Forgiving
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 105
Forgiving
My ABF says I have a problem forgiving. He does something horrible. He apologizes. He promises to never do it again. I forgive him. He does it again 3 days later. I get mad or hurt which he calls "arguing" and "start it again". He is angry that I bring up that he did it 3 days ago. I had forgiven him for that and it is over but I won't shut up. I know this sounds confusing. It is to me too. This is all we do lately and it has gotten worse. It's part of why he is not at my home right now and could be moving out again.
My family and friends have always forgiven each other ...however when I do something bad or stupid - I don't expect them to forget. They can bring it up down the road. It is a good reminder for me. I expect and accept that. Is this something an A just can't do?
My A does wrongful, stupid, hurtful things everyday to so many people. He is so full of self-hate now he can hardly function. Would this be a reason he doesn't understand that one can't forgive the same mistake over and over again and forget it as well?
I also don't think he feels he has to do anything but say he is sorry and his sin should be forgiven (and forgotten). I believe there is much more to it. One has to prove they are sorry and make amends - over and over again.
I'd like to hear if any of you have this problem or see something like this with their A.
My family and friends have always forgiven each other ...however when I do something bad or stupid - I don't expect them to forget. They can bring it up down the road. It is a good reminder for me. I expect and accept that. Is this something an A just can't do?
My A does wrongful, stupid, hurtful things everyday to so many people. He is so full of self-hate now he can hardly function. Would this be a reason he doesn't understand that one can't forgive the same mistake over and over again and forget it as well?
I also don't think he feels he has to do anything but say he is sorry and his sin should be forgiven (and forgotten). I believe there is much more to it. One has to prove they are sorry and make amends - over and over again.
I'd like to hear if any of you have this problem or see something like this with their A.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
People who truly desire forgiveness live their amends. They change their behavior. They take responsibility for what they have done.
Your ABF doesn't want forgiveness he wants an excuse to continue doing things exactly as he has always done them and to not face any consequences for that behavior.
Your ABF doesn't want forgiveness he wants an excuse to continue doing things exactly as he has always done them and to not face any consequences for that behavior.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Sunday, Welcome to the forum, but sorry that you needed to find us.
I was just about to post to your other thread, then I saw this one.
I really didn't know my ex had a "twin" out there.
These fights that you have, were exactly like what I went through.
Over and over and over again. The same exact issues, the same exact things, being blamed because I can't let things go, that I can't get over things, that I keep bringing up the past. It's just impossible, it's insanity. It's "Groundhogs Day".
Lets really look at the issues here ---- You tell him that you are upset about something, so he gets mad, he runs off, does what he wants to do, tells you that it is because you pushed his buttons, and he is going to keep doing what ever it is that upsets you, until you stop bugging, and nagging him about it.
So you try all of these ways, to try to get through to him about why you feel upset, and believe me, there are about a million ways to explain this, (I know, I used them all) but he just doesn't get it. But now since you brought it up again, its all your fault because you can't let things drop. And the "merry-go-round" keeps on going round. It's enough to make you crazy.
I started to feel invalidated, useless, stupid, worthless, etc... Why can't I get it right? Why can't I get through to him?
Well, I had to realize it was impossible to try to even to talk to someone who didn't want to hear me.
I spent years doing this, I caused my own PTSD by doing this. I walked on eggshells trying not to get into these fights, but they happened anyway, and it's crazy, sometimes when they would start, I wasn't even around him, when they did start.
For ex: One time we were getting along just great. I had made dinner that night like I normally did, he didn't come home from work, didn't call me. He came home about 6 hours later. It was my fault. I asked him to please explain that one. He told me he stopped after work for 1 beer, he was going to leave then, but he knew I would be mad, that got him angry, so he had to prove to me that I can't control him and tell him what to do, so he stayed for a few more hours to give me time to calm down. Huh????
This merry-go-round will keep on spinning till you get off the ride.
I'm embarrassed to even say how many years I was on that ride, but I was married and living with him for 25 years.
Let us help you get off that ride.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
I was just about to post to your other thread, then I saw this one.
I really didn't know my ex had a "twin" out there.
These fights that you have, were exactly like what I went through.
