some kind of support, because it was very scary being so helpless (I am better now - I do believe that the "accident" happened for a couple of reasons - one as some karma - and two, to wake me up a little bit around this issue). I keep mourning the fact that I don't have a family - I have been doing this for YEARS. I can't seem to get it into my head!

LindaLou

I understand, I'm not a "group" type of person. Could never push myself to go to AA, so I just use this forum for support. Do you have any hobbies or passions? Maybe volunteer at an animal shelter or other organization?

Lenina

Seek, my immediate family is the same way. They are caught up in their own dramas or addictions and behaviors. I love them but know I cannot count on them to be there for me of I need them. my friends are far more likely to step in and help out.

love from Lenina

seek

I have a bunch of hobbies - it's not about filling my time, but filling my need for support and my idea of "family." I just HAVE to come to terms - and ACCEPT - that I effectively have no family. That's just the way it is.

I keep projecting good stuff onto them and then getting disappointed, over and over again.

I keep going to the hardware store for a loaf of bread.

Holidays are the worst, but getting hurt and having no one reach out to me was also very tough and made me realize how virtually alone I really am.

I would "be there" for any of them - but it's not reciprocal.