meggem

I already responded to her with a few minor questions -

Does it have to say "mutally agreed upon Realtor" Can she just say realtor? He is not a mutual kind of guy.

I'm also wondering if she can preface the custody with "this is just an example" because if he sees very specific times he's going to freak out. It says every other weekend starting Friday at 5 pm and ending Sunday at pm. And Wednesday dinners from 5 pm to 7 pm. It says "fathers liberal periods of partial physical custody" and it gives a holiday chart as an example if you can't

Or should I just leave it alone. I think I should just leave it alone.

I'm not sure what I should do.

hopeful4

Meg....I gave my attorney lots of changes. Don't feel bad, this is what you are paying for. I was VERY specific. You only get one first chance at this, make sure it's right.

I also had a drinking and drug (including Rx) clause in mine. It is VERY specific and locks things in very tightly should he decide to drink. You may want to add something like that. I got my X to agree to it though.

theuncertainty

First, ((((hugs))), Meggem. Next: You can review it, note any questions, or changes you might want and discuss it with your attorney. Perhaps she has a specific reason why certain language is used.

When I was working on the divorce paperwork, I was told that what I filed should be what I was asking for. (AXH would likely counter with what he wanted.) The paperwork that was to be filed was to outline for the court 1. what I wanted 2. what I was willing to concede to AXH, and 3. to show that I was willing to be flexible on the items that I could be. The terms like 'mutually-agreed-upon' were to show that I was willing to give AXH a say in how that item was handled. That I was willing to be flexible.

With respect with the visitation schedule, my attorney told me that a schedule is set, not only for AXH's benefit, (and for DS's benefit) but mine as well. That way it'd be a single negotiation rather than an on-going, every-weekend negotiation. So I wouldn't need to try to re-hash everything at every visit with some one who was proving to be undependable, uncooperative, and controlling. I needed to outline what I felt was best for DS and what I thought would be a schedule I could live with.

AXH didn't want a schedule. He wanted to be able to swing by and pick up DS whenever he thought he wanted to, so he objected by my schedule, but didn't propose one of his own. The court didn't follow my proposed schedule 100%, but they did use it as a starting point.

Wishing you continued strength. ((((hugs))))

hopeful4

Agree, a schedule is the way to go. Our divorce is not final yet, but it will be in days. We will go to a schedule when that happens and I cannot wait. My X uses our conversations about when he is seeing the kids as a tool to try to manipulate me. I think it will be better for everyone involved for us to have a schedule. I made it clear to him that if the kids WANT to see him outside their scheduled time, and he is sober, of course I will allow that.

It was like hostage negotiations getting this all agreed on, but we did it.

biminiblue

To sell, you'll both need to sign paperwork. So the "mutually agreed upon Realtor" is at some point going to be a thing. If he doesn't agree to sell, he can always buy you out.

As if.

ShootingStar1

I'd say write the document the way YOU want the divorce to happen. This isn't the place to hold back because you are afraid he will freak out. He'll probably do that anyway.

I agree with theuncertainty about the schedule. When my first husband and I divorced, and he was not an alcoholic, he wouldn't agree to any schedule. He wanted them when he wanted them, and not when he didn't. That meant he'd drop them back at my house whenever he felt like it, and I was kind of always on-call since he was so unpredictable.

We had to go back to court because he unilaterally decided he could reduce his child support by 80%, and the Judge got as exasperated with him over his notion that he could decide on the fly to see - or not - see the kids, and gave him custody every other weekend on a strict schedule. Plus reasonable child support. It was a huge relief for all of us, kids included.

ShootingStar1

pixilation

I made a lot of changes with my lawyer too, sounds like she gave you the "standard" settlement.

Child support should follow state guidelines.

pixilation

Oh, and ex's(divorce official yesterday)favorite thing to do was call less than 24 hours from when he wanted to see the kids, and he is(and has been for awhile) sober. In the divorce papers, he now has to give me 7 days notice.

Rosiepetal

From someone who is going through the courts 71/2 years since separation & from the first parenting agreement, I wish I had of gone for a court order from the beginning, I wish it had included specific dates & times because what happened was this: we went for an agreement, there were too many clauses that had "by agreement". He never filled his end of the bargain & it has gone on & on & on. (In my opinion an example of how the holidays may work is not enough, it needs specifics)
I am now going for black & white specific details in a court order so that everyone, especially the children, can get on with their lives & know where they are going to be at all times & with who. Makes planning a whole heap easier too.
Just my 50cents worth.

Praying

You haven't mentioned this, but the most annoying part of mine that I wish I had changed was the dumb language they all include about how I'm going to keep him updated on things...tons of stuff in my state's forms on me giving him weekly updates or updates on activities, etc. Made for a great abusive playground..."hey, I might not be paying off bill X, but she didn't tell me he played soccer." Argh. If you don't know your kid is playing soccer...maybe...be a dad?
I'm revising mine so I don't have to do any of that. No contact is too difficult with that out there. (I stopped doing it anyway because he doesn't care...but it's a "failure" I had to discuss with my lawyer to determine the risk.)

I didn't realize at the time how much freedom I have to make the language mine. You can! Don't listen to "standard"!

lillamy

The "mutually agreed upon" is standard language, I believe -- it's so that one party can't have their sister-who's-a-realtor do the sale and do it in sneaky ways. I wouldn't mess with that but focus on custody issues.

My advice would be to have EVERYTHING very strictly regulated. Courts like that -- any vagueness means at some point, you'll get into a fight and be back in court and judges don't want to see you again. They want to do it once and be done. It can be hard -- my custody issues took four years to work through, and it was largely because the judge wanted to make sure there were no loose ends anywhere.

I would definitely discuss with the lawyer changes you'd like to see. But make the changes firm. Like "in odd years, children are with father from end of school and five weeks forward, going to mother on the Friday of the 5th week at from 6 pm; and in even years, the reverse" for example.

Florence

Take this draft and ask for whatever you want. WHATEVER you want. This is the time that the negotiating happens. If something in there won't work for you, ask your lawyer for a suggestion or offer one in its place.