Over and over and over again. The same exact issues, the same exact things, being blamed because I can't let things go, that I can't get over things, that I keep bringing up the past. It's just impossible, it's insanity. It's "Groundhogs Day".
Lets really look at the issues here ---- You tell him that you are upset about something, so he gets mad, he runs off, does what he wants to do, tells you that it is because you pushed his buttons, and he is going to keep doing what ever it is that upsets you, until you stop bugging, and nagging him about it.
So you try all of these ways, to try to get through to him about why you feel upset, and believe me, there are about a million ways to explain this, (I know, I used them all) but he just doesn't get it. But now since you brought it up again, its all your fault because you can't let things drop. And the "merry-go-round" keeps on going round. It's enough to make you crazy.
I started to feel invalidated, useless, stupid, worthless, etc... Why can't I get it right? Why can't I get through to him?
Well, I had to realize it was impossible to try to even to talk to someone who didn't want to hear me.
I spent years doing this, I caused my own PTSD by doing this. I walked on eggshells trying not to get into these fights, but they happened anyway, and it's crazy, sometimes when they would start, I wasn't even around him, when they did start.
For ex: One time we were getting along just great. I had made dinner that night like I normally did, he didn't come home from work, didn't call me. He came home about 6 hours later. It was my fault. I asked him to please explain that one. He told me he stopped after work for 1 beer, he was going to leave then, but he knew I would be mad, that got him angry, so he had to prove to me that I can't control him and tell him what to do, so he stayed for a few more hours to give me time to calm down. Huh????
This merry-go-round will keep on spinning till you get off the ride.
I'm embarrassed to even say how many years I was on that ride, but I was married and living with him for 25 years.
Let us help you get off that ride.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by sunday9 
He does something horrible. He apologizes. He promises to never do it again. I forgive him. He does it again 3 days later. I get mad or hurt which he calls "arguing" and "start it again". He is angry that I bring up that he did it 3 days ago. I had forgiven him for that and it is over but I won't shut up.
Just typing that out confused & exhausted me.
The only thing that ever helped me in these situations was to just say nothing & walk away. These arguments got nowhere fast except to make me feel crazier and start to honestly doubt my own sanity. I finally realized I didn't have to stay on this merry-go-round keeping myself dizzy, I could choose to step off in small ways like refusing to engage in a losing argument.
Welcome to SR!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by amy55
For ex: One time we were getting along just great. I had made dinner that night like I normally did, he didn't come home from work, didn't call me. He came home about 6 hours later. It was my fault. I asked him to please explain that one. He told me he stopped after work for 1 beer, he was going to leave then, but he knew I would be mad, that got him angry, so he had to prove to me that I can't control him and tell him what to do, so he stayed for a few more hours to give me time to calm down. Huh????
I actually asked him once... "Just so I have this right..... you put words in my mouth, then judged me for those words & reacted as though I had actually said them? So why am I here if all that matters is what happens inside your head??" Oh, yes, that set him off like a rocket.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 38
Forgiving someone for their actions isn't a free pass for them to do it again and again and again. I'm sorry you are going through such hardship. Stay strong and try not to lose yourself and who you are in the process. Hugggggggggggggg
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 105
******{hugs}}}}} to you all. Sometimes just having people who can relate and know exactly what you are trying to say or going thru just makes such a difference!! I hope I can learn from everyone's comments.
He has had decades of rehab, AA meetings, psychs, etc. He knows the lingo and the talk and how to tell me what he has learned but twist it towards me and make the problem mine. I have never heard the term "blame shifting" before but that is COMPLETELY what he does most of the time. It is his way to cope. He has told me many times he can't handle anymore guilt on his shoulders ....so I guess instead of trying to walk the line he has figured out ways to disburse the guilt anyway he can. He does this with others. Always their fault.
Amy - yes! Groundhog Day! Good way to describe my life for the past several months. I try different approaches. I try to be nice, ignore, etc. and the same thing still happens - one way or another - 90% of the time. He hangs on to the 10% of the times he drank and it was ok. I loved your example about the dinner, etc. My A has done about the same thing too.
