When does this get easier?
 

So I've detached myself and not done to bad. And I know it's for the best. Ab has a job! Which I know won't last long never does. The main reason for getting this job was to help towards the baby. But he's out running round town on weekends drinking the money and sleeping with another women. And it hurts I can't handle it. He won't admit to this but I'm no fool. I had to call him last night as I was in pain and the midwife said that baby would be sooner than later. So I thought best to keep him updated. He didn't answer! Just sent a text saying he was watching football. I don't believe this. Why cheat and lie why can't he just walk away? I guess in a way I feel betrayed as she's getting the best from him while I get all the rubbish. It's not fair I sit here struggling and he's having a great time. I'm so mad today I needed to rant.....sorry. :c004:

Do you mean when does it get easier to live w/an active A? When does it get easier to live w/the lack of respect, the lying, the cheating? I don't know that it really does, ever...and I'm sorry you're being treated so badly.

In your previous thread, people listed some ideas and some resources that might be useful for you. Have you checked into some of those things? Are you doing something to help yourself besides detaching? What kind of progress are you making, regardless of the A's behavior?

In Alanon, they say "Nothing changes if nothing changes." He surely doesn't seem like he's interested in any kind of recovery and has changed nothing. That means it's pretty much up to you to make the changes you want to see, however unfair that might seem.

Take care of you and the rest will fall into place. Hang in.

Is going to bars to get drunk with an alcoholic really "getting the best of him?" Doesn't sound like you are missing anything important....
Many drunks who lose a relationship due to their drinking make a big show of their new freedom. My ex did. Soon enough his new GF (also an alcoholic) also kicked him out. As did the one after that. Both of these women were smarter than me in putting up with him for much less time than I put in. Currently he's homeless and unemployed.

Luckily I don't live with him and wouldn't. It's just hurtful I guess to be treated with lack of respect. But yes I have made changes in my life. I've pushed my training for a better job and looking after me and the kids first. I think it's more of a case for me that he seems to be enjoying himself and I'm sitting frightened about the birth of our daughter and trying to juggle everything else as well as hormones.

^ Right I know what you mean. I'm paying for my kids' college and trying to help one with depression and he was off meeting women on match dot com literally the day after he left. But that's because he is an emotionally stunted human being....what goes around comes around. All of his so-called adventures have been little more than speed bumps on his downward slide.

You do realize, whether he's got a woman or not, he doesn't care about anything or anyone but himself and the alcohol. That will trump everything in his life, including his children. Alcoholics don't care about anything but their next drink and if it's with another woman or in front of the tv, then all is well. They have their drink.

" why can't he just walk away?"

Why can't you?

You and your baby deserve so much more than this.

I understand how you are feeling. My abf lived with me. For the past several weeks things have gotten worse - everything....our fights, his drinking, his not being able to work, his sleeping more, and of course.......the worst (imo) -- another woman. This isn't his first he did this. I forgave w/o asking him to move every time but once. I always asked him why he just didn't move out and then have the affair. Or move out now if that is what he wanted. Working towards our relationship would always be damaged even after I forgave him because I no longer felt the desire to be intimate with him. I didn't want to catch anything and also wanted him to really want to pursue me and make me feel important. I think he thought just his being here should make me feel that way. My trust in him was gone too and I felt it was up to him to gain it back. he never wanted to "work" toward that because it is not "fun."

His way of seeing it "I was drunk, I would have never been with her if I wasn't drinking or wanting to drink more." That never made me feel better because he is drunk most of the time so how could trust him most of the time. Later he used the excuse "I had to get away because you were bitching and arguing with me all the time." And that just wanted to make me bitch and argue more!!!

Now Dodge, that is just me venting. I feel bad you are having to deal with all this - plus with a baby involved. Do you have friends and family to help you? It doesn't seem you can count on him. My guy would always lie to me ...even when it was so freakin' obvious, such a see-thru lie. Then he would get angry for me calling him a liar!!!! What is that about?!!? The lies were insulting because I felt he thought I was that stupid that he could just lie about whatever and I better be ok with it. Just hurtful things.

Thank you for all the replays. I know I have to rid myself of him but I feel so downtrodden by it all I don't feel I have the strength right now. Every morning I wake up and feel like a black cloud is following me about all day.