Am i doing the right thing...
 

He has come to take the kids out to the park and my mind is going crazy!!

Hes sober and im begining to doubt myself- am i doing the right thing by kicking him out??

He doesnt even seem bothered while im sat here trying to keep the tears in.

Take a deep breath. You don't have to decide anything right now. More will be revealed.

Iare you trusting your instincts???

This is just a moment in time compared to the bigger picture..... Will he stay consistent? i agree, give it time for more to be revealed & in the meantime, take some deep breaths, go for a walk, eat some chocolate ;), take a bubble bath. Just do something FOR YOU. ((((hugs))))

I am currently tempted to reconcile with ABF because I am very lonely and I miss our life together. Then I remind myself of why we broke up:

- the night-long disappearances after a *store-run* with eventual return totally wasted
- the drunk sleep peeing (a few times he literally peed on me)
- the drunk cooking
- the drunk threatening our apartment manager with a knife (he got very lucky with that one)
- the drunk talking about hurting the dog (he adores the dog and just wanted to get at me, but this one still hurts my heart and makes me very sad. I feel ashamed for even writing this)
- the drunk yelling, screaming, spitting in my face
- the drunk rage when my sister and my kids were visiting after I begged him not to drink while they were with us (their dad died of liver failure recently and I wanted them to get a break from alcoholism)
- the recent comment on the phone that he is going home for a *cold one* - there went all my hope that his recent detox and rehab actually worked
- the drunk a million other things....

Long story short, I make it a point to remember the bad times and why I separated from him when I start to doubt myself. I told him he needs to be at least a year sober and he has not been. So no.

Focusing on the bad can be a good thing. ;)

Kimmieh....sheesh....your list & my list almost the same. Spit on and peed on too. :( Letting the dogs run loose around the neighborhood. The weird stuff he would cook when he drank and leave a huge mess, use my good pots outside on a fire, etc.

That said, I had some of the best meals in my life with him as well. So many amazing memories. I know that man is just not there ...at least for me ...now. Too much trust is missing for me to be able to have real fun with him again. At least for a long time. And I am tired of wasting so much time on him and what he is going to do or wants. But I still miss him and I am not sure I wouldn't do it again.

But yes, it is better to focus on the bad. just heard there was such a thing as "financial" abuse. I can add it to my list too. :(

Thanks so much for your quick replies.

I think i was getting myself into a panic- im not sleeping and am soooo tired its unreal. Also we are planning on telling the kids tonight and its all getting REAL and abit overwheming.

Problem is me like most partners remember the nice person and not the person lying, stealing and generally treating me like sh!t person and i guess when hes sober i see a glimp of the nice person.

Kimmieh, perfect advice - thank you! Thats exactly what i need to keep in my head.

Thing is do i tell thekids while feeling so emotional or wait until i feel stronger and less likely to cry? *when hes herei feel emtional but when hes not i feel okish- is this even normal??

tiredmum, it's very, very easy to find posts here from folks who've ended relationships w/A's and wish they had done so long ago. However, I don't know of one single post from a member who has REGRETTED ending that relationship in the long run. Granted, there is always a first time, but it sure doesn't seem to be a common occurrence!

What I usually see mentioned here for the minimum length of sobriety/recovery before considering starting or re-starting a relationship is a year. Your A is nowhere near that. As FireSprite said, this is just a moment in time, a blip in a much, much longer history of bad behavior and addiction. Wait until you've been shown something much more substantial before you start thinking about jumping back into the tiger's cage.

Short-term pain for long-term gain, tiredmum--you can do it. Hang on.

Edited to add, since you posted while I was typing my reply: "*when hes here i feel emtional but when hes not i feel okish- is this even normal??" Hmm, when you're not in the hurricane of active addiction, you feel better? That would seem TOTALLY normal to me! And I'd take it as a good sign.

Short-term pain for long-term gain

thank you- im going to make this my mantra