Holidays are Horrid Right now!
 

Whenever holidays approach these days I go through a dark time. I get so mad because I dont have a close family of origin so now that AH and I have been separated I am either alone or it is just her and I missing him...I know it wont always be like this. I just get so angry like all these families are preparing for their festivities or getaways and I am struggling just to live.

Meanwhile, separated AH is partying living it up with young enabling gf he cheated on me with. I know they are living in dysfunction as well but it still does not take this pain away! I cannot wait until the grieving stage is over...I am so tired of feeling this!!

I know, I know....my ABF is doing that right now. we usually don't have much fun on holidays anyway because he gets to drunk or is hung-over. I have friends but no family so it is hard and it's worse when the A seems to always have someone to party with. They don't care or worry about us and what we are doing.

Can you hang with friends?

Its hard to socialize these days. I hate being around drinkers, alcohol, etc...It seems like people only socially gather around alcohol. I take DD6 fun inexpensive places as much as I can but still...seems like when youre going through separation/divorce all you see are happy families (with the daddys present) out and about...

I have very little money right now after going through my illness the past 2 years. I make the best of it...we arent sitting around crying or anything but there just seems to be this underlying sadness I feel...trying hard to push through it. Get so angry when I think of him just partying and being so carefree...it is hard. I have to continuously talk myself out of not hating him even more and knowing he is miserable on the inside...

I've found that it's easier to find friends who don't drink when they have little kids. I had a pizza party with some neighbors w/little ones and just served sodas and lemonade. Don't give up! Start by having an afternoon BBQ. Whiffle ball. Hula hoops. Sidewalk chalk. Most times people with little ones have to get them in bed early anyway.
It was super uncomfortable for me- I was so worried someone would ask where AH was. No one did & I felt a lot less isolated.

So my 6 year old daughter and I came to the cheap movies today. After that, we are going to a fireworks show thrown by the city in which I live. I packed a little picnic and her backpack full of activities so she will feel busy until the fireworks show...I know I am sad inside for it to be only her and I but I also know what a lucky duck I am to be enjoying her beautiful face and innocent eyes as I will watch her face light up when we watch the fireworks. I am pushing through the pain everyone! Its taking all my strength to pull myself out of my funk and do this for her but I am doing it!! Baby steps everyone!!

the longer you hate him, the longer it takes for you to move forward. you might take him out of first place where he commands so much attention in your head...he is cluttering up valuable space that might lead to you actually feeling happy.

I would give both my thumbs to watch fireworks with my own daughter this evening.

I found myself shunning adult social interaction because I was so angry at alcohol and what it did to my loved one. Most adults are not alcoholics, they are responsible drinkers.

Part of our recovery is social interaction with other adults and the more we do it the more we see and recognize the problem is not alcohol but the alcoholic.

I missed many opportunities to get out of myself and my sadness by staying away from social events based solely on the possible presents of alcohol.

Your right it is baby steps, its a constant forward movement when we are ready to take the next step then the next.

Enjoy the fireworks with your child and cherish the magical look on her happy little face.

**{hugs}}

I'm sorry. Watch a funny movie. I love that.

Last night was really awesome. My 6 year old princess is really amazing. She said some things last night which really opened my eyes. I really do humble myself and learn from my baby girl. She said on her own "I am so happy! Thank you for giving me the best 4th of July ever!" That statement made me realize that I am the only one focusing on what was "lacking". She was completely fulfilled and happy with yesterday's events. Her facial expressions with every firework and the way she danced to the music that accompanied the fireworks in the fireworks show just made my heart melt. She really was so happy!

She also said "I never do fun things like this with Daddy." If I am honest, separated AH always just did the bare minimum for holidays, which is not who I am at all. He was abandoned and neglected as a child so holidays were never made a big deal of in his childhood. So his view on holidays were not the same as mine. I am corny. I decorated our living room yesterday with little decorations from the Dollar Tree so she would wake up to something special. I bought her rocks and paint from The Dollar Tree as well and as we waited for the fireworks show last night we painted rocks red, white and blue designs. Those are things we never would have done if separated AH was in the picture. This is where growth is coming through my pain and I am realizing...I really was not happy with him and who he was progressing into.

Although holidays are rough and it seems like every one is a little happy family...I realize I already have a little happy family. Things may be rough but I was in control yesterday. I was not worrying about if he was going to drink too much or when he was sober if that was going to be the day he relapsed, etc...I was in control of my day and things went as planned and my daughter was so happy. Shame on me for making it about myself before. I feel so lucky to have her. She is really teaching me all I need to know, and she is only 6 years old. Who needs a therapist? Lol!!

Thanks everyone for your support.

this kind of good thinking will carry you through. and healthy people attract healthy, NORMAL relationships....the show ain't over, you are just on a light intermission. take care of yourself too.

painting rocks sounds cool....and ahem I have a piece of unfinished furniture (a corner desk I rescued from the neighbors that were moving, fits nice in my florida room) that needs the white spray paint to cover it up.....

Your little girl sounds very smart.

I challenge to you to expand your vision about what a happy healthy family looks like. Mom, dad and kids is a stereotype. There are many more exceptional and rewarding family makeups. They are all a family, jut not leave it beaver roles.

I have never been married nor had kids, but I most definitely have a family. BF and 2 dogs (my boys) are my family. Before BF and second dog, it was just me and my dog. He and I were a happy family.

When my exA left, I was horribly depressed and couldn't see past my own loss to realize just how lucky I am. I am healthy, smart, attractive, kind and honest. I have kind friends even if we don't contact each other all the time. Most people are not as fortunate as I am yet after my break up, I could only see what I was missing from my life. I could not see what I had. It took a few years before I could really see what I had and feel happy again. The happiness comes and goes, but when it goes, I realize I have a choice about how I can view my life. Glass half full or half empty, ya know?

You sound pretty fortunate to me to be healthy enough to go anywhere for the fourth (no major illness), you have a little girl who sounds like she loves you and appreciates you, you had another year of getting to see fireworks, you are smart enough to recognize your situation. Those are all blessings in your life.

You are very right Miss Fix It! Last 4th of July I was home sick with a feeding tube attached to my stomach and having chemo. Ugh...amazing how we constantly have to keep putting ourselves in check! Yes, I am very blessed.

What an amazing update, iamthird!! I am so happy that your holiday with DD was so perfect. She sounds like a super smart little chickie!!

I am so happy your 4th was so wonderful!!!

And things are not as they always appear. We planned to spend it with RAH's parents as we always do since they live in an area that does fabulous fireworks we can see from the deck.

Brought the KFC, beautiful weather, should have been a great night. Instead RAH's mom spent the evening attacking his father, making everyone uncomfortable, and we left as soon as the fireworks started. RAH was having an anxiety attack and I was real close to ripping his mom a new one. Par for the course.

Would have had a better time at home and next year will not be a repeat it will just be me and him, our cats and a sparkler and no family.

That is super great! Sooo glad you are seeing the big pic and had a great holiday!