One thing I do that might be wrong .....lately, usually the first time I see him with a can of beer - I get angry with him. Maybe that is trying to control it? I get upset because of the promises he made the day before...that he wouldn't drink for a week, I have to work the next day (and his drinking goes on for hours and I have to be awake to make sure things are ok), I am tired from his last drunk when I got no sleep, he has not paid me rent $ in weeks but has $ for beer???? y'all know the drill......so I get angry. Isn't that normal on my part?
I know I should "walk away" but he is a clingy, attention seeking drunk ...he will follow me around.
He has had decades of rehab, AA meetings, psychs, etc. He knows the lingo and the talk and how to tell me what he has learned but twist it towards me and make the problem mine. I have never heard the term "blame shifting" before but that is COMPLETELY what he does most of the time. It is his way to cope. He has told me many times he can't handle anymore guilt on his shoulders ....so I guess instead of trying to walk the line he has figured out ways to disburse the guilt anyway he can. He does this with others. Always their fault.
Amy - yes! Groundhog Day! Good way to describe my life for the past several months. I try different approaches. I try to be nice, ignore, etc. and the same thing still happens - one way or another - 90% of the time. He hangs on to the 10% of the times he drank and it was ok. I loved your example about the dinner, etc. My A has done about the same thing too.
One thing I do that might be wrong .....lately, usually the first time I see him with a can of beer - I get angry with him. Maybe that is trying to control it? I get upset because of the promises he made the day before...that he wouldn't drink for a week, I have to work the next day (and his drinking goes on for hours and I have to be awake to make sure things are ok), I am tired from his last drunk when I got no sleep, he has not paid me rent $ in weeks but has $ for beer???? y'all know the drill......so I get angry. Isn't that normal on my part?
I know I should "walk away" but he is a clingy, attention seeking drunk ...he will follow me around.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
It is normal on your part, that's the thing. Please remember it's his actions that are not normal, not yours!
To buy beer but not be able to pay for rent? What, is he 16?
Hugs to you. Stay strong, keep reading, keep sharing. You can do this. Keep working on you so you are strong and able to make whatever decisions you need to make for YOU. We will be here for you all the way!
To buy beer but not be able to pay for rent? What, is he 16?
Hugs to you. Stay strong, keep reading, keep sharing. You can do this. Keep working on you so you are strong and able to make whatever decisions you need to make for YOU. We will be here for you all the way!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hon, it is not only natural to get angry at that kind of behavior, it would be weird if you didn't.
The issue here is not whether you are responding the "right" way. You can't control how what he does makes you feel -- no one can control what they feel. You can, however, control what you do with those feelings. Has yelling at him ever made a difference? Has sacrificing your sleep and your financial security ever made a dent in convincing him to do things differently?
The life you describe sounds unbearable and very familiar to me. Nothing I did ever made a difference in what HE chose to do, but I struggled for a long time to figure out the 'right' way to be, to talk, to love, to dress, to share, to behave around him so that he would change, so that he would WANT to change. It was only when I accepted that the only person I could change was me that anything got better for me.
This is hard stuff. Please stick around and keep sharing. We are rooting for you.
The issue here is not whether you are responding the "right" way. You can't control how what he does makes you feel -- no one can control what they feel. You can, however, control what you do with those feelings. Has yelling at him ever made a difference? Has sacrificing your sleep and your financial security ever made a dent in convincing him to do things differently?
The life you describe sounds unbearable and very familiar to me. Nothing I did ever made a difference in what HE chose to do, but I struggled for a long time to figure out the 'right' way to be, to talk, to love, to dress, to share, to behave around him so that he would change, so that he would WANT to change. It was only when I accepted that the only person I could change was me that anything got better for me.
This is hard stuff. Please stick around and keep sharing. We are rooting for you.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
I went through this stage. My 9 months sober (whatever) soon to be XAH played this card with me. He's played it for the 9 months post rehab and especially since our grand finale a few weeks ago. And up until very recently, I bought into it. I believe in forgiveness, I think it's a gift we give to ourselves and if the other person has earned it, a gift for them. And I didn't forgive him and I kind of tried over these months, but at the same time, I didn't want to try. I would go on-line and search out forgiveness articles and look at the "steps" that one takes to forgive and I would ponder it- but I just ended up clicking out of it because I had no interest. Which is not like me, because I am the kind of person that seeks peace and harmony in my soul so I really did think I was "holding a grudge".. so I was in conflict there..
