tiredmum

Hi, this is my first post although i have been reading for a while- and through reading others threads i have found the courage to end this 9 year long roller coaster of a relationship.

Things came to a head last week, I finally became tired of all the broken promises and continued drinking, and over the last few weeks he has put our children in danger by falling asleep - no actually passing out with food burning in the oven/hob and or leaving the gas hob on and not even smelling it!! (I came home from work and couldn't believe the smell of gas my children were sitting in!!!

So although i know i'm doing the right thing, for the kids safety and for my sanity- then why is it so hard???

I have threatened so many times that it was over, kicking him out for a few days and always letting him back after he has given me empty promises of quitting- so it was no wonder he didnt believe it this time.

but over the past week each day i have had to repeat myself and insisting he needs to move out and today he finally did.

But my heart is broke.

I am sat in our bed with our 7 &3 year olds in the next rooms sleeping- blissfully unaware that dad has moved out.

I don't know how to cope with this

airwick

Things will start looking up Hang in there!

isitme

Give those kids lots of hugs. Stay strong, you can do this. Big hugs!

meggem

This will be me sometime soon. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and I just filed for divorce, he should get the papers early next week.

Hang in there, keep posting and keep reading. You did the right thing. You are protecting your children and that is 97% my motivating factor as well.

I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong, one day at a time. It will get better. It will.

Hugs to you...

Recovering2

First of all, kudos to you for finding the courage to do the right thing for you and your children. It's hard when you're entrenched in a relationship and things have become "the norm" to break out of that.

What kiind of support are you getting? Are you involved in AlAnon? If not, that would be my first suggestion. You are going to need support from those who "get it" as you move forward. A lot of groups have babysitting. Get that face to face support. Don't be surprised if he suddenly becomes Mr Charming and pulls out all the stops to talk you into changing your mind. It's what the A does best. Stay strong and keep posting. We're here for you.,

SeriousKarma

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and know that we're here with you.

You're not imagining that this is hard. It is. But it's do-able. It's the right thing to do. The only thing to do. Just re-read your own post a few times. Gas? There's a whole lot of "yes, you did the right thing." in that one word.

Your heart may be broken (I know how that feels), but I have a feeling the rest of you is pretty strong. Your character, your integrity, the love you have for your children. Let those other, stronger parts of your character carry you for a bit while your heart mends. The glass is only half empty. It may be hard to see it now, but you've filled it, and are still filling it, with this amazing, proactive gift you're giving yourself and your children.

You didn't simply kick out your alcoholic partner. You saved your children's lives.

SiRiDiPiTi

Welcome Tiredmum! You've made the right choice and the first day is the first step to a better future. I know how you feel and the doubts, anger, hurt, and uncertainty can be overwhelming. But, after 9 long years of being on a roller coaster it will take some time to stop the dizziness. It's been 5 months since I left my STBXAH and, even though the pain feels unbearable at times, the pain is slowly being replaced with hope and new dreams. In the beginning I felt just plain crazy, but it was the moment when I started to accept that it's okay to be hurt and okay to feel sad... I started to feel my healthy self again. We've spent so many years "stuffing" our emotions that we feel guilty for actually feeling and acting on them finally! I found that I didn't even remember how to. I didn't think it was okay. A friend told me finally "you have every right to feel this way, let it out, embrace it! I can't believe your not feeling more!!"

Hang in there ******{hugs}}}} it only gets better.

sunday9

I really can relate to all you are going thru, tiredmum, I just don't have kids. How I admire you and the other parents here who deal with the same messes I do and have to protect their children as well. My ABF has possible moved out this week to live with another woman because he doesn't have anywhere else to go since I asked him to leave for awhile. I am trying to find the strength and courage to not let him come back if that is what he chooses.

My A has also left the gas on the stove running. He lets the dogs run loose, makes bonfires in the yard all night, leaves w/o locking the house, etc. so I was constantly having to more or less stand guard/baby-sit.

I am going thru the pain too....wondering if I handled this right, jealous of his new relationship, missing the good man he was. One minute I am broken and crying - the next I am happy that I don't have to deal with all this and maybe can get a better life. When it is bad - it is bad tho. Horrible, terrifying pain it is.....

Hope you do much better!!

sunday9

I also think you are very brave for doing this. I know how wishy washy I have been on this road. It's hard to do the right thing sometimes.

allysen

Doing the right thing doesn't mean doing the easy thing. It's hard because this is never what you wanted. But you will get through this. You are very brave and a great mom. My XAH moved out when the kids were 4yrs & 6mos old. That was a little more than a year ago. Every day is easier than the last, although new challenges do come up.

hopeful4

Welcome. It gets better, i promise.

Hang in there!

honeypig

Welcome, tiredmum. I'm glad you decided to join us as an active member and glad that you've found help already thru your reading here. As others have said, the right thing isn't always the easy thing, so you deserve a pat on the back for choosing the health and safety of yourself and your kids.

I'd second the recommendation to look into Alanon. It's a great place to go for support from people that understand.

Remember, living with an A will make you as sick as he is. Take care of yourself, work on your OWN recovery, and as time passes and you heal, things will get easier. Keep your eyes on the prize! You can do this.

Brindie

Hi brave mum, you will be surrounded here by much wisdom, experience, encouragement, sage advice and love. Many of us have walked in your shoes, and here we are to tell the tale, as you will be .......... May your home be truly blessed with peace now you are alone with your lil'uns so that you can keep going forward, find contentment and focus on you and your babies. Big hugs x

tiredmum

Thank you all so much for your kind and encouraging words- I really appericate them as i haven't yet told my family as i a) don't feel strong enough and b) i don't want them to use this as reason to encourage me to move home (yet)

Re Alanon, I am very nervous about that and I feel a bit ashamed about it- am I being judgemental? Also as i'm in the UK i'm not sure we have the same resources as the USA, so not sure if they would have child care?

When he left on Thursday and i stayed out of the house as i couldn't face seeing him leave- I visited friends, got my nails done (even though i cant afford it) and took the kids out for dinner (again, financially irresponsible!!)

When I got back, I was upset but I also felt a sense of relief!! But I'm still having those mixed emotions, am i doing the right thing, am I a bad mum for kicking dad out, is he going to end up in the gutter without me??

He came around tonight (sat) to feed his bearded dragon as I wont touch it or locusts (ironically I bought it for him in January as a present for being sober hahaha) and he was like what do you want me to say? Fecking think for yourself!!!!

I did get a bit upset when he left but not nearly as much as i thought i would- am i in shock? But I am annoyed as he hasn't had a drink today- WTF could he not stop when living here? And also I'm annoyed as he hasn't asked/pleaded to come back- he even said this might be the kick up the ar8e he needs!! But when I said enough to make you stop drinking he said probably not!!

Ive just re-read this and i must apologise for the rambling- obvs my brain is all over the place atm and its obvs showing in my literature!!!

OnawaMiniya

^^^this.

Be prepared!

You can do this!

(((((hugs)))))

Peace.

Chelsea1029

It is so hard I know but it does get easier. It is heartbreaking. It has helped me to read posts here, remind myself of all he has put us through, and keep focused on the kids and what is best for them. I am also trying to focus on myself and on taking one day at a time. Hang in there, you can get through it and be happier and healthier in the end!