I did a few nice things for him thinking doing nice things would ease my heart and I could let in the good and thaw out my frozen heart- performing those acts of kindness was like getting a root canal. It made me more resentful I think.
After the grand finale he was texting my father telling him that we both needed serious counseling and especially me because I was holding on to resentments and that was really interfering, that I was taking my resentments out on "wine and facials". One of his barganing tools (in between raging) was he would get a second job so I could go to counseling. He was on that for a while.
Then it dawned on me. I don't HAVE to forgive anybody. His acts are unforgivable. The work I will need is within myself. Not to forgive him.
So I've realeased that feeling into the abyss. I've decided I am ok not forgiving him. I am ok having resentments towards him. I'll work on that later but it will be for me - not him.
When that dawned on me, it was a huge relief.
I did a few nice things for him thinking doing nice things would ease my heart and I could let in the good and thaw out my frozen heart- performing those acts of kindness was like getting a root canal. It made me more resentful I think.
After the grand finale he was texting my father telling him that we both needed serious counseling and especially me because I was holding on to resentments and that was really interfering, that I was taking my resentments out on "wine and facials". One of his barganing tools (in between raging) was he would get a second job so I could go to counseling. He was on that for a while.
Then it dawned on me. I don't HAVE to forgive anybody. His acts are unforgivable. The work I will need is within myself. Not to forgive him.
So I've realeased that feeling into the abyss. I've decided I am ok not forgiving him. I am ok having resentments towards him. I'll work on that later but it will be for me - not him.
When that dawned on me, it was a huge relief.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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Forgiveness shouldn't be a licence for someone to keep repeating the same actions, it is reasonable for you to expect your BF to make changes for the best in the relationship!!
At the end of the day relationships are a 2 way process!!
At the end of the day relationships are a 2 way process!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Forgiveness, and the way I think about it now vrs how I thought about it.
When I was in the thick of things, I wanted to forgive and forget, isn't that normal not to hang on to resentments and anger?
I learned in my marriage that to------
forgive = peace (or else there would be another night of raging)
forget = peace (or else there would be another night of raging, you knew better then to
bring it up again)
Wasn't allowed to have anger, resentment.
That was survival mode.
But the resentment just kept getting worse. I later learned that the resentment was because he kept stepping all over "my boundaries". I never even heard that I could have boundaries. What a concept !!!!!
I finally used my resentment of him crossing my boundaries to give me enough "anger" to leave. To finally put me first. I needed that resentment and anger to help me get through.
-------------------------
After many months, perhaps a year after I left I reexamined, forgiveness, forget, resentment and anger.
Anger is a good emotion if used properly. If it it used to help motivate you so that you can take care of yourself.
I did use that anger to start a new life.
What about the resentments? What am I going to do about that? Well, had to think, what was I resentful about? I was resentful because he crossed my boundaries repeatedly and I never did anything about it. I allowed it.
So for a long time I walked around with hatred, anger, resentment, and it was killing me. It was like taking a poison hoping that he would die from it, when I was the one who took the poison.
I had to learn to forgive myself, and to release all those toxins in my body now, so that I could heal.
I did this, I forgave myself first, I forgave him next.
I will never forgive the unforgivable things that he did and said to me, but I could forgive him. (As long as he is never back in my life !!!!!!!!!!!!!)
^^^^^
then I had to look at that last paragraph again. How could I forgive him for the unforgivable acts against me? I look at it now as it was a learning experience, and by all that I went through, I finally learned what boundaries are.
Forget ---------NEVER. It would just make me go back to the person I was that had no boundaries.
When I was in the thick of things, I wanted to forgive and forget, isn't that normal not to hang on to resentments and anger?
I learned in my marriage that to------
forgive = peace (or else there would be another night of raging)
forget = peace (or else there would be another night of raging, you knew better then to
bring it up again)
Wasn't allowed to have anger, resentment.
That was survival mode.
But the resentment just kept getting worse. I later learned that the resentment was because he kept stepping all over "my boundaries". I never even heard that I could have boundaries. What a concept !!!!!
I finally used my resentment of him crossing my boundaries to give me enough "anger" to leave. To finally put me first. I needed that resentment and anger to help me get through.
-------------------------
After many months, perhaps a year after I left I reexamined, forgiveness, forget, resentment and anger.
Anger is a good emotion if used properly. If it it used to help motivate you so that you can take care of yourself.
I did use that anger to start a new life.
What about the resentments? What am I going to do about that? Well, had to think, what was I resentful about? I was resentful because he crossed my boundaries repeatedly and I never did anything about it. I allowed it.
So for a long time I walked around with hatred, anger, resentment, and it was killing me. It was like taking a poison hoping that he would die from it, when I was the one who took the poison.
I had to learn to forgive myself, and to release all those toxins in my body now, so that I could heal.
I did this, I forgave myself first, I forgave him next.
I will never forgive the unforgivable things that he did and said to me, but I could forgive him. (As long as he is never back in my life !!!!!!!!!!!!!)
^^^^^
then I had to look at that last paragraph again. How could I forgive him for the unforgivable acts against me? I look at it now as it was a learning experience, and by all that I went through, I finally learned what boundaries are.
Forget ---------NEVER. It would just make me go back to the person I was that had no boundaries.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 105
>>I learned in my marriage that to------
forgive = peace (or else there would be another night of raging)
forget = peace (or else there would be another night of raging, you knew better then to
bring it up again)
Wasn't allowed to have anger, resentment.
That was survival mode>>
Amy ...yes!!! And yes our As are from the same mold it seems. we have much in common.
I have gotten to the point that I can't really control my resentment and emotions anymore so the minute I see him with a beer I go ballistic. Everything in my life essentially stops and I focus on that beer and where it will lead. I have "spoiled" his drunk many times. He says how much he drinks and how angry he may get depend on how cool I am. And in a strange way it does sometimes ....just not always. I can be happy and friends are over and we are all having fun and then he gets angry about something random and stupid. If it is too late to go to store for more beer he walks to a bar.
And the next day he apologizes to everyone and we say ok but he does it again!!!
This forum has been so useful. I can write what is happening and get feedback and stories from others. I don't like journaling as it is a solo experience. what I want and need now are people!! I hope it continues to help me be stronger.
forgive = peace (or else there would be another night of raging)
forget = peace (or else there would be another night of raging, you knew better then to
bring it up again)
Wasn't allowed to have anger, resentment.
That was survival mode>>
Amy ...yes!!! And yes our As are from the same mold it seems. we have much in common.
I have gotten to the point that I can't really control my resentment and emotions anymore so the minute I see him with a beer I go ballistic. Everything in my life essentially stops and I focus on that beer and where it will lead. I have "spoiled" his drunk many times. He says how much he drinks and how angry he may get depend on how cool I am. And in a strange way it does sometimes ....just not always. I can be happy and friends are over and we are all having fun and then he gets angry about something random and stupid. If it is too late to go to store for more beer he walks to a bar. And the next day he apologizes to everyone and we say ok but he does it again!!!
This forum has been so useful. I can write what is happening and get feedback and stories from others. I don't like journaling as it is a solo experience. what I want and need now are people!! I hope it continues to help me be stronger.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
sunday,
post all you want, I'm reading and hearing you. You don't have to feel alone.
I wanted to tell you something else also. I think one of the reasons I stayed so long, was because I wanted to know that there were no more "what ifs", if I wasn't clear on that, I probably would have returned many more times, or forgave many more times.
I spent years and years reading books, researching, etc.... What I didn't realize is that I was isolating. I was trying to figure everything out on my own. I wasn't opening up to others. I was living in a crazy world, trying to make sense of things, with him being the only one that I could talk to, and of course, what did I really expect from that?????
I just got more craziness for me to research some more. lol
post all you want, I'm reading and hearing you. You don't have to feel alone.
I wanted to tell you something else also. I think one of the reasons I stayed so long, was because I wanted to know that there were no more "what ifs", if I wasn't clear on that, I probably would have returned many more times, or forgave many more times.
I spent years and years reading books, researching, etc.... What I didn't realize is that I was isolating. I was trying to figure everything out on my own. I wasn't opening up to others. I was living in a crazy world, trying to make sense of things, with him being the only one that I could talk to, and of course, what did I really expect from that?????
I just got more craziness for me to research some more. lol
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I've been thinking about forgiveness, trying to read and research, and struggling with it as it relates to AXH. I came across the following video, which is helping me adjust the definition of forgiveness that AXH had given me - and even society in general seems to endorse (very similar to what your ABF is saying, Sunday9).
It's a Christian-centered video, and I hope to not offend any who follow other faiths. I've found it helpful beyond that.
Ask Anima: How Do You Forgive Someone Who Has Repeatedly Hurt You? - Jon Jorgenson - YouTube
It's a Christian-centered video, and I hope to not offend any who follow other faiths. I've found it helpful beyond that.
Ask Anima: How Do You Forgive Someone Who Has Repeatedly Hurt You? - Jon Jorgenson - YouTube
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Originally Posted by sunday9
>>I learned in my marriage that to------
forgive = peace (or else there would be another night of raging)
forget = peace (or else there would be another night of raging, you knew better then to
bring it up again)
Wasn't allowed to have anger, resentment.
That was survival mode>>
Amy ...yes!!! And yes our As are from the same mold it seems. we have much in common. I have gotten to the point that I can't really control my resentment and emotions anymore so the minute I see him with a beer I go ballistic. Everything in my life essentially stops and I focus on that beer and where it will lead. I have "spoiled" his drunk many times. He says how much he drinks and how angry he may get depend on how cool I am. And in a strange way it does sometimes ....just not always. I can be happy and friends are over and we are all having fun and then he gets angry about something random and stupid. If it is too late to go to store for more beer he walks to a bar.
And the next day he apologizes to everyone and we say ok but he does it again!!!
This forum has been so useful. I can write what is happening and get feedback and stories from others. I don't like journaling as it is a solo experience. what I want and need now are people!! I hope it continues to help me be stronger.
forgive = peace (or else there would be another night of raging)
forget = peace (or else there would be another night of raging, you knew better then to
bring it up again)
Wasn't allowed to have anger, resentment.
That was survival mode>>
Amy ...yes!!! And yes our As are from the same mold it seems. we have much in common.
I have gotten to the point that I can't really control my resentment and emotions anymore so the minute I see him with a beer I go ballistic. Everything in my life essentially stops and I focus on that beer and where it will lead. I have "spoiled" his drunk many times. He says how much he drinks and how angry he may get depend on how cool I am. And in a strange way it does sometimes ....just not always. I can be happy and friends are over and we are all having fun and then he gets angry about something random and stupid. If it is too late to go to store for more beer he walks to a bar. And the next day he apologizes to everyone and we say ok but he does it again!!!
This forum has been so useful. I can write what is happening and get feedback and stories from others. I don't like journaling as it is a solo experience. what I want and need now are people!! I hope it continues to help me be stronger.
Sweetie, living like this will make you sick! Its like figuratively beating your head against a wall,,, your head will be the loser!
I hope you keep him out for a longer while, and maybe take time away, just so your mind and heart can get a little peace.
Getting mad over seeing him with a beer, well, I would be mad too. and too much of that will make you crazy.
He is offering nothing. empty insulting apologies. just throwing you a bone, to shut you up, so he can drink and enjoy his buzz in peace. pretty pathetic, to treat someone like that. You are a loving , feeling, and caring person. He is counting on you to feel guilty over being angry at him.
You deserve so much more. You can offer yourself so much more,all on your own!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 105
The video was great! I agree with it. I generally do not have a problem forgiving ABF and giving him chances. It is usually easier for me and my peace than to carry the anger around. The forget thing? Hmmmm.....I can in time. It will fade - how long depends on how deep the pain was. ABF expects me to never bring up that wrong. That is what I can't promise him. I can try but if he does the same thing again ....of course I will remind him he did this before.
If I catch him with a woman of course I will be suspicious when he is on his phone at odd times. He shouldn't think it strange for me to mistrust and have to ask who he is talking to and so on. He should WANT me to trust him if he is doing nothing wrong. Go out of his way to prove to me how trustworthy he is. But of course that is just my silly wish and not reality.
If I catch him with a woman of course I will be suspicious when he is on his phone at odd times. He shouldn't think it strange for me to mistrust and have to ask who he is talking to and so on. He should WANT me to trust him if he is doing nothing wrong. Go out of his way to prove to me how trustworthy he is. But of course that is just my silly wish and not reality.
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